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Achieving the Right Image and Attitude Part 1 By Lucas West

Full disclosure: as I write this, I’m 32 years old. I may not exactly qualify as an “older guy” to many of you. But that being said, the girl I’m currently dating is 8 years younger than I am. The one before her was nine years younger. And, for a brief moment, I had my taste of a nineteen-year-old while on a visit to foreign lands. Any more of an age gap, and I’d probably be breaking the law.

I suppose that on the surface, you’d think there is a vast difference between 25 and 45. In a relationship, 1o years apart seems to be socially acceptable; 20 or 30 is bound to raise some eyebrows.

However, your success with younger women is not dependent on how old you are, or how large the gap is. The approach you use for a woman your age will also work for someone younger—with a few minor tweaks.

Your success really comes down to three things:

  1. The image you present to the world.
  2. The beliefs/thoughts you have running around in your head, your mindset.
  3. Your selection criteria (ie how you select who you’re going to approach)

Those are the same three things you’d focus on if there weren’t any age gap. Only the variables within each group change a little. Women are women; the psychology of a woman doesn’t change with age. Only her focus does.

1. Your Image

When I talk about your image, I don’t mean the way you dress (though that is an element of it). The image we’re concerned with is the one that she forms based on your external appearance, your way of moving through the world, how you carry yourself, what you say, how you interact with others, etc.

You want to be in total control of the kind of person she thinks you are. Women don’t just go for what’s on the surface. She’s asking herself “what kind of person is he on the inside?” The answer that you should have ready for her should be something that overpowers any resistance to your age, looks, height, weight, or anything else that is outside her normal “type.”

Women go for men who have what they want. That’s really what it boils down to:

Do you have what she wants?

Sure, some of them want you to be Brad Pitt (who is over 40, by the way. But, he’s perceived as youthful because he’s presented that way). But, they’ll gladly put aside good looks and age if you have everything else she’s been looking for.

With age comes many benefits. Experience, security, understanding, and social status are all byproducts of getting older. If you want to attract younger women, forget about the age difference and focus on the benefits that come from being older. But your actions must speak louder than words. You can’t just talk about being more experienced and mature than men her age. It has to be seen to be believed.

If you have to tell her, then you’re not doing it right.

You have to start asking yourself, “What are the qualities that make me attractive, despite my age?” And, honestly, if I were you, I’d even drop that last part about your age. Just ask yourself, why would anyone, regardless of how old she is, want to be dating you?

I can promise you this: if you have attractive qualities that make you desirable to women in general, then you definitely have qualities that younger women will also find attractive. While the mindset of a woman does change as she gets older, they’re all still attracted to the fundamentals. Demonstrate to everyone around you that you’re the man they either want to be, or the man they want to be with.

Up to a certain point, you want to present yourself as youthfully masculine. Don’t get an earring and dye your hair blonde. Just take care of your body; eat right and exercise. Display healthiness, and you’ll be associated with youthfulness. Wear clothes that look good, and make you seem like you’ve opened up a copy of GQ Magazine in the past year.

You should be doing that no matter how old you are, but if you want to seem especially younger, you shouldn’t be the kind of guy who looks like he needs to relax at home after a hard day of work.

Engage in strenuous physical activity. Hit the gym, go hiking or ride a bike. Take dance classes. If you don’t feel old, you won’t look old. Besides, younger women don’t go for the stay-at-home types. They’re more likely to go for you if you’re bursting with energy.

If you’re clean-shaven or have a beard or a mustache, try trading it in for the “haven’t shaved in two days” stubble. Studies have shown that women find this look attractive. Again, it connotes a young, yet maturing appearance. It also demonstrates a little rebelliousness, especially in older men.

Remember, it’s all in service to the image she’ll make up in her head. In there, you need to seem youthful, energetic, strong, experience, able to take care of her and satisfy her. If you can conjure and cultivate the portrait of a capable man, the age difference will have little meaning.

2. Your Mindset

What you project as your image has its roots in what you’re thinking right now. Who do you believe yourself to be? What do you feel are the boundaries of your capabilities?

Let me ask you this: right now, do you feel like you can easily pick up a desirable 25 year old? Do you feel that you’re at a disadvantage because of your age?

Over the years, I’ve heard every excuse in the book, and I can tell you that there are almost as many 25 year old guys who don’t think they can get a 25 year old girl, as there are 45 year olds who think the same way.

It’s not your age; it’s your beliefs about your age that hold you back. As I pointed out earlier, getting older has its benefits. But what if you were to truly believe that your age isn’t something to hide? What if you were proud of how old you are?

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The Importance of Originality Part 1 By Dean Cortez

Enjoying massive success with younger women begins with what I call the “180 Rule.” What this means, basically, is that you’ve got to start doing the opposite of what most men do when they interact with women. You want to take your game in a completely opposite direction.

This is because the worst thing you can do, when you’re out there meeting women, is to be predictable. When you approach or converse with a woman in an unoriginal, predictable way, she’s going to mentally lump you in with the last 47 guys who walked up to her, or offered to buy her a drink, or made some annoying attempt to get her phone number.

Keep this question in mind: when you talk to women, are you giving them reasons to say “yes” to you? Are you motivating them towards getting to know you, handing over their phone number, or going back to your place?

Or, are you being unoriginal and giving them reasons to say “no?” Think of yourself as guy #48…and remember, the last 47 got shot down because they didn’t strike her as being anything different.

Some of those 47 guys were tall; others were short. Some were her age. Some were older. Some were strikingly handsome; others reminded her of her creepy high school math teacher.

But she wound up shooting down all of them because she didn’t perceive any value in them, and she didn’t sense any challenge.

They all wanted her! That much was obvious. They would have gladly paid for her drinks all night, if she would do them the honor of keeping them company. But there was nothing interesting about them. They were a drain on her energy, and her patience.

The moment these guys started talking, her female “radar” was picking up on red flags. So what if he was tall, or rich, or bore a strong  resemblance to Johnny Depp he was lame and predictable. After five minutes of dead-end conversation, she was already glancing around the room trying to come up with an excuse to extract herself.

Remember that women are conditioned to say “no” to men. This is a natural defense mechanism.

Attractive women are approached and propositioned by men constantly. They don’t say “no” just to spare themselves from endless, lame conversations there’s also an evolutionary reason behind it.

Let’s face it. What does every one of these guys want from her? Sex. This is why we approach women and start conversations. And as men, theoretically, we could sleep with an endless number of women and never face any consequences.

For women, however, there is always the chance that they will get pregnant. If she lowers her shield and gets intimate with the wrong guy, she could very easily wind up a single mother, raising a genetically weak child. And as a single mother, her chances of “winning the game”—meeting and marrying a successful, attractive man who makes her feel secure are significantly diminished. She got screwed literally.

So, not to get overly analytical, but just remember that younger women are looking for reasons to blow you off rather than lowering their defenses and allowing you into their world.

         You’ve got to give her reasons to say “yes.”

         YES, it’s great to meet you and I want to know more about you.

         YES, I’d love to give you my phone number.

         YES, I am free on Friday night for dinner.

         YES, let’s go back to your place and open that bottle of wine.

So what’s the key to putting her in the “yes” mindset?  Let’s begin with the #1 mistake that men make with women: broadcasting their interest.

In other words, he lets her know, right off the bat, that he’s attracted to her and would LOVE to get with her, if she decides that he is worthy. This immediately puts him in a position of weakness instead of a position of strength.

Here are some of the ways that guys broadcast their interest:

  • Telling her how beautiful she is
  • Using an obvious “pickup line”
  • Offering to buy her a drink right away
  • Talking too much about himself, in an attempt to impress her
  •  Monopolizing her time and space (once the conversation begins, he’ll try to engage her for as long as possible until she has to politely excuse herself)
  • Being jealous or possessive; feeling threatened by other men in the environment

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Effective Approach Tactics

The most effective openers are ones that sneak under her radar and don’t sound like opening lines. (Remember, you don’t want to telegraph that you’re interested in her.)

Instead of opening with a question such as, “Hi, I’m Joe, what’s your name?” Or, “How are you doing tonight?”, try making a STATEMENT that includes some type of observation about her.


“I can see you know how to have fun. Alright, you’re on the guest list for my next party.”

“Quick question. There’s this cool pair of jeans that I want to buy for a friend of mine. She’s around your size, but it’s hard to say, exactly. I’m just wondering, should I buy them a little bit bigger, or a little bit smaller? If the size is too big, I’m worried she might get a little bit offended…but if they’re too small, that might bum her out, y’know? Which would you prefer if someone bought you jeans that were a little bit too big, or a little too small?”

If this sounds like something trivial to ask a woman about, that’s sort of the point. What you start talking to her about is irrelevant, as long as it’s something original and compelling enough to make her reply.

The purpose of your opener, whether it’s a question, a statement, or a little story like the one above, is simply to be original and get her talking. Once she starts talking, you’ll find a way to interject and move the conversation onto a different topic. (You wouldn’t want to spend the next five minutes on a discussion about jeans, or how females have negative perceptions of their bodies, or whatever. The point of the story was to OPEN the conversation, nothing more.)

Next, you want to transition the conversation to a more interesting topic, one that also allows you to plant seeds about your positive qualities.

So, you use the “buying a pair of jeans opener,” and she says…

HER: I’d buy them a size too small, if anything. She can always return them if they don’t fit.

YOU: That’s true. I just know she’s been kind of self-conscious since her boyfriend broke up with her. I still can’t believe he dumped her over such a stupid reason…

HER: (curious now) Why? What happened?

YOU: Well, somehow he found out the password to her email account, and he checked her emails and found out that she’d been corresponding with her ex-boyfriend Mike. Mike was her high school sweetheart. They broke up years ago, and Mike has a wife and a kid now, but they stayed friends. Anyway, when her current boyfriend saw those emails, he flipped out and broke up with her.

HER: That’s terrible.

YOU: Some people just don’t get it. For me, I can’t be in a relationship unless I feel like I’m 100% trusted, and I can trust my girl completely. Trust and commitment are so important to me.

HER: Me too.

YOU: We have that in common, that’s good. So tell me…if you were dating a guy, and you found out the password to his email account, would you check it?

Now you’re engaged in a very compelling conversation. You’ve totally “reeled her in.” Once you feel enough has been said on this particular topic, transition to something else.

The point I’m making here is that talking about Relationship Dramas and Cheating are excellent topics for jump-starting a conversation with a woman.  (Or women, plural you can start a conversation with a group of girls this way, just as easily.) Women naturally love gossip, especially about cheating and screwed-up relationships, which is why these openers and topics work SO effectively.

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The Importance of Originality Part 2 By Dean Cortez

The skilled seducer, on the other hand, understands how to challenge women and frame himself as the “prize” that she needs to win. He talks very little about himself. When she asks him questions (such as “what do you do for a living?”), he responds with a playful joke, or alludes to what he does in vague terms.

He has no need to impress her. She is the one who is going to need to be impressive, because YOU are a man of wisdom and experience, with many options.

Project this to women, and they’ll express their interest in you. They’ll show it in small ways  a brief touch, a flirtatious smile, a comment like “you’re cute” or “so are you this smooth with all the girls you meet?”

The key is to not take the bait. If she says or does something that seems to indicate her interest in you, ignore it. Stick with your game. Her indication of interest is not a license for you to drop your guard and broadcast your interest. If anything, you’ve got to play it more cool.

HER: “You’re so interesting. I feel like you and me really click.’”

YOU: “I hear that a lot from women.”

HER: “You’re probably a player, huh? Popular with the ladies?”

YOU: ‘Women like me, and I love women. So it all works out.”

HER: “I like you.”

YOU: “Yeah, I can tell.”

Let’s say that you’re out with a woman, and the conversation has been going great. You’ve been controlling the flow of the conversation and building a bond with her.

You say something funny and touch her on the knee.

She puts her hand on yours.

She looks into your eyes, and smiles…

So now the two of you are holding hands, and it’s obvious she’s attracted to you. At this point, the typical guy will think “this girl is into me,” and will start acting differently.

His inner Wuss will emerge. He’ll start being super-nice and polite and allow the conversation to drift onto the wrong topics. (Such as talking about “exes,” and past relationships, and his own personal problems…WEAK areas that should be avoided)

He’s trying extra hard not to “blow it.” He figures if he can just be super nice and polite and not say anything stupid, surely he’ll get her back to his place…

Because he’s received approval from her, and has proof that she likes him, he figures,

“I don’t need to keep applying my skills at this point. This one’s in the bag. I can just be myself now.”

The problem is, this means reverting back to being the boring, ordinary and predictable version of who he is. When she realizes that he’s really not the confident, funny, mysterious guy she thought he was, her attraction cools off…and the date ends with a kiss on the cheek, and her going home alone.

A classic example of this comes from the movie “The Empire Strikes Back.” Han Solo is about to descend into the carbon chamber and get deep-freezed. Princess Leia’s parting words to him are, “I love you.”

To which Han replies, “I know.”

So after all the sexual tension that has been building up between these two, she finally loses control and blurts out a declaration of love. And how does Han react? Does he reciprocate, by telling her how much he loves her and getting all mushy?

Hell no! He just says, “I know.”

Maybe he loves her, too. But he doesn’t give her the confession. He doesn’t give her the validation she is craving at that moment. He doesn’t let her win.

As a result, this AMPLIFIES the sexual tension, and Leia’s attraction towards him, to a mind-blowing level. If she wanted him before, now she absolutely craves him with every molecule of her being.

If you start chatting with a woman in a bar, don’t monopolize her time and space. Excuse yourself to step outside and make a phone call, or to check in with some friends. Come back five or ten minutes later and pick up where you left off with her.

The idea is to get her interested, build up her attraction, then disengage and give her space. Repeat the process. You can make her miss you, even if you’re only stepping away for a few minutes. This is also a sure sign of confidence. Imagine how the average guy would handle the situation: he’d stand there and talk her ear off for as long as she allowed him to. Not you.

Nice guys say predictable things, and take women out on predictable dates. You want to have an “edge” that conveys calm, cool confidence; act like your options are endless, and she’s just one of them.

If you’re standing at the bar, talking to a girl, here’s what the difference would be…

BORING GUY: “So, can I buy you a drink?”

COOL GUY: “Grab us a couple of drinks, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Or, another variation on this:

BORING GUY: “Let me buy you a drink.”

COOL GUY: “Y’know what, Melissa, I get the sense that you’re a lot deeper than most guys realize. I’m going to go ahead and get us some drinks, because I want to hear more about that trip you took toSpain.” Or, as you’re about to leave the bar with her…

BORING GUY: “Can I walk you to your car?”

COOL GUY: “C’mon, walk me to my car.”

Or, when you call her to schedule a date:

BORING GUY: “Maybe if you’re free sometime, we could get together and do something…”

COOL GUY: “I’m planning on checking out this new Mexican place  on Friday night, I hear they make the best margaritas in town. Why don’t you come along, I can pick you up at eight o’clock.”

Assume that the last 37 guys that approached her, or called her, were utterly predictable. They introduced themselves the same way, asked her the same series of “job interview”-type questions, and talked about standard, uninteresting topics. And they only changed topics when the current topic had been run into the ground.

The key to having dynamic conversations is that you control the flow. You keep the conversation moving into new, interesting territory. Don’t linger on a topic until it has run out of steam. Keep the conversation flowing in new directions to keep her in a heightened, interested emotional state.

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The Archetypes Part 2

Archetype Four: “The Scattered Self-Improver”

I can’t help liking this guy. He’s ambitious and is always juggling a few different projects. He’s always learning new things and works out almost every day. He might sing karaoke, study martial arts, attend motivational seminars, volunteer for good causes, learn different languages, and train his dog to do tricks.

In his free time, he might create 3-D animations, or build a boat. Have I forgotten anything? Oh, yes. He also likes to think of himself as a “pickup artist.”

This guy appears to have an interesting, rich life. The challenge lies in his inherent superficiality. The reason, strangely enough, is the same as with the previous archetype: fear of reality.

The difference is that while the Brainwashed guy is hindered by what society and the media tell him is the “best,” the Scattered Self-Improver is constantly trying to distract himself.

He goes out on a lot of first dates. He rarely gets a second date: he seems to lose interest in that woman, or he can’t find time to see her again, or (more often than not) she finds his lifestyle overwhelming and feels intimidated by his well-rounded greatness.

Even when he gets to have a relationship with a woman, it hardly lasts longer than a few weeks.

A solution? Tone it down. Less is more. We cannot be all things at once. Sacrifice the numbers for the sake of depth. Make choices.

Over the last few years, I’ve worked with hundreds of men on improving and in many cases, radically transforming their romantic lives. At least a half of these men were born in the 1960s or earlier.

I measure the success of what I do by what my students consider their personal breakthroughs. I’m proud to say that my success rate, when it comes to helping men achieve a greater level of success with women, is over 90 percent.

I never expect to have absolute success in all cases: I know how life works and do not suffer from obsessive perfectionism. I’m pleased with the somewhat imperfect consistency of the results of my teaching.

So before I wrap up this chapter, let me share with you a few successful case studies (since I get to choose whom I tell you about, I guess I will just brag about the most interesting ones). The names of the characters in these stories, and certain personal details, are changed for the sake of their privacy.

Gene, a resident ofLondonand a professional magazine editor, recently came to visit me inNew York. He was a 57-year-old widower and a father of three adult children.

We spent five days together a period of intensive training, during which I got Gene to observe me in action as I approached dozens of women in bookstores, museums, shopping centers, coffee houses, parks, and in the streets. After that, it was Gene’s turn to show me what he can do.

Most of the women Gene met during those days were considerably younger than he was. Gene was painfully shy during the first couple of days, and we shared a few dramatic moments when our teacher/student relationship was tested by fire and ice. Eventually, he managed to open up, and after the third day of training on things began to go much better for him. In the beginning, he learned to approach women and open conversations with the simplest “excuse me.”

By the end of his training with me he could consistently get phone numbers, using the elegant, hard-to refuse tactic: “I’d like you to have my phone number… and I want yours, of course”. Gene sent a gentlemanly text message “I’m glad I met you” to each of the women whose numbers he got, invited the ones who responded to meet him later on the same day, went out with one of the youngest of those women, ended up making out in her place, and was an hour late for our final night training session in a bar.

Today, several months after Gene and I met, he is dating a woman in her thirties a journalist like himself. From what I understand, Gene is not planning to marry her, and yet he speaks of her as a hopefully permanent romantic partner.

Another example would be Robert, 46 years old and African American, who lives inChicagoand works in the medical field. The challenge he faced was of a different sort: he was dating a very attractive woman in her early twenties, and yet he suffered from a nagging sense that he didn’t deserve to be with someone like her.

My work with Robert began to feel closer to that of a therapist than a courtship instructor but I don’t really do therapy, so instead I chose to address my new friend’s self-doubts by “reconnecting” him with womankind through field practice.

Robert and I spent a couple of days chatting with every attractive young woman we could find inChicago, in every place we could think of: bookstores, shopping malls, coffee houses, a bus terminal, even inside a Catholic temple.

I enjoyed seeing young women attracted to Robert wherever we went, and noticed how he began to blossom in the awareness of his masculine charm.

Robert had no approach anxiety and was a naturally great communicator. In the Art Institute of Chicago he approached an attractive young blonde, started a conversation about a surrealist painting she was observing, and ended up cruising the museum with her, his arm around her waist. To match him, I found a girl for myself.

Each time Robert and I passed each other with our beautiful companions, we exchanged conspiratorial nods or winks… until the girls figured us out and started laughing.

Then we made the introduction. The four of us had dinner together, and agreed to meet again later. After that, Robert and I discussed the events of the last two days, sharing a six-pack of Guinness in my hotel room. Robert told me that he began to see women’s ready interest in him as something to be expected.

My job was pretty much done. We ended up celebrating on a Saturday night in a bar on top of Water Tower. The girls from the Art Institute were there with us.

My final example is Andrew, 41, a software engineer of Japanese descent fromToronto. He’s one of my favorite students, because he had a number of significant challenges to overcome yet he was determined to keep working on himself until he had achieved a new lifestyle, image, pattern of behaviors, and a new self-perception.

It took a while. When Andrew and I first met, he was overweight, slouching, and dreadfully dressed with non-existent conversational skills, a high-pitched voice, a gloomy disposition, and a terribly negative belief that “Asian men don’t get many chicks.” He had a great talent for triggering instant resistance in every woman he tried to approach.

By this point, he was pretty desperate. He hated his job, his apartment, and his body. It was obvious to me that the guy was not ready to get to the actual dating he had to take certain measures first, to prepare himself.

Before I began actually teaching him, I sent him back home with a few bits of advice: to throw away the coat that gave his shoulders sloping rounded shape, and to get instead a classic jacket that would underline the angular look a man’s shoulders must have; to get rid of the pleated corporate khaki pants he was wearing, and spend a couple hundred dollars on decent jeans. For the full measure, I threw in the mandate to get in shape and stand up straight.

When Andrew came back three months later, he was twenty pounds lighter (a result of a karate class he signed up for), and stood two inches taller thanks to his improved posture. He was dressed more stylishly, as well. Yes, these were definite improvements. We spent a day working on the way he moved. We didn’t approach a single woman that day; that part of the process would come later.

After he returned to Toronto, we started our weekly Yahoo Messenger sessions and over the next four months I taught him conversational skills. We started with the basics that Andrew confessed made him feel back in the elementary school again: we had to do it, because in Andrew’s speech even simple concise statements and elementary questions needed to be cleaned up.

We progressed through complex statements to my favorite simple and fun-to-learn verbal improvisation skills like 4-corner flirting, compliments and teasing, dynamic statement of intent, topical and emotional pivoting, free association, and eliciting erotic fantasies, and a few others.

Over time, Andrew developed the necessary “conversational comfort zone” he needed to feel confident enough to approach women. He came back toNew Yorkagain, and that’s when we finally began to test his skills in the field. I am very happy to say that Andrew has turned out to become an even greater ladies man than yours truly.

He found a much better job, and he’s taking voice lessons. When I met him again a few weeks ago, he radiated confidence and charm. He ended up getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, and the two of them are much tighter than before. Click here for Part 1.

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Specific Age-Related Issues

Do you lie about your age, or tell the truth?

It’s best to tell the truth, but in my opinion, you don’t have to tell her your age straight away.

Women may want all the information on you immediately, but you don’t have a responsibility to tell her everything upfront and in the first few minutes, or even hours. Use intrigue, and reveal things about yourself over time.  If every time she hangs out with you, you reveal some new talent or hobby of yours, she’ll be endlessly curious and interested in knowing more about you. This is much more effective than reeling off your list of accomplishments and interests in the first thirty minutes you spend talking to her.

Women will often use standard job interview-type questions when they first meet a man—such as your age, your job, where you live, etc. It’s better to bypass this “Q&A” and engage women on a fun, more creative level. Stimulate that side of her, and don’t cater to her analytical and probing side—where she’s asking the questions, you’re trying to come up with the “right” answers, and she’s running it all through her mental computer and figuring out whether you’re the type of guy she should be interested in.

What do you do with her friends?

One problem you may face when dating younger women is that she may be less likely to introduce you to her friends and family. Some guys can get offended by this, and see this as a sign that the woman is putting limits on how serious she considers the relationship to be. The best approach is to focus on shaping and living in the “now” and enjoying the time you spend with her.

Older guys sometimes fall into the trap of thinking ahead too much, and getting too serious with any young woman that show them attention. It may take a while for a woman to picture herself in a long-term relationship with you, and if you try and force it too early, it can backfire. (When you put pressure on her to make a commitment, it always conveys a sense of urgency and desperation on your part—very unattractive qualities.) Many times, I’ve seen younger women think that a long-term relationship with an older guy just isn’t in the cards. But the more time they spend with the guy, the more their feelings change.

What about online dating?

I think that when you’re dealing with an age gap, meeting women face-to-face  is especially important because you can have a chance to have fun with her before she screens you based on age. But online dating is a good way to increase your exposure to women, and it can be a key part of a lifestyle that involves constantly interacting with new people. I recommend you incorporate online dating into your lifestyle.

You’re likely to get “hung up” on one particular woman, and put all your eggs in that basket, when she’s the only option on your radar. If you’re meeting women on your social scene, and regularly emailing and chatting with new women online, you’ll never feel that you NEED to make it happen with a certain girl. You’ve got a Plan B, a Plan C, and so on.

What are some more specifics on approaching and dating younger women?

One of the best naturals I ever met was 40 years old. He was the guy who would pick up a girl EVERY time we would go out, and often within minutes. He would roll into a club and he’d be kissing women before I got my first drink. Sometimes these were hot college girls, and he had bad teeth and was small, short and pretty skinny. But my God, he was dominant! He was cocky, bordering on arrogant. He could be pushy. He’d touch women long before most guys would think it was appropriate to do so. But it worked!

On the other hand, most older guys are limited by terrible imaginary rules about pickup and dating—like making physical contact with a woman you just met is wrong, or you shouldn’t  approach groups of younger women because they’ll only shut you out. Believe me, the list is endless for what I call “creative avoidance”—the silly justifications that men come up with, for not going after what they want.

Follow the standard rules of pickup. According to my method, these rules include:

  1. Approach first, think later
  2. Start touching straight away (not in a creepy way—find creative, subtle ways to establish body contact. This can be as simple as high-fiving her after you agree on something funny.)
  3. Look to move her to a different location pretty quickly (this could be another area of the bar)
  4. Escalate: physically, logistically, and by going for the “pull” or the phone number. (But save the heavy physical escalation for when you’re one-on-one with her.)
  5. Never be the typical “nice guy”; don’t act needy or timid
  6. Enjoy women. Don’t treat them as objects, have fun with them.

I want to reinforce the idea that pickup is easy.

Younger women are not that hard to meet and date. In fact, that young hottie you’ve got your eye on is eager to meet an older guy who brings value to their life, makes her feel safe and protected,  and takes her mind off the stresses and problems of her reality. Why shouldn’t that guy be you?

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The Archetypes Part 1

Archetype One: “The 40 Year-Old Virgin”

This type of guy doesn’t necessarily need to be a virgin in the strict, sexual sense. By “virgin” I might also mean a guy who has managed to have a lot of stuff in his life handled well: he might have a great career, education, health, and spirituality, and yet he hasn’t dated much since college. Or, he might have been married for decades and recently divorced.

Perhaps his career kept him too occupied. One way or another, he’s reached a mature stage in his life in certain respects, but when it comes to dating/seducing women, he knows less than most men who are 10 or even 20 years younger than he is.

The greatest challenge for such “late beginner” lies in the sense of embarrassment of being a beginner at his age. But you’ve got to approach the process of learning pickup the way you would any other skill, such as learning to play a musical instrument; you set aside some time each day to learn and practice.

Archetype Two: “The Giver-Upper”

We all know guys who have a mundane daily routine working, eating, sleeping, running chores, going through the paces and slouching through it all, with little to look forward to or get excited about?

Like any of us, this guy had great dreams once, and had talents to match those dreams but at some point he gave up hope, and began to lose interest in life, and in himself?

Whatever it is that brings happiness and enthusiasm to the lives of other men, he figures it has passed him by it’s simply “too late” for him to experience those things.

And yet there is something still alive in that man’s soul, which makes him crave the companionship of a woman.

He believes the right relationship would make him happy.

Neurotic perfectionism is likely to be at the core of such a self-defeating attitude. This guy expects “all” or “nothing” of himself. Since “all” would not be plausible for anyone, he settles for “nothing.”

He’s facing a tough task of accepting and surviving his imperfection he can’t find a way to emerge from the cloud of denial he has enveloped himself in, and improve his situation and sense of self-worth.

All of the greatest things any of the greatest human beings ever achieved have the ordinary at their core. Embrace the ordinary: the brilliant people who make Apple computers are not as perfect as their product (and it’s not that perfect, either); Beethoven’s music is almost supernatural in its beauty, but the guy who composed those symphonies and quartets was just as imperfect in his humanity as any of us.

Join a gym. Free some time to do things you always dreamed of doing. Dare to be ordinary and yet dare to be as great as your dreams are. Wake up.

Archetype Three: “The Brainwashed”

This one is the toughest cookie. He defines reality by what he watches on TV, or reads in men’s magazines. He overlooks great women whose love would make any man proud, just because he believes that a man of his stature must date women with “model” looks.

His self-respect is based on the value of labels attached to things he owns, drives, wears, eats, or drinks. He finds safety in the brand. A woman is no more than a status symbol for him, even though he would deny it in public for the sake of political correctness.

Fear of reality drives this man. His case may be the most challenging, because he is not aware of his fear. This man has to slow down and face the fear. This is the only way for him to meet a woman he would actually be happy with.

Otherwise, he is bound to always take the wrong turn at the road fork of his destiny.

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Live A Rockin’ Lifestyle Part 1 by Lance

As a kid, Lance says he was the “prototypical skinny, Dungeons & Dragons playing nerd—totally unpopular in high school.” He then discovered sports and dedicated himself to athletics and fitness. In college, he joined the rowing team and competed successfully at the collegiate and national level. Realizing that he had a talent for leading and communicating with people, Lance then became a crew coach.

He also decided to use these skills to branch out into coaching men in a different area: achieving confidence and success with women. He is the co-author of, a popular blog about dating, relationships, sex and life.

Lance decided to get serious about improving his own skills with women after reading “The Game,” the best-selling book by Neil Strauss. It prompted him to immerse himself in learning the art of “pickup” and becoming what he calls a “social artist.”

This launched him on a journey of discovery about women, dating, attraction, and the nature of being a true man in today’s world. His goal is to live a life of passion and adventure, and have deep and meaningful relationships with all those around him.

* * * * *

If you’re a guy over the age of 40, the key to getting dates with younger women is cultivating the right lifestyle. This principle applies to dating in general, but it’s especially important if you’re going after girls 10 or more years younger than yourself.

Let’s look at an example of a 40+ guy. Bill is 45, six feet tall, with average looks a little flabby but not obese. He’s got a full head of hair, though it’s graying and thinning a bit. He’s a working professional, makes a good living, owns his own house, and drives a nice car.

Bill is recently divorced and looking to meet a highly attractive, intelligent woman in her mid 20s to early 30s.

He’s not against the idea of dating women his age, but he’s strongly attracted to the younger hotties out there.

I respect where he’s coming from; I would be doing the exact same thing. I’m 33 and I actively seek out and date girls in the 21 to 26 age range, because that’s what I’m most attracted to so why settle for anything less?

A guy like Bill will typically convince himself that his age places him outside of the “ideal” search range of most younger hotties. He may believe that being divorced makes him “damaged goods” in the eyes of most never-married women. And he’s usually going to be self-conscious about his average looks and physique.

What Bill needs to realize, however, is that he has powerful assets working in his favor. He’s a successful professional (perhaps even an expert in his field), and this is huge. This is going to help him tremendously, because it indicates that he’s a man of means; he has money, security, intelligence, and it would be easy to assume that he’s ambitious and confident. These are all qualities that attractive younger women are looking for.

What else are younger women looking for? If she has reached her 30s and has never been married, she’s probably looking to settle down with the right guy and have kids. If she’s divorced with no kids, she may be looking to settle down again, or she may be looking to have some fun and play the field. These types of women are usually open to dating an older guy.

Or, if she’s single and has kids, she may be open to a casual sexual relationship because she doesn’t have a lot of time for a serious relationship, and would rather not introduce a new “boyfriend” to her kids at this time.

My point is that there are a variety of categories when you’re talking about younger women, and a multitude of reasons why they may be looking to date, or just have fun with, an older guy.


Now, back to my original premise: having the right lifestyle will attract younger women. Lifestyle encompasses a bunch of stuff, so let’s break it down:

Fitness and looks.

Having average looks doesn’t help, but it doesn’t hurt you either. Women are funny in that they’ll be immediately attracted to a hot guy, but they’ll be more deeply attracted to man with high social value. A lot of girls will even say they don’t care about looks they care more about intelligence, personality, and confidence.

If you’re a mature, independent professional, you’ve got a huge head start! Stack the deck even further by improving your fitness and looks. If you’re out of shape and carrying an extra 20-30 pounds (or more), get a gym membership and work out daily. Don’t just do it because you want to get chicks  do it because you’ll feel and look better, and because you’ll be healthier and live a longer life. In my opinion, there is zero excuse for not being fit, no matter your age.

Even if you’re lugging the spare tire but making an effort to get toned, people will take notice. Co-workers will ask, “have you lost weight?” and chicks will dig on you more. It’s an amazing feeling and it will encourage you to keep hitting the gym.

Go even further and play sports. Did you play soccer or basketball back in high school or college? How about running or cycling? Get back into it, train for an event, and enjoy the fitness benefits. Consider picking up a “cool” new sport like snowboarding or surfing. Make sure to get some sun. A tan goes a long way towards improving your disposition.

A 45-year old guy who’s fit and tanned suddenly looks like he’s 35. He’s also the handsome, sexy gentleman, as opposed to the middle-aged fatso.

Get a cool haircut.

This falls under the looks category, but it’s so important that I want to break it out as a separate item. DO NOT go through life with a lame, “older guy” haircut. The last thing you want is to look like a sad sack insurance salesman. If you have a full head of hair, grow it out a bit, go to an upscale stylist, and tell them you want a cool cut. Let them go to town.

One great tip is to find a gay male stylist, because they give the best cuts. I always advise to keep your hair its natural color (i.e. graying) because chicks think it’s dignified and sexy, and often times a dye job looks unnatural and is an obvious attempt to conceal your true age.

Are you balding or almost bald? If so, consider going clean-shaven if you have the right skull and body shape. Generally this looks great on leaner guys, but it can certainly work with the bigger guys if you have the right skull shape. You might try rocking the Mr. Clean look with a well-groomed goatee.

If you’re not sure what a cool cut for a 45-year old guy looks like, watch practically any television show and note the popular actors in your age range to get some idea. There are actors who have very little hair, but they style and groom themselves immaculately. Click here for more surefire tips on how to date young women.

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Putting Younger Women In “Pursuit Mode” By Dean Cortez

Does he REALLY like me…or is he just playing games, like he does with ALL his girls?

This is what should be running through her head while you tease and flirt with her. It makes her want to keep playing the game. Whenever she’s with a guy like this, she’ll want to look her best, and act her sexiest, in order to get the confirmation she craves.

The key is to NEVER give her total confirmation.

When a woman is attracted to you, she desperately wants to know if the feeling is mutual! (Remember what I told you earlier, about how men and women judge “success.”) You can work women into a frenzy this way…by NEVER letting the girl know that she’s “won.”

For this reason, you must never tell her how long you’ve wanted to ask her out, admit how attracted you are to her, or tell her how you think the two of you would be “great together.”

If these sound like winning romantic gestures, turn off your television, because you’ve been watching too manyHollywoodmovies. Only in the movies can the dork or the shy guy win over the hottest girl in school in the end because he makes some grand, romantic declaration.

In reality, it’s more likely that she’ll regard this as weakness on your part. (And remember how I said emotional STRENGTH is one of the big keys to attraction.)  Nine times out of ten, your “confession” isn’t going to prompt her to confess her own attraction to you. It will only take you down a notch in her eyes. You are no longer an original; you are just another guy who can’t control his emotions or his libido.

Play it cool and act like nothing fazes you. You’re a train moving full-steam ahead. The choice is hers: she can climb onboard and take an exciting ride, or you can roll without her to the next stop. Either way, you’re an independent guy, doing your own thing.

Another advantage of using the Tactics I teach is that if you use the right conversational techniques and “build the bridge” (as I explain in detail in the “Ultimate Edition” book), it will become clear whether she is interested in you on a sexual level. You won’t be shooting in the dark, worrying that she’ll freak out if you try to touch her.

When you follow the correct progression of steps, escalating from conversation to physical touching, you’ll never have to wonder whether she “likes you as a friend” or whether she’s interested in more. You’ll know how to read her signals, and your Tactics will be gently leading her down the path to “yes”…instead of giving her reasons to say “oh, look at the time…I should be getting home soon.”

Evaporate the physical boundaries between you by making body contact with her. The best times to do so are when you’re both laughing. Reach over and give her a knee a light touch. High-five her and interlace your fingers with her, then disengage. What you’re doing is acclimating her to your touch, so that it becomes something she is comfortable with. This way, later in the night when you hold her hand, kiss her for the first time, or initiate the foreplay that leads to sex, she’s already “warmed up” to your touch.

Guys will often fail to escalate because they don’t want to be seen as too aggressive. (It’s just an excuse, really, for not wanting to risk rejection and they’re not confident that she will agree to the escalation, because they haven’t laid the right groundwork.)

If you’ve laid the groundwork, made her physically comfortable with you, and built up her attraction by framing yourself as a hard-to-get “prize,” she’ll be receptive when you take things to the next level. But it’s on you to lead her there.

I remember one time having a girl sleep over at my house, in my bed, and I didn’t “try anything” because I didn’t want to screw it up. We lay there together and talked for hours, then she drifted off to sleep while I laid next to her all night with a hard-on. I figured there was no hurry, and that if I acted like a gentleman she’d trust me and we’d have sex next time.

Unfortunately, there was no “next time.”  She never called me again. By not escalating with her, she viewed me as a Wuss, and she may have even felt a little bit insulted. She’s an intelligent, sexually experienced adult. She knew what was supposed to follow when she willingly climbed into my bed and laid down next to me. But I failed to lead her down that path.

The key is to BUILD UP to intimacy and sex with a progression of steps. Perhaps the biggest mistake that guys make is trying to seduce women before the groundwork has been laid. You don’t ask a girl out on a date before you’ve spent time chatting with her and getting her interested in you. Likewise, you shouldn’t go for a kiss when you haven’t even laid a finger on her all night. You build up to the first kiss by making contact with her throughout the evening: touching her leg while you tell a story; giving her a brief hand massage; brushing her hair back from her eyes; placing your hand on the small of her back as you guide her through a door…etc.

(The small of her back is actually a GREAT spot to make contact with. It’s an erogenous zone that is dense with nerve endings.)

If there is a mutual attraction, let her be the one to express her feelings to YOU, and when she does, play it even more cool. If she says something that implies she likes you and wants to date you, give a vague response that strings her along.

HER: “So what you do you think…y’know, about you and me?”

YOU:  “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. Let’s just take it slow and see where it goes…no pressure, no expectations.”

(The more you seem like you don’t really give a shit either way, the more DESPERATELY she’ll want you to validate her feelings!)

But don’t give her that validation. Keep her wondering: will she ever be able to have you all for herself, or will you be with another girl tomorrow when she’s waiting for your phone call?

She’ll want to keep earning points with you, to get the confirmation that she desires. In the meantime, you are the one holding the cards.

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Modern Courtship for Mature Men by Dimitri Vorontzov

Dimitri Vorontzov was born in Moscow and spent childhood and adolescence in Siberia. He was educated as a composer, church organist, and orchestra conductor, taught music in college, and learned to fly airplanes with Russian Air Force.

After Dimitri moved to US, he worked several years in a story department of a film production company, and taught advanced motorcycle riding. These days, Dimitri runs a multi-profile corporation and gives private instruction in courtship to selected students.

So what’s the best way to pick up and date a younger woman, when you’re a guy over the age of 40?

Off the top of my head, I’m tempted to dismiss the question. In a sense, it’s like asking, “what’s the best way to drive when you’re over 40?”

This is because I believe that fundamentally, dating younger women does not require a different set of skills once you’re of a certain age. I also believe that the skills of modern pickup and dating are so fundamentally simple that it only takes slightly more effort and practice to activate these skills than it takes to become, say, a grandmaster in the art of brushing one’s teeth.

I am certain that when we are dealing with something as basic as pickup, a man’s age presents a relatively irrelevant contributing factor.

I’m going to address the simplicity of pick-up and dating in a moment. But first, let’s discuss the notion of being an “older man.”

I am strongly against any self-categorizing. Being an “older man” is in most cases a self-assigned label—a useless attempt to define oneself by belonging to a certain group. It’s self-imposed imprisonment. When a man says, “I am this” (“I” = “this”), he negates his ability to change, and he kills his own ability to be spontaneous and grow.

I find this approach to be strategically harmful, as well as false. I know from experience that human beings can, and should, be fluid.

I also know it’s possible for me to describe the best dating tactics for all men over forty. But perhaps that’s not even necessary. What I prefer to do is speak to just one man.

The one who is reading these words now.


I’m not interested in trying to save the entire generation of “older men.” Let’s leave them to their own means. They’ll take care of themselves. (Or they won’t; it’s up to them.)  What we need to do is to create an exception.

I want you to become that exception.

Now I’m going to keep my promise and explain why I find pickup and dating so simple.

During my career as a “hitch,” acting as a wingman to guys in need of dating help, I’ve come to recognize a few simple, obligatory Tasks that a man has to accomplish in order to pick up a woman.

Each Task is accomplished via a corresponding simple and effective Action.

The Task/Action combo forms a Tactic. The sequence of Tactics is the Algorithm. Now, here’s the sample Algorithm for a typical daytime pick-up (Task/Action):

1)      Choose a woman / Observe

2)     Approach / Walk up to her

3)     Engage / “Excuse me

4)     Start the dialog / “I can see you’re reading about interior design. So besides that, what else are you into?”

5)     Gather intel / “I’m hanging out here by myself; what about you?”

6)     Expand the dialog / “Now you’ve made me curious. I want to find out more about you…”

7)     Move locations / “Let’s get some coffee over there, and chat a bit more.”

8)     Touch / Place your arm around her waist to direct her to the coffee shop (or if in a bookstore, the coffee area)

9)     Express interest (“Your sense of humor turns me on”) / Get contact info (“So what’s the best way to get in touch with you?”)

10)  Activate contact info / Call, send a text message, or email her within 30 minutes after you left, if possible.

If every Task is accomplished, a successful pickup has taken place.

Now obviously, every woman is unique; every situation is unique; and women in various situations will display a unique set of reactions.

But I hope you won’t deny that if you don’t request her contact info, you are not likely to see that woman again. That makes requesting her contact info an obligatory Task. And, of course, you have to approach a woman and engage her, if you want her to know that you exist. This makes Approach and Engage other obligatory Tasks…and so on.

(I admit there might be exceptions; for example, she might be a trainer at your gym and you see her regularly anyway; or, she is the one who approaches and engages you. Such situations make the pickup even simpler.)

It’s axiomatic that a man in his forties can say, “I’d like to find out more about you” and “What’s the best way to get in touch with you?” as easily as a man in his early twenties. For the older man, articulating these kinds of words does not present any greater challenge of such magnitude. Let’s have no argument about that. With some aspects of pickup, I believe there are no “advanced techniques.”

From my perspective, there are only two things to remember about body language. There are only four really important techniques for verbal improvisation (and only about a dozen of easy and fun secondary skills). There’s only so much to learn about grooming and style. There’s only one condition you want to be in physically: fit. Age has little to do with any of these things.

I could have also added that mature, experienced, accomplished men tend to have an aura that makes them “walking aphrodisiacs” in the eyes of a great many young, gorgeous women—but this is something you’ve probably figured out already.

But I don’t want to oversimplify the matter, or come across as unrealistically positive by just telling you, “you can do it!” There are indeed some challenges, which we must address.

Working regularly with students in their forties, fifties, and beyond, I’ve learned to recognize a few archetypal mindsets among men who wrongly define themselves by their belonging to a certain age group.

I want you to take a look at the archetypes below, and see if you recognize any of their traits in your own personality and attitude. If you notice anything familiar, I want you to seriously consider how these qualities have been holding you back in your pursuit of women and why it might be a good idea, and a perfect time, to shed this baggage. Click here for more tips.

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