Click here for Part 1…
There is a proper time and place for talking to her about changing jobs, and providing her with thoughtful, constructive advice. She’ll need these things from you, too, and she’ll want this advice and guidance if you’re an older guy who is wiser about the ways of the world.
But never sound like you’re dismissing her problems as insignificant, and don’t attempt to give advice when she’s in a highly emotional state. Just provide comfort. Soothe her. Let her calm down on her own. Accept these moments as par for the course, especially when you’re dating a younger woman.
I do need to mention, if you find yourself involved with a “drama queen” who is having these outbursts on a daily basis, I suggest you kick her to the curb. Occasional mood swings are to be expected.
As men, it’s impossible for us to fully understand the emotional swings of women—especially the younger ones. You can’t rationalize them. What you can do is learn to master these situations and be the “rock” she needs.
Imagine her emotions as turbulent waves. You are the shoreline which those waves crash against…and as long as you stand firm, the waves will always subside eventually.
Whether you’ve been dating her for two weeks, or you’ve been married to her for five years, she’ll always have a subconscious need to test you from time to time. Her moments of “drama” are all about seeking reassurance that you are the rock she needs to feel safe and secure.
Women also seek reassurance through jealousy. I’ve dated some incredibly jealous women (and eventually broke up with them due to it). But along the way, I came to understand how to deal with it.
They’ll test you this way, and they’ll be sneaky. They’ll ask an innocent-sounding question that is actually an accusation, intended to make you reveal more information than you should.
Never fight fire with fire. Never try to explain yourself out of a silly accusation. And never dismiss her jealous feelings as if they’re petty and ridiculous. (Which they usually are, but that type of response from you only adds fuel to the fire.
Just maintain your cool and deflect it—as if cheating on her, or flirting with another woman, never even OCCURRED to you.
Here is an example of an actual conversation I had with a 21-year-old former girlfriend of mine. I had gone out to a bar with some buddies of mine the night before. (Whenever I date a woman, I make it clear to her up-front that I enjoy having a “guy’s night out” sometimes, and this is not something I’m willing to give up for the sake of a relationship.)
Most girls I’ve dated have absolutely no problem with me going out with the boys. They don’t bust my balls about it, and I don’t give them a hard time if they ever want to spend time with their girlfriends. But this particular girlfriend, after a few months of dating, was starting to have issues if I went out without her—and now she was going to “test” me.
Women are notorious for this. They’ll ask you something that sounds harmless, but it’s actually a “baiting question” designed to make you reveal more information than she should—which will then give her the go-ahead to drag you into an argument.
First, I’ll show you the wrong way to handle it:
HER: So, did you have fun with your friends at the bar last night?
ME: Yeah, it was okay.
HER: I’m sure there were a lot of beautiful girls there. Did you talk to any?
ME: (sarcastic) Yeah, I was hitting on girls all night and I got a bunch of phone numbers. No, I didn’t talk to any girls. And if I did, so what? What’s wrong with having a friendly conversation with someone at a bar?
HER: Look, I know how men are. If you ever cheat on me, just tell me, okay? I just want you to be honest.
ME: I’m not cheating on you! Why are you so damn insecure?
(And the argument escalates…)
Now, here’s the proper way to handle it: be completely calm and don’t take the bait.
HER: So how was last night? Did you talk to any girls?
ME: I was busy talking to my friend John. He needed my advice on some business stuff. So what did you end up doing last night?
(Change the subject…as if talking to other girls last night at the bar never even occurred to you.)
The bottom line is that women, in general, are needy. They crave reassurance. I don’t care if you’re dating a 40-year-old CEO or a 22-year-old stripper; the underlying programming is the same. They are jealous. They will get emotional (and at times, completely illogical), and they’ll test you to get confirmation that you’re the MAN they need not a weak, emotional, overly sensitive wimp who makes her question the relationship and your ability to make her feel secure.