By Dean Cortez
According to Napoleon Hill, the author of classic motivational books such as How To Win Friends and Influence People, we’re pretty much “programmed” by the time we reach the age of 15.
This means as we grow into adulthood, we’re stuck with many of the same beliefs and behaviors that we developed as children. Many of these beliefs and behaviors are negative, and hold us back from achieving our full potential For most people, this “conditioning” remains fixed for the remainder of their lives.
This is especially true in regards to how we view our prospects with women, and how we think women view us. The typical young man develops a whole range of damaging beliefs in these areas. He may come to believe that he’s physically unattractive, or not quite attractive enough to date exceptionally good-looking women.
And so, he goes through life dating and marrying women that he believes are “within his range.” He wouldn’t want to overstep his “boundaries” and go for a gorgeous, intelligent, first-class hottie, because he is programmed to believe it would be impossible. He’d only be setting himself up for humiliation and rejection (or so he tells himself).
Maybe in high school, he wasn’t a member of the “cool crowd.” He worked up the nerve to ask a cute girl to the prom, but she dissed him. This same guy, 20 years later, still considers himself to be “uncool” and is wracked with anxiety at the mere thought of approaching and talking to women.
These beliefs will always remain unless you make a conscious effort to reprogram yourself and shed them. This can be done at any age. It becomes a bit more difficult as we grow older, since we’ve spent so many years trapped in the same patterns and beliefs—but it absolutely can be done.
A large part of becoming successful with younger women is making the effort to transform your beliefs about women, and how they perceive you, because much of what you currently believe is simply not true. And this is probably holding you back more than you realize.
One of the top limiting beliefs among men is that women—especially the really hot ones—are only interested in men with a lot of money.
Now here’s what you need to realize. It’s not the money itself that women are powerfully attracted to. It’s the qualities that highly successful men tend to possess. They are often confident, decisive, independent thinkers. They are talented, passionate and ambitious. Their wealth is a byproduct of these super-attractive qualities.
Money alone will not keep a woman interested over the long-term. If a man has money but does not possess those attractive Alpha Male qualities, women will lose interest in him.
Just look at all of the wealthy men who have thriving careers, but can’t maintain healthy relationships and have suffered through multiple divorces.
I believe that in most of these cases, it’s the woman who loses interest in him, and this brings about the downfall of the relationship.
Over the years, she loses the “sweetness” that he fell in love with, and becomes cold and hostile. She constantly henpecks and nags him. This is a natural response when a woman feels dissatisfied by her partner’s lack of Alpha Male qualities.
Subconsciously, she wishes he would show a backbone and demonstrate the strength that she needs to feel safe and secure. He might be a wizard at making money, but if he’s a “wuss” in the relationship and doesn’t know how to handle her emotional needs, she’s going to get awfully tired of him.
This can be especially true when it comes to younger women. If she’s 25 years old, she’s still sorting out a lot of things in her head. She hasn’t reached your stable position in life. She might be anxious about whether she’s on the right career path. Her friends are getting married and having children; she’s wondering if, and when, she’s going to go down that road.
Now I’m going to explain how to handle the emotional needs of younger women and be the MAN she’ll want to stick with.
Handling Her Emotional Needs
One of the fundamental (and most challenging) differences between the sexes is that men are driven by logic, while women are fueled by emotion. Understanding this, and how to overcome it, will make you much more successful in your quest to date younger women—and to maintain these relationships over the long term.
As men, when we’re confronted with a problem, we seek to create a solution and solve it as quickly as possible. We take large problems and attempt to make them small.
Women, on the other hand, have a tendency to take small problems and blow them up to larger proportions. They react to minor problems by getting emotional, and “turning molehills into mountains.”
If you’re going to date younger women, you’re going to experience this. And you’ve got to know the correct way to deal with it.
When your younger girlfriend gets emotional and dramatic over something that you view as fairly unimportant, you basically have two options:
- Tell her to calm down—she’s being silly and making a big deal over nothing.
- Listen and express empathy (even if you feel she’s totally blowing things out of proportion). Be her emotional “rock” who is calm, steady and non-judgmental.
Trust me: the first option is only going to make things worse, and cause her to lose respect for you. Option #2 is the way to go.
Let’s look at an example. Your girlfriend, who works as a waitress, comes over to your house. You’ve cooked dinner (lasagna, your specialty) and you’re planning a relaxing, romantic evening together.
But when she shows up, she’s in a pissy mood. She starts complaining…
HER: I’m so sick of my goddamn job. Lisa, the other waitress, is such a bitch. She didn’t show up today, so I had to cover her tables. I’m doing the job of two people, and my boss is always giving me a hard time…
YOU: That’s why I keep telling you, you need to find a better job.
HER: I can’t just quit! How am I supposed to pay my bills? How am I supposed to make my car payments?
YOU: You never should have bought that car in the first place. You can’t afford it.
HER: But I love that car!
YOU: I’m just saying, you’ve got to be more responsible with your money –
HER: I don’t need a lecture from you right now!
YOU: And I don’t want to hear you complain about your stupid job! I had a shitty day, too, and I had to race home to cook dinner…
HER: You don’t even care, do you? You can be such an asshole sometimes…
YOU: You’re being ridiculous!
(The argument escalates, and ends with her storming out and slamming the door.)
Now let’s look at how the emotionally strong, mature man deals with the situation:
HER: I’m sick and tired of my job. I had to cover for Lisa again. I’m doing the job of two people, and my boss is always giving me a hard time…
YOU: Sounds like you had a rough day. I’m sorry to hear that, babe.
HER: It was awful. And I had this customer who was so rude…
YOU: Come here, honey. (You hug her, give her a little shoulder massage.) Why don’t you relax on the couch and tell me about it. Dinner’s almost ready; I’ll get you a glass of wine.
(She sits down, has some wine, complains a bit more…and then runs out of steam and starts to relax.)
YOU: Well, I can totally understand why you feel that way. I think my lasagna is going to cheer you up…
HER: Sounds good, hun. So anyway…how was your day?
(…and there you have it. Argument avoided. Her emotional outburst has been defused. Fast-forward two hours and a few more glasses of wine, and they’re having hot sex on the couch.) Click here for more tips on how to date young girls.