Full disclosure: as I write this, I’m 32 years old. I may not exactly qualify as an “older guy” to many of you. But that being said, the girl I’m currently dating is 8 years younger than I am. The one before her was nine years younger. And, for a brief moment, I had my taste of a nineteen-year-old while on a visit to foreign lands. Any more of an age gap, and I’d probably be breaking the law.
I suppose that on the surface, you’d think there is a vast difference between 25 and 45. In a relationship, 1o years apart seems to be socially acceptable; 20 or 30 is bound to raise some eyebrows.
However, your success with younger women is not dependent on how old you are, or how large the gap is. The approach you use for a woman your age will also work for someone younger—with a few minor tweaks.
Your success really comes down to three things:
- The image you present to the world.
- The beliefs/thoughts you have running around in your head, your mindset.
- Your selection criteria (ie how you select who you’re going to approach)
Those are the same three things you’d focus on if there weren’t any age gap. Only the variables within each group change a little. Women are women; the psychology of a woman doesn’t change with age. Only her focus does.
1. Your Image
When I talk about your image, I don’t mean the way you dress (though that is an element of it). The image we’re concerned with is the one that she forms based on your external appearance, your way of moving through the world, how you carry yourself, what you say, how you interact with others, etc.
You want to be in total control of the kind of person she thinks you are. Women don’t just go for what’s on the surface. She’s asking herself “what kind of person is he on the inside?” The answer that you should have ready for her should be something that overpowers any resistance to your age, looks, height, weight, or anything else that is outside her normal “type.”
Women go for men who have what they want. That’s really what it boils down to:
Do you have what she wants?
Sure, some of them want you to be Brad Pitt (who is over 40, by the way. But, he’s perceived as youthful because he’s presented that way). But, they’ll gladly put aside good looks and age if you have everything else she’s been looking for.
With age comes many benefits. Experience, security, understanding, and social status are all byproducts of getting older. If you want to attract younger women, forget about the age difference and focus on the benefits that come from being older. But your actions must speak louder than words. You can’t just talk about being more experienced and mature than men her age. It has to be seen to be believed.
If you have to tell her, then you’re not doing it right.
You have to start asking yourself, “What are the qualities that make me attractive, despite my age?” And, honestly, if I were you, I’d even drop that last part about your age. Just ask yourself, why would anyone, regardless of how old she is, want to be dating you?
I can promise you this: if you have attractive qualities that make you desirable to women in general, then you definitely have qualities that younger women will also find attractive. While the mindset of a woman does change as she gets older, they’re all still attracted to the fundamentals. Demonstrate to everyone around you that you’re the man they either want to be, or the man they want to be with.
Up to a certain point, you want to present yourself as youthfully masculine. Don’t get an earring and dye your hair blonde. Just take care of your body; eat right and exercise. Display healthiness, and you’ll be associated with youthfulness. Wear clothes that look good, and make you seem like you’ve opened up a copy of GQ Magazine in the past year.
You should be doing that no matter how old you are, but if you want to seem especially younger, you shouldn’t be the kind of guy who looks like he needs to relax at home after a hard day of work.
Engage in strenuous physical activity. Hit the gym, go hiking or ride a bike. Take dance classes. If you don’t feel old, you won’t look old. Besides, younger women don’t go for the stay-at-home types. They’re more likely to go for you if you’re bursting with energy.
If you’re clean-shaven or have a beard or a mustache, try trading it in for the “haven’t shaved in two days” stubble. Studies have shown that women find this look attractive. Again, it connotes a young, yet maturing appearance. It also demonstrates a little rebelliousness, especially in older men.
Remember, it’s all in service to the image she’ll make up in her head. In there, you need to seem youthful, energetic, strong, experience, able to take care of her and satisfy her. If you can conjure and cultivate the portrait of a capable man, the age difference will have little meaning.
2. Your Mindset
What you project as your image has its roots in what you’re thinking right now. Who do you believe yourself to be? What do you feel are the boundaries of your capabilities?
Let me ask you this: right now, do you feel like you can easily pick up a desirable 25 year old? Do you feel that you’re at a disadvantage because of your age?
Over the years, I’ve heard every excuse in the book, and I can tell you that there are almost as many 25 year old guys who don’t think they can get a 25 year old girl, as there are 45 year olds who think the same way.
It’s not your age; it’s your beliefs about your age that hold you back. As I pointed out earlier, getting older has its benefits. But what if you were to truly believe that your age isn’t something to hide? What if you were proud of how old you are?