The skilled seducer, on the other hand, understands how to challenge women and frame himself as the “prize” that she needs to win. He talks very little about himself. When she asks him questions (such as “what do you do for a living?”), he responds with a playful joke, or alludes to what he does in vague terms.
He has no need to impress her. She is the one who is going to need to be impressive, because YOU are a man of wisdom and experience, with many options.
Project this to women, and they’ll express their interest in you. They’ll show it in small ways a brief touch, a flirtatious smile, a comment like “you’re cute” or “so are you this smooth with all the girls you meet?”
The key is to not take the bait. If she says or does something that seems to indicate her interest in you, ignore it. Stick with your game. Her indication of interest is not a license for you to drop your guard and broadcast your interest. If anything, you’ve got to play it more cool.
HER: “You’re so interesting. I feel like you and me really click.’”
YOU: “I hear that a lot from women.”
HER: “You’re probably a player, huh? Popular with the ladies?”
YOU: ‘Women like me, and I love women. So it all works out.”
HER: “I like you.”
YOU: “Yeah, I can tell.”
Let’s say that you’re out with a woman, and the conversation has been going great. You’ve been controlling the flow of the conversation and building a bond with her.
You say something funny and touch her on the knee.
She puts her hand on yours.
She looks into your eyes, and smiles…
So now the two of you are holding hands, and it’s obvious she’s attracted to you. At this point, the typical guy will think “this girl is into me,” and will start acting differently.
His inner Wuss will emerge. He’ll start being super-nice and polite and allow the conversation to drift onto the wrong topics. (Such as talking about “exes,” and past relationships, and his own personal problems…WEAK areas that should be avoided)
He’s trying extra hard not to “blow it.” He figures if he can just be super nice and polite and not say anything stupid, surely he’ll get her back to his place…
Because he’s received approval from her, and has proof that she likes him, he figures,
“I don’t need to keep applying my skills at this point. This one’s in the bag. I can just be myself now.”
The problem is, this means reverting back to being the boring, ordinary and predictable version of who he is. When she realizes that he’s really not the confident, funny, mysterious guy she thought he was, her attraction cools off…and the date ends with a kiss on the cheek, and her going home alone.
A classic example of this comes from the movie “The Empire Strikes Back.” Han Solo is about to descend into the carbon chamber and get deep-freezed. Princess Leia’s parting words to him are, “I love you.”
To which Han replies, “I know.”
So after all the sexual tension that has been building up between these two, she finally loses control and blurts out a declaration of love. And how does Han react? Does he reciprocate, by telling her how much he loves her and getting all mushy?
Hell no! He just says, “I know.”
Maybe he loves her, too. But he doesn’t give her the confession. He doesn’t give her the validation she is craving at that moment. He doesn’t let her win.
As a result, this AMPLIFIES the sexual tension, and Leia’s attraction towards him, to a mind-blowing level. If she wanted him before, now she absolutely craves him with every molecule of her being.
If you start chatting with a woman in a bar, don’t monopolize her time and space. Excuse yourself to step outside and make a phone call, or to check in with some friends. Come back five or ten minutes later and pick up where you left off with her.
The idea is to get her interested, build up her attraction, then disengage and give her space. Repeat the process. You can make her miss you, even if you’re only stepping away for a few minutes. This is also a sure sign of confidence. Imagine how the average guy would handle the situation: he’d stand there and talk her ear off for as long as she allowed him to. Not you.
Nice guys say predictable things, and take women out on predictable dates. You want to have an “edge” that conveys calm, cool confidence; act like your options are endless, and she’s just one of them.
If you’re standing at the bar, talking to a girl, here’s what the difference would be…
BORING GUY: “So, can I buy you a drink?”
COOL GUY: “Grab us a couple of drinks, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Or, another variation on this:
BORING GUY: “Let me buy you a drink.”
COOL GUY: “Y’know what, Melissa, I get the sense that you’re a lot deeper than most guys realize. I’m going to go ahead and get us some drinks, because I want to hear more about that trip you took toSpain.” Or, as you’re about to leave the bar with her…
BORING GUY: “Can I walk you to your car?”
COOL GUY: “C’mon, walk me to my car.”
Or, when you call her to schedule a date:
BORING GUY: “Maybe if you’re free sometime, we could get together and do something…”
COOL GUY: “I’m planning on checking out this new Mexican place on Friday night, I hear they make the best margaritas in town. Why don’t you come along, I can pick you up at eight o’clock.”
Assume that the last 37 guys that approached her, or called her, were utterly predictable. They introduced themselves the same way, asked her the same series of “job interview”-type questions, and talked about standard, uninteresting topics. And they only changed topics when the current topic had been run into the ground.
The key to having dynamic conversations is that you control the flow. You keep the conversation moving into new, interesting territory. Don’t linger on a topic until it has run out of steam. Keep the conversation flowing in new directions to keep her in a heightened, interested emotional state.