Dimitri Vorontzov was born in Moscow and spent childhood and adolescence in Siberia. He was educated as a composer, church organist, and orchestra conductor, taught music in college, and learned to fly airplanes with Russian Air Force.
After Dimitri moved to US, he worked several years in a story department of a film production company, and taught advanced motorcycle riding. These days, Dimitri runs a multi-profile corporation and gives private instruction in courtship to selected students.
So what’s the best way to pick up and date a younger woman, when you’re a guy over the age of 40?
Off the top of my head, I’m tempted to dismiss the question. In a sense, it’s like asking, “what’s the best way to drive when you’re over 40?”
This is because I believe that fundamentally, dating younger women does not require a different set of skills once you’re of a certain age. I also believe that the skills of modern pickup and dating are so fundamentally simple that it only takes slightly more effort and practice to activate these skills than it takes to become, say, a grandmaster in the art of brushing one’s teeth.
I am certain that when we are dealing with something as basic as pickup, a man’s age presents a relatively irrelevant contributing factor.
I’m going to address the simplicity of pick-up and dating in a moment. But first, let’s discuss the notion of being an “older man.”
I am strongly against any self-categorizing. Being an “older man” is in most cases a self-assigned label—a useless attempt to define oneself by belonging to a certain group. It’s self-imposed imprisonment. When a man says, “I am this” (“I” = “this”), he negates his ability to change, and he kills his own ability to be spontaneous and grow.
I find this approach to be strategically harmful, as well as false. I know from experience that human beings can, and should, be fluid.
I also know it’s possible for me to describe the best dating tactics for all men over forty. But perhaps that’s not even necessary. What I prefer to do is speak to just one man.
The one who is reading these words now.
YOU.
I’m not interested in trying to save the entire generation of “older men.” Let’s leave them to their own means. They’ll take care of themselves. (Or they won’t; it’s up to them.) What we need to do is to create an exception.
I want you to become that exception.
Now I’m going to keep my promise and explain why I find pickup and dating so simple.
During my career as a “hitch,” acting as a wingman to guys in need of dating help, I’ve come to recognize a few simple, obligatory Tasks that a man has to accomplish in order to pick up a woman.
Each Task is accomplished via a corresponding simple and effective Action.
The Task/Action combo forms a Tactic. The sequence of Tactics is the Algorithm. Now, here’s the sample Algorithm for a typical daytime pick-up (Task/Action):
1) Choose a woman / Observe
2) Approach / Walk up to her
3) Engage / “Excuse me
4) Start the dialog / “I can see you’re reading about interior design. So besides that, what else are you into?”
5) Gather intel / “I’m hanging out here by myself; what about you?”
6) Expand the dialog / “Now you’ve made me curious. I want to find out more about you…”
7) Move locations / “Let’s get some coffee over there, and chat a bit more.”
8) Touch / Place your arm around her waist to direct her to the coffee shop (or if in a bookstore, the coffee area)
9) Express interest (“Your sense of humor turns me on”) / Get contact info (“So what’s the best way to get in touch with you?”)
10) Activate contact info / Call, send a text message, or email her within 30 minutes after you left, if possible.
If every Task is accomplished, a successful pickup has taken place.
Now obviously, every woman is unique; every situation is unique; and women in various situations will display a unique set of reactions.
But I hope you won’t deny that if you don’t request her contact info, you are not likely to see that woman again. That makes requesting her contact info an obligatory Task. And, of course, you have to approach a woman and engage her, if you want her to know that you exist. This makes Approach and Engage other obligatory Tasks…and so on.
(I admit there might be exceptions; for example, she might be a trainer at your gym and you see her regularly anyway; or, she is the one who approaches and engages you. Such situations make the pickup even simpler.)
It’s axiomatic that a man in his forties can say, “I’d like to find out more about you” and “What’s the best way to get in touch with you?” as easily as a man in his early twenties. For the older man, articulating these kinds of words does not present any greater challenge of such magnitude. Let’s have no argument about that. With some aspects of pickup, I believe there are no “advanced techniques.”
From my perspective, there are only two things to remember about body language. There are only four really important techniques for verbal improvisation (and only about a dozen of easy and fun secondary skills). There’s only so much to learn about grooming and style. There’s only one condition you want to be in physically: fit. Age has little to do with any of these things.
I could have also added that mature, experienced, accomplished men tend to have an aura that makes them “walking aphrodisiacs” in the eyes of a great many young, gorgeous women—but this is something you’ve probably figured out already.
But I don’t want to oversimplify the matter, or come across as unrealistically positive by just telling you, “you can do it!” There are indeed some challenges, which we must address.
Working regularly with students in their forties, fifties, and beyond, I’ve learned to recognize a few archetypal mindsets among men who wrongly define themselves by their belonging to a certain age group.
I want you to take a look at the archetypes below, and see if you recognize any of their traits in your own personality and attitude. If you notice anything familiar, I want you to seriously consider how these qualities have been holding you back in your pursuit of women and why it might be a good idea, and a perfect time, to shed this baggage. Click here for more tips.
