Why is it that sometimes we can light up a room, while other times members of the opposite sex turn away from us in disinterest?
Could the answer to all of our “consistency issues” be right under our noses?
I’ll tell you the answer, but I’ll have to explain myself first for it to sink in. The difference between really connecting with people and not – the thing that every “natural seducer” is always doing in spades, without even thinking about it – comes down to simply speaking the universal language.
Cliché tells us that love is the universal language; however, this is only partially true and isn’t helpful for people looking for the translation – the Rosetta Stone – so to speak.
I actually have to thank an old smoking habit for helping me stumble upon it. Back in college, I had the pesky habit of bumming cigarettes. In fact, I did it so much that I got really good at it. I even developed my own little method.
Despite having the best method in the world, it became clear that whether or not I got a cigarette really depended on one thing:
You can try it yourself and get front row seats to the effects. First, go up to 10 people, ask them for a cigarette, and avoid eye contact and look indifferent. Next, go up to another 10 people, ask them for a cigarette – only this time look them directly in the eye and act as though you are in intense pain and that they hold the key to your freedom.
Everyone reading this who’s ever been a smoker is with me on this.
When I look into the eyes of a smoker with a look on my face that he or she can fully relate to – that I really need a cigarette – they feel that same pain as they are reminded of their own times of distress. When they feel that pain and can’t help but want to relieve it in another.
Ages before complex systems of naming and describing objects came into human existence, humans beings were communicating. Although the vast majority of us have a firm grasp over at least one of these systems, all of the communication that matters the most happens in the same way as it has for our entire existence of our humanity.
A quick look at an on-line thesaurus gives us over 30 words for “angry,” but if a 300lb man has the look on his face that says he’s pissed, everyone who gets even the quickest look at him is getting out of his way.
We need language to hammer out the fine details of a business contract—but how many people would actually do business with someone they didn’t trust, who didn’t give them the feeling that they had ulterior motives?
With that in mind, here’s how you always get your openers to “stick:”
The phrase, “you can tell a lot about a man by his handshake” has been around for awhile. More recently though, this has been taken to mean that one should attempt to squeeze another person’s hand as firmly as possible, to show how “confident” they are.
When you greet someone, you can tell a lot about them by their handshake, or more specifically, how they greet you in general. The “firmness” of the greeting, however, isn’t how you can tell (even though a firm handshake will often happen as a byproduct).
You can tell this by looking right at the person to see if his eyes are meeting yours and if he has a look of warmth on his face. If you approach a woman, and they look at you and your eyes aren’t meeting hers (theirs) and you don’t have a look of warmth on your face, she will get the same feeling you get when you’re working with a person that you just don’t feel right about, you just don’t trust, and you ultimately decide not to work with.
Let me make two things clear:
If you’re thinking about your “opener” when you approach a woman, or maybe just feeling shy, you will not be looking into her eyes, you will not have a warm expression on your face, and she’ll get that feeling that no human likes to feel.
If you start thinking about what to say during a conversation, or question whether or not she likes you, your eyes will drift, your face will become expressionless, and she will definitely get that feeling.
Plus there’s one more important factor to consider:
Women are much better at feeling this stuff than guys, and herein lies the apparent solution, and also the new problem.
On the one hand – success in communication, in being charismatic or a “natural,” lies in your ability to express emotion vividly on your face, and in turn make others feel that emotion. Without that, we’re merely self-aware computers exchanging information. And the last thing a woman wants when she goes out is to exchange information. She wants to feel.
On the other hand, it’s never quite that simple.
Human beings, especially women, have a keen intuition for when someone has their own self-interests in mind, rather than hers. It’s the same as when you just know that a bad salesman has his commission in mind as he’s talking to you.
