Recently, a pal of mine asked for my thoughts on older men dating younger women. And, did I have any specific approaches or pickup lines to use with younger women?
For starters, older men dating younger women is perfectly normal. The funny thing is, most guys think really attractive younger women are “out of their league.”
Well, I’m going to explain to you that it’s not only possible for you to be dating younger women — it’s also easier than you might think. The principal thing to remember is that younger girls actually PREFER to be with older guys.
You can absolutely succeed with dating younger women. I’m stating a simple fact.Over 200 years ago, the US government started recording statistics for the ages of people that were getting married. You may be surprised to hear that each year, the age gap between men and women who get married grows larger.
Basically, the average age difference between husbands and wives continues to get bigger.
Here’s another remarkable statistic: men who tie the knot for a second time are usually doing it with women who are around 10 years younger.
How To Date A Younger Woman
Here’s another thing to consider: in twenty percent of these second marriages, the guy is over twenty years younger than his wife.
{A wife who is 20 years younger?? The horror! The “Femi-Nazis” get livid when they hear this! They’ll say it’s weird! Going against nature!
The irony is, no one seems to disapprove if the guy is rich and famous. Then he is basically expected to marry a much younger spouse.
I mean, no one batted an eye when Donald Trump re-married and got married to some stunning young model. Years later, they still seem exceedingly content with each other.
Another example is the actor Michael Douglas. He is still married to the gorgeous (and much younger) Catherine Zeta-Jones — and in fact, if these unions were just about cash and fame, they would never last. But in a lot of cases, they do.
I could provide many more examples. It’s a very long list. The fact is, it is EXPECTED for successful guys to marry women who are many years younger than they are.
So why, exactly, do older men have such a potent impulse to be with a younger partner? It goes a lot deeper than just wanting a hot young babe. The deeper reasons are rooted in our biology; men are hard-wired to want a woman who is in good physical shape, young and fertile, who has the best chance of bearing his children and carrying on his genetic legacy.
Also, it’s not only about sex and procreation. According to research, it’s been shown that a younger woman can quite literally prolong a man’s life span. In a sense, her youth is “contagious” and will keep her husband active (and not just in the bedroom!)
When all’s said and done, the yearning to desire to be dating younger women is a normal, perfectly healthy desire.
Funny enough, the Love Systems instructor who goes by the name of Sheriff had recently posted some of his thoughts about older men and younger women in the Love Systems lounge.
The Lounge is a free private online community of former boot camp clients and Love Systems instructors. We provide lifetime post-bootcamp support, and it’s also the place where our newest breakthroughs like Inner Game, Social Circle Mastery, and even Relationship Management were first developed.
Here’s Sheriff had to say recently:
I’ve been talking to a lot of younger girls (18-19) at the moment, and actually making a real effort to hang out with people younger than me – most of my good friends are typically a bit older than I am.
I was having a bunch of issues connecting with younger girls, but being the instructor-par-excellence I am, I decided to become an expert on this. Here’s what I’ve learned since I decided to handle this a couple of months ago but bear in mind that of the pool of perhaps 12 girls I’ve cultivated here who are between 18 and 19, all are RICH and used to living a life of luxury where maids, drivers, and beach houses are par for the course.
Young Girls And Their Social Intuition
The first thing I’ve noticed: you need to ground your interest ASAP. Younger girls lack much of the social intuition older girls have. They’re often socially slightly scared of older guys and girls – they’re only recently out of high school where relative age is a BIG DEAL where dating a guy a few years older than you carries a status that in the real world is totally missing.
Get onto normal conversation and commonalities QUICKLY, and qualify a non-sexual interest in that, even if it’s something dumb like where she’s from, OR she’ll be confused by and creeped out by your interest.
The second thing I’ve noticed: younger girls are crap at picking up IOIs (Indicators Of Interest).
And often fail to see when you’re into them unless you make it pretty obvious. So, be explicit with your IOIs and “Why I like You”s.
I was assuming that girls weren’t in to me (doh) and not escalating properly in my social circle. But hadn’t realized that in a number of cases, the girls seriously thought I was out of their league.
While I’ll tease younger girls, I’ll also now make a big effort to be NICE to them no hard-core qualification. Many of them don’t yet have the cynical edge of older girls, and if you’re used to building attraction through effortlessly pushing aside shit-tests, you’re going to be in trouble if there are none forth-coming.
The third thing I’ve noticed: high quality younger girls tend to be heavily idealistic, even if those views seem naive to you.
If a young, rich girl tells you how she’s thinking of going to live in an artist’s commune, rather than cracking up uncontrollably, reward her for that. If she tells you how she thinks it’s stupid, but still think she might be a famous actress one day despite no acting experience to date, doesn’t laugh in her face, and don’t give her shit for it.
Qualify and encourage these. You might be surprised by how much of your qualification work you’re doing just by being an older, successful guy who’s actually taking her seriously.
The fourth thing I’ve noticed: younger and older girls respond well to age-specific qualification.
Favorable comparison to the other end of the age bracket is effective and consistent. Younger girls will always hear about how I enjoy hanging out with younger girls, because they’re less cynical, more willing to express themselves and live in the moment, and because they’re more idealistic and not embittered. Obviously, older women will hear about how much I like women with more life experience, etc.
The fifth thing I’ve noticed has to do with DHVs. (Demonstrations Of Higher Value this bit of “pickup terminology” means you say certain things to imply that you are a man of value and status. Not bragging, but making subtle comments to pique their interest.) I’ve found that DHVs work differently on different age groups.
Older girls get the spiel carefully done, of course about how incredibly hooked up I am, and how successful I am in my various careers, and how mature I am. This was falling flat with younger girls. So, I tried switching to talking about how FUN a lot of the stuff going on was, and switched to physical and state-based attraction.
I’m used to taking risks, but this one I’d rather not…too important and special to lose it at some point. It’s difficult though. Click here for more proven tactics on how to date younger women.
Zan Perrion is an internationally acclaimed writer and professional speaker with a wonderful ability to inform and inspire audiences toward excellence in all aspects of life.
Over the years, his name has become synonymous with a more natural and enlightened form of interaction between men and women… the ars amorata, or “the art of love.”
Zan’s early writings and concepts have heavily influenced today’s international “seduction community.” Frequently featured as a guest and presenter in many parts of the world, he has never varied from his concept of a more “natural” approach to women, dating, and life.
Zan’s seminars and events sell out immediately and have garnered impressive reviews in every city they have been held, including Montreal, Toronto, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, London, Panama, Tokyo, and Cape Town.
Author Neil Strauss devoted an entire chapter to him in his New York Times bestseller The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, calling Zan “…the undisputed heavyweight of the genre… in four years, he never once asked for advice, he only gave it.”
David DeAngelo (of Double Your Dating) has called Zan “an example of a true natural”. Mystery (of VH1’s The Pickup Artist) has proclaimed, “I want to be like Zan!”
Seattle’s Komo TV has called him “The World’s Greatest Seducer”. And in 2007, Zan played himself in the movie Let the Game Begin, starring Adam Rodriguez (of CSI: Miami), Thomas Ian Nicholas, Stephen Baldwin, Michael Madsen, and Lochlyn Munro.
Zan has also been a guest on many radio and television programs, has been featured in numerous newspaper and magazine articles, and is a regular dating advice columnist for both Bobbi and UMM magazines.
In addition, Zan is frequently invited to give lectures at colleges and universities around the world, including UC Berkeley, McGill University, and Queen’s University, among others.
His biggest fans at the end of the day, however, are not men, but women. This is because he subscribes to the notion that all women are beautiful. Every woman he has ever been connected with still consider him a beautiful part of their lives. Click here for the Part 1 of the interview.
Continuation…
Let’s get specific. Would you begin a conversation with a woman in her 20s, the same way you’d approach a woman your own age?
No. The first thing I tell the 25-year-old woman is my age. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I actually learned this from a guy who was 48 years old. He told me, “The first thing I tell a young girl is my age.” Within the first 30 seconds, essentially.
I didn’t believe him. Then I saw him in practice, actually doing it. He’d say, “So what’s your name?” She’d tell him, “Susan,” and then he’d say (playfully) “Y’know, I’m old enough to be your father, Susan, so this is never going to work.”
He’d make a joke like that, within the first minute that he was talking to her. That type of self-deprecating humor can be very confident humor, and it puts it out there. As I said it earlier, when age ceases to be an issue for you, it ceases to be an issue to her. I learned that, and I’ve used it ever since. In my 30s I used to do the same as most guys
skirt around the issue. Now I tell the 23 or 25-year-old, “I’m too told for you, it’ll never work,” in a joking, smiling, winking type of manner. It’s a powerful thing to present, because it shows a lot of confidence.
Are there certain venues you’d suggest to older guys who want to mix it up with younger women?
The guys that are older tend to not want to go to thumping, loud clubs. They’re just not interested in that. They’re not having fun; they don’t want to bounce around in a sweaty tee-shirt. The natural extension of that is they’ll want to gravitate towards more upscale lounges, quieter venues, places like restaurants.
As far as the venues go, I’d never advise a guy interested in younger women to go to the university hangout and act like he’s 21, and bounce around with the rest of them. The guy has to be true to who he is, what he wants to be involved in, and if he goes to environments in which he’s not comfortable, it’s not going to be congruent.
I’ve worked with students who feel awkward in any social situation where they’re hoping to interact with younger women. Talking to younger women at a bookstore, the mall or a coffee shop feels like a stretch to them. Is there a type of environment where these guys can feel more comfortable starting conversations?
Well, if you’re not comfortable going to the mall, or coffee shops, or going to clubs sometimes, interacting with younger women is just not going to happen as often as you’d like it to. If you want to meet younger women, you’ll have to go to where they congregate. That’s just how it works. And so, you have to be prepared for those types of environments.
How do you prepare? Do you have any specific tips such as how a man should dress?
You don’t want to be putting your baseball cap on backwards and wearing baggy pants (laughs). Dress in the manner of a man who has seen adventure in life. That means a way that you’re comfortable with, and still stylish and put together. Get some advice from women on what looks good on you, and try to dress to maximize that.
Don’t try to dress outside of your age maximize the sophistication of your age and convey a bit of an adventurous spirit. You’re a man of experience who has seen things. You’re on an adventure that women will want to go on with you. That’s how you want to come across.
Is it necessary to “tailor” your conversational strategy when you’re talking to a 25-year-old, versus a woman who is substantially older?
That’s a good question, because a lot of the stuff that’s taught today [by seduction coaches] involves memorizing a lot of different stories, and interesting things to say, so that you’re bombarding her and there isn’t any “dead air.” I believe it’s better to come across as a man of purpose and adventure, who is not masking his age, and be massively curious about who this 25 year old woman is. Be curious in a way that is engaging, and comes from your center. It isn’t about you bombarding her with one-sided conversation.
The feeling should be like, “I know who I am, and I’m confident in that now tell me something interesting about you.” That’s the way the conversation, in concept, should flow. It’s a very attractive, powerful way of presenting yourself. You’re not bombarding her with facts and figures about your life, and what you’ve done. That will come across in your presence, your experience in the way you view the world, and the way that you move.
What about when it comes to closing the deal whether it’s getting her phone number, lining up a date, or trying to take her home? Does her age play a role in how you should try to achieve this?
There is a difference between women in their 20s, 30s and 40s. A 20-something is very likely looking for someone she wants to spend the rest of her days with. She’s thinking of the concept of someone that will share parenthood with, a guy she can take home to her parents and say, “this is the love of my life.” A woman in her 40s normally doesn’t have quite the same concept in mind. I’m generalizing here of course, but usually a woman that age has come into her own, so to speak, and she’s looking for someone who isn’t going to be intimidated by her.
And as a man, you need to ask yourself, what do you want, relative to the woman you’re talking to right now or dating? If she’s 23, and he’s 45, what is his desire for the future and what is hers? Marriage, children, the whole nine? There is certainly a difference in the way women view the world at those different ages, and what they want.
Do you see any potential downside to dating a woman much younger than yourself?
I don’t even consider it at all. You can’t really control who you’re attracted to. If you’re attracted to a younger woman in her 20s, it’s because of the qualities she possesses, and what she presents to the world. If you’re sincere and honest about who you are, her age doesn’t matter. You both have opportunities to grow, and that can last forever.
Well, I guess I’m referring to the “land mines” that I’ve occasionally encountered when dating younger women. They can be unpredictable sometimes, emotional, even explosive…
I have a notion that men have a mid-life crisis, and women have a quarter-century crisis. By that I mean, when women reach around 25 years old, they start to examine everything about their future, where they are in life. At 25 they consider the relationship that they’re in, they wonder if they’ve made the right career choice, and they see their friends getting married and they wonder if they want that, or if it’s going to happen.
25 years old is a turbulent time for women, and it can be especially so if they’re in a relationship. If you get together with a woman who’s in her early 30s, and she hasn’t been married before and has no children and I’m speaking generally here again that’s probably a large component of what she’s looking for in her future. Of course, that could be what you’re looking for, as well.
I’ve seen older men who were successful in the early stages with younger women, but once they’re in a relationship, managing the relationship becomes problematic. They resort to being a “sugar daddy” type, using money to hold onto her. What’s your take on this?
There are two ways to have a relationship with a younger woman. You can shower her with all kinds of material things—and for some women, that’s enough to make them stick around. However, will they love you for who you are? We see this model repeated over and over, where the older, wealthy guy has the young beautiful woman on his arm, but it’s not fulfilling or meaningful for either of them. Or, you can be curious about her, on an adventure together.
I talk to men a lot about that the idea of, not just going through life and settling in our careers and everything else we do, but heading out into this world on an adventure, with a definite purpose. Younger women and older women are attracted to that type of energy. It’s a way that has meaning. Age becomes irrelevant when you know who you are, and you don’t apologize for it.
Can you share any stories about men that you’ve coached, who’ve found meaningful relationships and love with younger women?
I’ve had many students from around the world in different seminars, and in various coaching situations, where the men are older and want to date younger women. I’ve had guys who are 55 years old. Every day, around the world, there are guys getting divorced. They may have been married for 10 years, or 20 years.
They might have businesses and everything else in their life handled, but now they’re alone again, and they don’t know how to re-enter the dating world. I have many examples of guys who shifted that one thing where they stopped hiding or masking their age and experience in this world, and started to emphasize it and what they have to contribute. That shift alone changed those guys.
I’ve got testimonials from men all over the world who say, “I tell women my age now without apology not because I’m trying to pretend it’s no big deal, but to put it out there, because it’s a confident thing to do.” It really changes the whole dynamic.
I had a student who is now married: he’s 49 and she’s 24. And he told me, the thing that shifted for him was this whole apologetic, “I’m older so I can’t offer what she wants” attitude. That perspective is completely flawed. We can change it. You can stand up tall on this earth. That mental block that older men have—they need to make friends with it, and start presenting who they are.
Any final words or wisdom for all the men who are ready to get out there and start dating younger women?
If you’re attracted to younger women, don’t apologize for it. Be true to who you are, and everyone will respect that. You’re not trying to manipulate anyone. If you just want a younger woman to show off to your buddies when you walk into a venue, you may want to examine what your motives and purposes are, and whether it’s congruent with what you want in life because you might just be looking for validation.
My big thing is being honest and coming across as a real man who doesn’t apologize for it, which is what too many men are doing in this day and age. You might be attracted to someone in their 20s, 30s, or 40s but I 100% believe that age is irrelevant when you know who you are.
Thanks for your time and insights, Zan. How can our readers find out more about your products and programs—and can they schedule one-on-one time with you?
I do a lot of private coaching, as well as some major weekend “intensives” in different cities of the world. I also travel a lot and speak at universities. My website is www.zanperrion.com and I also have a forum that is devoted to speaking about this new way of interacting, which is at www.naturalgame.com.
For more surefire tips and tactics to land yourself a date with younger women, click here.
Zan Perrion is an internationally acclaimed writer and professional speaker with a wonderful ability to inform and inspire audiences toward excellence in all aspects of life.
Over the years, his name has become synonymous with a more natural and enlightened form of interaction between men and women… the ars amorata, or “the art of love.”
Zan’s early writings and concepts have heavily influenced today’s international “seduction community.” Frequently featured as a guest and presenter in many parts of the world, he has never varied from his concept of a more “natural” approach to women, dating, and life.
Zan’s seminars and events sell out immediately and have garnered impressive reviews in every city they have been held, including Montreal, Toronto, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, London, Panama, Tokyo, and Cape Town.
Author Neil Strauss devoted an entire chapter to him in his New York Times bestseller The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, calling Zan “…the undisputed heavyweight of the genre… in four years, he never once asked for advice, he only gave it.”
David DeAngelo (of Double Your Dating) has called Zan “an example of a true natural”. Mystery (of VH1’s The Pickup Artist) has proclaimed, “I want to be like Zan!”
Seattle’s Komo TV has called him “The World’s Greatest Seducer”. And in 2007, Zan played himself in the movie Let the Game Begin, starring Adam Rodriguez (of CSI: Miami), Thomas Ian Nicholas, Stephen Baldwin, Michael Madsen, and Lochlyn Munro.
Zan has also been a guest on many radio and television programs, has been featured in numerous newspaper and magazine articles, and is a regular dating advice columnist for both Bobbi and UMM magazines.
In addition, Zan is frequently invited to give lectures at colleges and universities around the world, including UC Berkeley, McGill University, and Queen’s University, among others.
His biggest fans at the end of the day, however, are not men, but women. This is because he subscribes to the notion that all women are beautiful. Every woman he has ever been connected with still consider him a beautiful part of their lives.
I’m excited to be speaking with Zan Perrion. I’ve heard a lot about you, Zan, and this should be a really interesting interview…let’s start with your background. How did you first get interested in the social dynamics between men and women, and how did you transform this interest into a business?
I’ve been involved in this for a long time, since the early days. My interest in this subject preceded the “seduction community.” I’ve always been in interested in the dynamics of men and women, and I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to discuss these types of things, to be able to better understand and describe it. I’d been doing this for a long time.
Then the “community” came along, and it was natural for me to carry on with this discussion, but bring it to a wider audience.
Did you feel there was a gap in the information that other coaches or “gurus” were preaching?
I never saw a gap, or tried to fill, or find, a niche. I’ve always been talking about the same type of thing—which is about being true to yourself and having the spirit of a man, one which women find attractive. I’ve never varied from my message. It’s got an audience; I’ve got quite a following of men in this world who respond to that, and my stuff is quite different from everything else that’s out there.
As we both know, a lot of the guys reading these books, and attending the seminars, are out to learn a few lines and routines that will help them get laid. What’s interesting about you is that you take a deeper approach…
My audience tends to be guys who are a little bit older than the students of most of the coaching companies out there. I don’t get a lot of the 19-year-old guys who are trying to pick up chicks, because my message is more about a more meaningful, mature type of interacting.
The first thing I tell a guy who is 45—and I’m 44, so I’m speaking from experience is that for the first time in your “older” life, I want you to stop trying to skirt around your age when you meet women. Because as soon as a man tries to avoid the question of his age with a younger woman, or make a joke about it, or deflect it in some way, it now becomes an issue with her.
Normally, the 45-year-old guy meets a 22-year-old girl, and when she asks his age, he skirts around it or makes a joke—and now in her mind, she’s thinking that he’s not secure about the fact that he’s 45. It now becomes an issue for her, because it’s an issue for you. I tell guys to “clear the air” immediately, because when you do that, and tell her your age, younger women won’t have an issue with it—because it’s obviously not an issue for you.
What do you think are the biggest misconceptions that older guys have, about their ability to attract younger women?
The main misconception guys have is that younger women would never go with them because of their age. But younger women in most parts of the world, including North America, are attracted to older men—if they have a certain way of moving through this world that denotes experience, worldliness, savvy, and adventure.
So how would start coaching the average mature man—let’s say he’s 45 years old—if he wants to start interacting successfully with sexy younger women?
Men need to understand that when you ask younger women about this—let’s say women in their early 20s—they consistently say they are not attracted to men their own age, because they seem to be more mature than those men. Older men need to emphasize the concept that they’ve accumulated a wealth of experience and knowledge about this world.
That’s a very attractive way of presenting yourself. Instead, we try to hide the fact that we’ve traveled to all kinds of places, and done all of these interesting things, the same way we try to hide our age.
We should be doing the opposite talking about the wonders that we’ve experienced to this point. That’s attractive to younger women.
It sounds like it starts with a shift in perspective…
Definitely. You can have the perspective that, “she’s younger than me, and is probably looking for someone her own age, and would never go for me because I’m older” or you can change that perspective.
The correct perspective is an amazing one: that I’ve stood on this earth and seen things that are magnificent. When we can portray that in our lifestyle, and in the way we interact with younger women, they will be absolutely absorbed.
They also love a spirit of adventure. Look at guys like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. These are good-looking, famous guys, but they carry themselves in that worldly way they’ve seen things, they’ve been through things. I know guys who are 50 years old and they’re magnetically attractive because they don’t apologize for who they are, their age, or where they’ve been. Click here for more information on how to date younger girls.
If you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or even beyond, and you want to be with hot younger women, this is for you. By this way, this is also for you if you ever date women who are different from you we’re focused on age differences here, but many of these techniques can be translated for dating across cultures, borders, language, and so on.
Far too many men think that you have to be rich, famous, or have the moves of a professionally-trained Love Systems lead instructor to date young, beautiful women.
This is a MYTH.
It comes from older women or younger men who don’t want the competition. And it comes from some older guys themselves. Sometimes it’s just easier to give up on your goals because they are impossible than it is to pursue them.
In other words, it can be tough knowing that there are guys who are no better than you having the time of their lives and dating young, beautiful women and not just for looks, either.
It’s not politically correct to say this, but as someone who prefers to date younger women myself, I prefer to date women who have less baggage, less cynicism, and more love of life and adventure. Some single older women can come off jaded.
Powerful Dating Techniques
LOVE SYSTEMS TIP #1: Don’t force yourself into her world
About a year ago, I was leading a Love Systems boot camp in New York. Boot camps usually have 8-10 guys (and 3-5 instructors), and one of the students was a recently divorced man in his late 40s I’ll call “Brian.”
Brian didn’t want to settle for the divorcee circuit, full of endless dinner dates with women his age complaining about their ex-husbands. He even told me about one date when the woman told him it annoyed her when her ex-husband wanted sex because “sex is for teenagers.”
Brian wanted to date young, beautiful, fun women, but had mostly given up. He told me his Love Systems boot camp was his “last chance.”
Talk about pressure! Anyway, we weren’t going to let him settle. And some of his problems were obvious. He was going to the 20-something clubs, wearing 20-something clothes, talking in slightly out-of-date TV slang. Women avoided him.
Brian was making the classic mistake that generals and leaders have made throughout history – he was fighting on the enemy’s turf.
Brian’s competition is mostly the young, trendy guys women will see in class or in entry-level jobs every day. And Brian was assuming that he had to beat them at their game be just as young, energetic, cool, and trendy as them.
Look at it this way. If Bill Gates and I wanted the same woman, I’d ask him to pay me off you can be damn sure that I’d change the subject every time “computers” or “having trillions of dollars lying around” came up. I’m not going to fight him on his turf.
The same thing goes for Brian. The women he likes are around young, trendy guys all the time. The road Brian was on, he would at best become a competent imitator, but always inferior to the real thing. So, we flipped the script.
LOVE SYSTEMS TIP #2: Flip the script
We changed Brian’s basic strategy. Instead of talking about MySpace and Tila Tequila or whatever the trend of the moment is, Brian talked about travel, art, and adventure.
Instead of letting him wear clothes too young for him, we put him in a suit. He radiated power and confidence. These are powerful aphrodisiacs, especially in older men.
And instead of trying to order Jaeger shots over blaring music, we took him to lounges and wine bars where his class and sophistication could show through. And where, if anything, the quality of younger women was even higher.
Now we’re fighting on HIS turf. He’s competing based on sophistication, class, power and status. In other words, his strengths.
It doesn’t guarantee success, of course. There’s no point competing on a strength that women don’t care about. And some women ONLY want a guy who fits in at raves and keg parties. Dismiss those.
Most women want a combination of things. So, pick a couple of your strengths and go with those. This is all part of building an identity.
Back to Brian. We go out two nights and have three days of seminar instruction and exercises as part of our comprehensive bootcamp every weekend. On the second night, Brian got three phone numbers, one makeout, and had a smile on his face bigger than any he’d ever had since he was as old as the women he was now confidently approaching.
Here’s part of an email he sent me after the bootcamp:
Savoy, I wanted to thank you guys again for all you did for me last weekend. I truly feel like a changed man. Jessica (the brunette from Saturday) just spent the night, and even though I have nothing planned this weekend, I’m looking forward to the possibilities more than I’ve looked forward to a weekend since high school. I wish I’d known about Love Systems ten years ago.
Of course, flipping the script is easier said than done. That’s why this past April’s volume of the interview series is on Dating Younger Women. It starts off with me and Kisser breaking down the SPECIFIC, actual things you have to do to “flip the script” successfully.
Like we say on the interview, flipping the script doesn’t mean that you should deliberately go out of your way not to have insight into her world. Don’t be a “tired old man” whose interests don’t extend beyond sports, the music you listened to as a kid, and your job.
LOVE SYSTEMS TIP #3: Flip the script, again
Once you’ve flipped the script once, flip it again. Instead of being the older guy chasing younger women, have THEM chase YOU.
This is something all guys should be able to do since it’s such a great technique. It’s especially important for dating younger women.
You’re definitely not going to be the kind of older man whom younger women go nuts for by being “nice” and “sweet” at least at first.
Instead, be the man who has lots of options and who is currently single by CHOICE but she might “tame” you a familiar feeling for many women.
In other words, make HER show that you that she’s classy and sophisticated enough to roll with you. That she can come UP to your level, not that you can go DOWN to hers.
It’s all part of an integrated system your personal game plan to being irresistible to the type of women you want. For more tips on how to date young women, click here.
The opposite of a boring guy is someone who projects energy, self-confidence, enthusiasm, and joy. He conveys optimism. He’s approachable, takes risks, is exciting, and is far from boring.
But we all can fall into the traps of being a boring man. None of us are perfect and a lifetime of being a BNB cannot be cured over night. It takes time. It requires consistently taking risks, checking out new places to meet women, learning about new conversational topics, and basically shaking things up a bit.
If your strategy to get a woman in bed is to bore her into horniness, you may be worse off than we thought. Boredom is the opposite of turned on, and this type of personality will definitely not get you an invite to the next cool party in your town the one where the available younger women are to be found.
Read the list below to get a sense of some of the ways you might be coming across as boring to the younger women you approach, and with the women you already know…
Boring Dudes
You watch a lot of TV, and talk about TV shows incessantly. You constantly talk about only one subject (sports, sex, movies, gossip, etc.). It’s fine to be into one or two topics, but women will start to tune out if that’s all you talk about.
You tell people how tired you are, and that you don’t feel well. You talk too much. People who talk too much get boring after a while.
You’re overly dependent on what others think of you and what you are saying. People who require validation become super predictable and boring.
You never crack a joke, a smile, or joke around. Serious people are seen as stiff and unpleasant to be around.
You tell everyone about your bad points and flaws, as if that’s a way to bond. (It’s one thing to own up to a few character flaws or playfully talk about a vulnerability of yours, such as the fact that you’re hopeless in the kitchen and so you have every take-out menu in town; it’s another thing to dwell on your weaknesses to try to get sympathy.)
You constantly tell women that you’re horny. Hey, we all get horny, but no one cares or wants to hear it. Guys who talk about being horny are usually not the ones getting laid.
You always insist on being the center of attention. People who do this come across as insecure and needy.
You always wait to be asked, and rarely do the asking. You announce to your friends how self-sacrificing you are, and how people in your life are ungrateful and should appreciate you more. No one wants to hang out with a martyr.
You interrupt and spoil other people’s stories because you’ve heard, thought, or said them before. You are paranoid and suspicious of everyone’s motives.
Now, here’s how to STOP being boring…
It takes effort to shake things up, get off your couch, and try new things.
But you’ve got to make a habit of breaking out of the routines that have been sabotaging your success with women. This will make you a more dynamic and attractive person.
Otherwise, boredom becomes a vicious cycle: you feel bored, but you continue along in your same boring routine, and you wind up projecting a boring personality to women.
Step one is to take action immediately, and start taking risks. People who avoid risk at all costs are uninteresting and uninspiring.
So try some new things. Shake up your routine. Open yourself up to new experiences, and to meeting new people. When you do this, you never know what will happen. When you try new things, be it a new bar, a trip to someplace unusual, taking a class on a topic that you know nothing about, or even just going into a bookstore and checking out a topic you don’t know squat about, you open yourself up to learning something new.
You increase the number of topics you can converse with women about, and the possibility of meeting a completely new type of woman whom you’ve never interacted with before. In the process, you’ll break the pattern of being a BNB.
Other ways to take risks:
Talking about unpredictable things, sharing a risky story about your life (such a time you were arrested, or nearly arrested as long as wasn’t for something too serious!), an embarrassing experience, or a freaky dream you had, are all examples of unpredictability in a conversation.
Asking probing questions is another way to shake things up. Passive and wimpy guys never ask any pointed questions to those around them. They passively go through conversations as the “yes” man. Women hate that.
Remember, the jump between conflict and sex is much closer than the jump from boredom to sex! Risking conflict is one of the keys to avoiding the “boring” trap. In your experience, do people respect those who are strong enough to take strong positions?
Do women want to sleep with passive guys who have no opinions at all, and are just wimped out suck-ups? Or do they want the powerful, charismatic guys who present a strong face and come across as comfortable with themselves and their opinions?
Women want the strong, decisive man not the boring, complaining baby. Start taking actions today to shift your attitude and personality in the right direction. For more tips and surefire tactics on how to date young women, click here.
When it comes to the older man/younger woman dating dynamic, there are very powerful motivating factors behind older men seeking out younger mates for sex and relationships, and there are equally compelling reasons why younger women go for these men.
Now here’s another fact that is going to blow the mind of feminists, who foam at the mouth when I tell them I’m not interested in any woman past the age of 30. It’s also why you should never buy into the politically correct assumption that you’re a “dirty old man” for desiring the hotties in their 20s.
Let me talk to you for a moment about the greatest motivator of them all to date younger women, and it cuts to the core of your very existence and survival…
Dating younger women will enable you to live longer.
According to a study conducted by Shripad Tuljapurkar and Cedric Puleston of Stanford University, when men mate with women who are eight or more years younger, it increases the life span of both sexes over time.
In scientific terms, once people can no longer reproduce, they cease to have a biological purpose. We’re put on this planet to procreate. Men are born to spread their seed; women are born to be inseminated and bear children. (That may sound a little crude, but it’s the truth.)
The “wall of death” age for women as evolutionary theorists so cheerfully call it is about 50, when menopause sets in.
Men, however, can reproduce into their late 70s, so long as they have good genes, and good equipment. (If not, a little friend called “Viagra” can assist in the process.)
When an older man mates with a young woman, he is essentially postponing death. He continues to have a purpose on this planet. And his long-life genes which he obviously possesses, if he’s still having sex at this age get passed on to his kids.
“Men who have children at a late age help to make natural selection work to protect human survival, because they are passing on more genes. It’s just the way we’ve evolved as humans,” Puleston says.
Here’s another compelling reason to date younger women. According to Dr. Mark Liponis, author of “UltraLongevity: The Seven-Step Program for a Younger, Healthier You,” young women can give a tremendous boost to their older partners’ immune systems.
“Being close to someone makes your immune systems very alike,” the doctor said. “And an older man’s worn-down, tired immune system will improve simply by being in contact with a younger person who is more energetic and healthier.”
These days, more divorced men are choosing to re-marry with women who are 10 or 20 years younger. This is not just beneficial to the man; women can also gain enormous benefits by marrying older men. Women are biologically programmed the same way they were 10,000 years ago, and what they desire most is security and protection.
Women Seek for A Greater Sense Of Security
Who can offer a woman a greater sense of security: the 25-year-old slacker who’s still trying to figure out his purpose? Or the sophisticated, experienced 45-year-old gentleman who is secure in who he is, and his position in life? (I’m not just referring to financial security; older men are more emotionally secure and stable, which is more important to women than money.)
A great example of a successful older man/younger woman relationship is Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, who married in 2000. There is a twenty-five year age difference between the two Hollywood stars. At the time of their marriage, he was 56; she was 31.
Douglas says that when they first met, he told her point-blank, “I’d like to father your children.” He’s given her two so far. (I would not recommend using this line on women, but hey, it worked for him.)
Zeta-Jones once said, “I do think I’m lucky I met Michael. Not just Michael Douglas the actor and producer with two Oscars on the shelf, but Michael Douglas the love of my life. I really do think it was meant to happen.”
In another interview, Zeta-Jones explained: “Older men come on to me all the time, and I’m really happy about that. I really like them. Older men know more about life and what’s going on. I’m probably the only person on the beach who sees a hard-bodied guy and goes, ‘Oh, put it away, will you?’ Beautiful boys are far too interested in making themselves look beautiful. They don’t want any competition. At the beach, I’m more likely to be attracted to a guy no one else notices, sitting far off, under an umbrella reading a book.”
When asked what impresses her in a man, the Welsh beauty replied, “Words impress me. If a man can speak eloquently and beautifully to me, I just melt on the floor.”
For more tips on how to date younger women, check this article by the famous Ron Louis on “How To Succeed With Women.”
I was hanging out with my buddies at the bar the other night, and they asked for my thoughts on older guys (like us) dating a younger woman. And, did I have any particular approaches or pickup lines to use with younger women?
First of all, you should know that older man dating a younger woman is a totally natural inclination. But when most men reach a certain age, they start thinking that sexy younger women are simply out of their league.
Well the good news is, not only is it possible for you to date younger women — it’s actually easier than you think. The first and most significant thing to bear in mind is that women actually prefer older men.
Over the past 200-plus years, the United States government has been recording statistics for the ages of couples getting married. Every year, the age gap between men and women who get married grows larger.
Every year, the guys get a bit older, and their spouses get a bit younger.
How To Date Hot Younger Women
In fact, when guys tie the knot for the SECOND time, they marry women who are 10 years younger, on average.
Another interesting fact is that 20% of guys who marry for a second time are getting hitched to a woman that is over over two decades younger.
{A wife who is 20 years younger?? Oh no! The “Femi-Nazis” get furious when they hear this! They will declare that it’s not right! Going against nature!
Ironically, no one seems to take offense if the guy is wealthy and famous. Then he is practically expected to marry a much younger wife.
I mean, no one disapproved when Donald Trump re-married and got hitched to some gorgeous young model. A number of years later, they still seem very delighted with each other.
The actor Michael Douglas? (For quite a while now he’s been married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, the gorgeous actress. ‘Nuff said.)
I could go on and on. It’s a very long list. The fact is, it is EXPECTED for successful men to marry babes who are a significant number of years younger than they are.
So why, exactly, do older guys have such a prevailing urge to be with a younger partner? It goes a lot deeper than just wanting a hot young babe. It’s because this is what men are biologically hard-wired to want: a young, sexy, fertile babe who will bear him healthy children.
What’s more, it’s not only about sex and procreation. According to studies, it’s been revealed that a younger partner can quite literally extend a man’s life span. In a sense, her youth is “contagious” and will keep her husband active (and not just in the bedroom!)
When all’s said and done, the desire to desire to be dating younger women is a natural, healthy desire.
If you’d like to make yourself powerfully alluring to younger women, I have a tactic that I want to teach you. It is a method that I use all the time, and I’ve seduced gorgeous younger women right out from under their bad-boy 25 year old boyfriends! Click here for more
Hey, this is seduction expert Dean Cortez. If you would prefer to be meeting and going out with sexy younger babes — and you DON’T want to date sour single mothers, angry feminists, or females who come with a lot of baggage — the significant thing to remember is that younger babes actually PREFER to be with older guys.
(By the way, you can learn exactly how to become the older guy that younger women WANT by going to our How To Date Younger Women site.)
You can certainly date hot younger women. This is the indisputable truth.Over the past 200-plus years, the United States government has been taking statistics for the ages of couples getting married. And every year, there is a wider gap between the ages of men and women who marry each other.
With every passing year, the men get a little older, and their partners get a little younger.
Here’s another interesting statistic: men who get married a second time are typically doing it with women who are around 10 years younger.
Another interesting fact is that 20% of guys who marry for a second time are getting hitched to a woman that is over 20 YEARS YOUNGER.
{A woman who is two decades younger?? The horror! The “Femi-Nazis” get angry when they hear this! They will declare that it’s not right! Perverted!
Yet, no one thinks it’s a big deal if a wealthy and/or famous guy marries a hottie who is way younger than he is.
I mean, no one objected when Donald Trump re-married and got married to some beautiful young model. A number of years later, they still seem extremely content with each other.
What about the actor Michael Douglas? (He’s married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, the beautiful actress. ‘Nuff said.)
How To Date Hot Younger Women
I could give you a ton of other examples. This has been the deal all throughout history. It’s only in modern times that a double-standard has emerged — that it’s fine for a successful older man to be with younger women, but it’s for some reason wrong or inappropriate for the common guy to pursue this option.
Why are older guys driven to be with younger women? Well it actually goes much deeper than him simply wanting a young babe with a firm body. It’s because this is what men are biologically hard-wired to want: a youthful, sexy, fertile babe who will bear him healthy children.
Moreover, it’s not only about sex and procreation. According to studies, it’s been demonstrated that a younger partner can quite literally increase a man’s life span. Her youth is literally contagious and will keep her husband active (and not just in the bedroom!)
The bottom line is, the desire to be dating a younger woman is a natural, healthy impulse.
If you’d like to make yourself powerfully appealing to younger women, I have a tactic that I want to explain to you. This secret trick is based on female psychology and its effects are very powerful. I would just ask you to not share these secrets with too many dudes. This technique, and many others, are found in our free seduction handbook which you can download now at the www.youngerdating.com/home website.
Rather than brag about my “rock star” lifestyle (which I don’t actually live), or offering tons of “how-to” advice on meeting younger women, I want to take a different perspective and share my life with you.
I’m not one of those dating gurus who acts like I’m the best seducer in the world, or perfect with women. I’m not. I’m not one to brag about my conquests or try to get you to believe that when I enter a bar, swarms of young women get on their knees and beg to blow me.
What I can share with you is how I have been able to transform myself into a guy who regularly dates and sleeps with younger women.
If you are familiar with my book How to Succeed with Women, you already know a few things about me. I’m Jewish. I’m chubby, and I live in Wisconsin. I’m not a pretty boy, nor am I an amazing dresser. I’m pretty average looking, and have no intention of lying or manipulating women into bed. That goes against my personal code of ethics.
I just turned 40, and I was a bit nervous and bummed out when that day came. It was the end of my 30s—and I was honestly a bit freaked out and worried that my skills with women might somehow decline, or my confidence would be destroyed.
I’m starting to see some grey hairs, and experiences such as my mother dying a few years ago—and a few friends of mine passing away from heart attacks—have made me contemplate the impermanence of life. And it definitely has me realizing that I am no longer 22 and invincible.
How To Succeed With Younger Women
But let me back up for a second. I’ve had really good success with women for the past 12 years. I actually remember the day I was with David Copeland (my friend who I wrote How to Succeed with Women with), and we were both pissed off and frustrated that we had no game at all with women. We sucked, frankly, and so we set out to try to figure this stuff out.
We did, to a certain extent, and we related our findings in How to Succeed with Women. I began with absolutely no success, and slowly had more and more success. And as I developed more confidence, I slowly began to date hotter and hotter women. And this made me a happier guy all around.
I’ve also found that over the past three years, as I have felt more secure in my life—in my job, my house, my spirituality, and in my life in general—I have ceased to worry about my success with women, or be concerned with women at all. Now, they seem to just “show up” in my life without a lot of effort on my part. I say that not to brag, but because I think that it’s more a reflection of the work I’ve done on myself.
That sounds new-agey and all, but it’s true. And it makes sense. The less focused on women you become, the less you feel lonely, needy, and desperate you are. This is when you become open and relaxed. Women feel that vibe, and want to be around that sort of energy.
I met my current girlfriend, who is 26, at a coffee shop. She was working on her laptop and I asked her what she was writing. Not a mind-blowing or complicated approach at all, I know. But it was a genuine question that I asked, mainly because she looked cute and interesting.
As it turned out, she was a writer for a newspaper. I obviously write, too, and we hit it off. I told her about the books I’d written on dating, and we spoke extensively about How to Succeed with Women. I didn’t try to hide it or deny that part of my life. At first she thought I was lying, until I showed her my website. She thought it was amusing, but interesting. I got her phone number, and we texted each other for a while before meeting again.
Approaching Women The Right Way
My approach with her was to be as real as possible. Not to show off, brag, act overly cocky and funny, overly cute, or overly sexual, but to simply be authentic. I talked with her about a huge variety of topics: music, art, gossip about celebrities, her job, and eventually sex and kink. The underlying thing I noticed in our interactions was that we were both genuinely interested in the other person.
How did I turn this sexy 26 year old into a lover? Our first “date” was drinks at a bar, and just hanging out, talking. The conversation at the bar went well, but nothing physical happened until date #2. On that date, we went to a few bars in one part of town and I walked her home. We made out on her steps for a long time and I went home. On the third date we had sex. A funny detail to the sex was that while we were getting it on, a living room full of 23 year olds were playing videos games on a huge TV in the other room. I could hear the sound of the video game in the background as we had sex.
Before her, I dated a 27-year-old chick who was an engineer. She was at a bar, and I asked her about a piece of jewelry she was wearing that looked really cool. Again, not a complicated or cunning approach. We talked about cool places to travel around the world. We ended up talking about Europe and Asia for at least a half hour. She been in Germany recently, and I had been in Europe leading dating workshops a few months before.
I got her number and we ended up emailing for a while before meeting again. She was really into hiking, and our first bunch of dates involved walking in nature with her dog—and we would make out in the woods.
Meeting And Interacting With Women
Here’s another example of meeting another woman in her 20s. I travel frequently due to my work. Not only do I run dating-related courses and take guys out to bars for “field workshops,” etc., but I also do private coaching and help people publish their books. Last winter I was flying from Chicago to Los Angeles, and luckily I was seated next to a very cool woman in her 20s who was some sort of business consultant. As it turned out, she’s also constantly on the road.
I spotted her when I was in the terminal waiting to board, and I hoped she was going to sit near me so I could talk to her. As fate would have it, she ended up sitting right next to me. She turned out to be super hot, and really smart.
We began talking about normal bullshit—our jobs, our passions, “travel experiences from hell” stories, and then dating. I asked her to recommend some cool places to check out while I was in Los Angeles. Towards the end of the flight, I suggested that we exchange numbers. While I was in LA, we texted a few times, and finally went out for drinks.
I have many stories of meeting younger women in a variety of places—in clothing stores, coffee shops, and lounges. While traveling and running seminars, on airplanes, on the Internet, on the street in Florida, at personal growth seminars, at parties…lots of places.
I think where you meet women is not that important. Given that younger women are everywhere, it is more about believing you can meet them, and having the balls to approach them.
I’m not super attractive, nor am I particularly “cool.” I honestly don’t think I have extraordinary gifts with women, or innate skills. I believe what helps me out is that I don’t worry about women, nor do I feel fear around them.
When I see a woman who looks interesting to me, I’ve conditioned myself to just talk to her, and find out if she is cool or not. I do have strong conversational skills. I read a lot and know about a wide variety of topics, and truly enjoy getting to know women and learning what they’re all about. And I’m very open about who I am. I don’t hide parts of my personality, my past, or my desires. I’m not a boring and predictable guy.
I’ve been working as a dating coach for over a decade (shit, that makes me feel old!), and most of my clients have been 35+. Lots more have been in the 45-55 age range. What I see them doing often is coming across as what I call a BNB (a Boring Nervous Bonehead). They talk about boring shit, they dress boring, they act in predictable ways…and due to anxiety, they come across more creepy than friendly. In my experience, being boring is the number one thing older guys do to kill their chances of ever dating a younger woman. For more tips on how to date younger women, click here.
Here’s another thing to consider: in twenty percent of these second marriages, the guy is over twenty years younger than his wife.
The first thing I’ve noticed: you need to ground your interest ASAP. Younger girls lack much of the social intuition older girls have. They’re often socially slightly scared of older guys and girls – they’re only recently out of high school where relative age is a BIG DEAL where dating a guy a few years older than you carries a status that in the real world is totally missing.
Let’s get specific. Would you begin a conversation with a woman in her 20s, the same way you’d approach a woman your own age? 
Is it necessary to “tailor” your conversational strategy when you’re talking to a 25-year-old, versus a woman who is substantially older? 
I’ve had many students from around the world in different seminars, and in various coaching situations, where the men are older and want to date younger women. I’ve had guys who are 55 years old. Every day, around the world, there are guys getting divorced. They may have been married for 10 years, or 20 years.
I’m excited to be speaking with Zan Perrion. I’ve heard a lot about you, Zan, and this should be a really interesting interview…let’s start with your background. How did you first get interested in the social dynamics between men and women, and how did you transform this interest into a business?
So how would start coaching the average mature man—let’s say he’s 45 years old—if he wants to start interacting successfully with sexy younger women?
You watch a lot of TV, and talk about TV shows incessantly. You constantly talk about only one subject (sports, sex, movies, gossip, etc.). It’s fine to be into one or two topics, but women will start to tune out if that’s all you talk about.
It takes effort to shake things up, get off your couch, and try new things.
In fact, when guys tie the knot for the SECOND time, they marry women who are 10 years younger, on average.
I could give you a ton of other examples. This has been the deal all throughout history. It’s only in modern times that a double-standard has emerged — that it’s fine for a successful older man to be with younger women, but it’s for some reason wrong or inappropriate for the common guy to pursue this option.
