by Eric Disco, Pickup 101 Head Instructor and

There are a thousand things you could say to a woman. But what good are they if you can’t walk up to her and say them? Every guy who wants to improve his lot with women has considered this before. In reality, walking up to a woman and starting a conversation shouldn’t be that difficult but for some men, the thought of doing so can completely paralyze them! Or, they allow their minds to generate all of the reasons why they SHOULDN’T walk up to her and say hello. (She’s probably stuck-up…she must have a boyfriend…I’m not the type of guy she would go for…she’s going to think I’m hitting on her…etc.)

Before ever hearing the word ‘pickup,’ Eric wondered what was keeping him from talking to women. Logically it should have been easy, but physically, it was impossible for him to break through that barrier. Years later, after becoming a head pickup instructor for one of the most respected companies in this industry, he still wrestles with the question: Why are men so afraid to walk up to women and talk to them?

His blog, approachanxiety.com, is one of the most popular blogs on the internet for men who want to learn how to meet women. He’s helped countless guys learn to accept the fear and excitement that goes along with meeting women. Men who once had given up on themselves are now out there approaching, dating and seducing women they never would have interacted with before.

Through his writings, his probing podcasts with dating gurus, and his in-person coaching, Eric Disco has one aim: to help men find their true inner confidence. If you can learn to be comfortable, confident and yourself around women you’ve just met, the rest is easy.

And so, we asked Eric to share his thoughts on approaching and meeting younger women. Here’s what this expert had to say…

It’s an easy mistake.

She’s young.  She’s gorgeous.  She’s fashionable and hip.

She knows all the cool lingo and hangs out with young people.

It seems like the universe revolves around her—and she often acts like it does.

Perhaps she’s sitting there in a cafe, or a bookstore or in a park.  And you wonder what her life must be like.

Wild parties and adventures.

She probably dates rock stars.

And there’s you. You lead a normal life.

“What could I possibly offer her?” you think to yourself.

Perhaps you have money.  But you’re smart enough to know that showering her with lavish gifts only backfires—big time.

Younger women often talk about how they’ll let older men take them out and spend money on them, but they won’t hook up with them.

Perhaps you could show her some comfort.  You have a nice home and drive a nice car.

But all of this seems to pale in comparison to the exciting life she probably leads.

As for me, I love dating younger women.  I also love dating women my age. I even date women older than me.

One of the beautiful things about dating younger women is that it truly shows what dating and relationships are about, and what they aren’t about.

Once you start approaching women a lot, so many things start to fade into the background—things that used to seem relevant.

Am I handsome enough?

Am I rich enough?

Am I too short, too bald, or too fat?

And of course: Am I too old?

If you’ve approached enough women, you know that how you make her feel about you is far less important than how you make her feel about herself.

You know that you aren’t trying to get into her world and show her that you can function in it.  You are letting her discover your world.

You begin to see that everything you have between the two of you is what you have right there in the moment when you are with her.

All that other stuff doesn’t matter.

If you can make her smile and play with her, she’ll play back.

If you can make her feel unique and special, she will always come back for more.

Based on my experience, approaching thousands of women and coaching many guys of all ages, these are the most important aspects an older guy should look at when dating younger women.

Click here for the ultimate tips on how to date younger girls.

 

Why is it that some guys consistently succeed at dating and having sex with younger women, while others simply drool over younger chicks and never succeed? Is it because some older guys are “naturals,” while others are born losers?

No way. While there are naturals out there, I wholly believe that attraction is a set of skills anyone can learn. Some guys may need to work harder than others. Some men face more of an uphill battle, but I believe that succeeding with women involves learning a set of skills, behaviors, and beliefs, which combined add up to success with women of any age. (Having a pair of balls, and knowing how to deal with rejection, are part of this, too.)

That said, if you follow the advice we have set out in this book you will be the type of guy that succeeds with younger women on a consistent basis. For some guys this may take a few months of constant work; for others, it may happen next weekend. Success is inevitable if you work at this in a disciplined and consistent manner.

Skills Needed To Date Young Women

The next logical question is, what specific skills should you work on? It seems that every dating guru has a different approach, a different focus, and a different method. Which one to pick? Who is better? What makes the most sense?

What I’m presenting in this chapter are some of the commonalities in all of the dating gurus we have included in this book. And trust us when we say that we worked hard to find the very best and most successful dating gurus in the world. We interviewed guys from very different backgrounds and with different styles of succeeding with women—yet all of them produce amazing results for themselves and their clients.

I want to stress to you that succeeding with younger women is not rocket science. It is not as difficult as you have been making it out to be. Success with younger women is not as complicated, nor as challenging as you believe it is. To start, you need to be aware that older guys date younger women all the time. Every day and every night, in every city in the world, older guys are succeeding with younger women. These guys are not necessarily more attractive, richer, taller, or cooler than you.

One of the problems with dating “theory” is that it is often difficult to apply to real-life situations. If you’ve been studying books or have attended seminars by the “gurus,” you’ve probably read too much dating theory in your life already.  You need to learn how to put these skills into practice in actual situations.

The next question you may be asking is what you should specifically do, say, and talk about with younger women. From my standpoint, and from coaching tons of older guys out in the field in seminars and coaching programs, there is a typical set of problems they seem to have in common, and gaps in how they approach and talk to younger women. We’re going to cover those myths and stopping points in this chapter, and also explain the major “skill groups” you need to master to greatly increase your game with women.

Success With Younger Women

The key difference between you at this point, and the men who enjoy success with younger women, is that they simply take action and get into the game, and you probably do not. Yes, there are some skills you should learn and new behaviors you’ll need to adapt, but the most important key to scoring with a younger babe is getting the hell out of your house and going out to meet and approach women.

This article will help you develop a solid game plan and an awareness of the skills you’ll need to work on. We want you to master the art of meeting and succeeding with younger women, and enjoy this new attitude and skill set for the rest of your life. (Even if you enter into a committed relationship with one woman, as is the goal for most men, maintaining the right attitude and skills will ensure that her attraction towards you never cools off.) Click here for more surefire tips on how to date young women.

Emotionally guarded people are boring, and success with younger chicks is all about coming across as an interesting guy. So, you need to learn to express yourself around women in a unique manner.

I believe every one of us has a fascinating person inside. You’ve had interesting experiences and have unique ways of viewing the world, but you may have a tendency to “dumb yourself down” around women and fail to communicate your interests and passions.  You may also be masking the “real you” because you figure you ought to play it safe and go with her flow.

A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to “mirror” women, thinking that this will create a connection. If she’s talking about her problems and frustrations, he talks about his. If she’s happy and enthusiastic, he puts on a “happy” front and tries to relate to her on that level. If she talks about her dramatic relationship with her ex-boyfriend, he’ll go on and on about his ex-wife, etc.

It’s when you come across as authentic that women will truly relate to you—and respect your confidence in who you are, and what you bring to the table.

What is authenticity?

• Being real
• Being opinionated
• Risking looking stupid
• Risking rejection
• Being raw
• Being emotional
• Being intense
• Being passionate
• Having a sense of humor

Try Out Lots Of Different Types Of Approaches

As I said earlier, every dating “guru” teaches a slightly different method and has different ideas about how to find and meet women. Just as each woman is different and requires a slightly different approach, each man reading this book is different, too.

For you to feel comfortable and be your best “seductive self,” you’ll need to find ways of approaching and interacting with women that fit your personality and style.

The only way to find your unique voice is to try out all sorts of different approaches, until you find what works for you.

Don’t get stuck in one way of interacting with women that doesn’t feel authentic to you.

I’ve seen older guys trying to act like 20-year-old frat guys and attempting to use ghetto slang and approaches that seem immature and inappropriate.

(They’re failing miserably with women, in case you were wondering.) I’ve also seen older guys use approaches that had them appear too reserved, professorial, and uptight. These men also  failed, big time. You must go out and try different types of approaches,  in a variety of different social situations, to find out how to best succeed with younger women in ways that feel congruent to you.

Convey A Paradoxical Personality

Women love paradoxical guys. Women crave men who are complicated and mysterious, not simple and easy to figure out.

To start, answer these questions: What is it that women would not expect about you? How are you paradoxical?

Every man reading this is paradoxical at some level. You have the ability to portray many different aspects of your personality at one time. You do this by sharing and revealing different points of view that you hold, sharing unique stories, and showing that you, in your own way, are paradoxical.

Show a woman that:

• You are a gentleman and a “bad” boy at the same time.
• You are sexual and trustworthy at the same time.
• You’re ambitious and focused, but also know how to cut loose and party.
• You can be hot and cold: giving her your undivided attention, then being unavailable when she wants to see you or talk to you on the phone.
• You can be both edgy and sweet.
• You can be emotionally available and emotionally turbulent at the same time.
• You can be dramatic and serious, and also silly and playful.
• You’re a funny guy who doesn’t take life too seriously, but you can also talk about deep, introspective topics.

You can accomplish this through telling stories and sharing details of your life that highlight different aspects of your personality especially things about yourself that a woman will not expect.

Be Emotional

We all know that women love, and bond through, emotions. Emotions are like your “artist’s palette” when you’re constructing conversations with women. It is emotional intensity that changes the tone and vibe of a conversation, and by subtly tweaking the emotional content, you can change the mood dramatically.

Learning to speak the language of women means using emotions in your stories, and in your conversations. You need to learn how to include EMOTIONAL CONTENT when asking questions and making statements.

Come up with stories from your life on the following topics:

• A time you felt frustrated or angry.
• A time you were really scared.
• A funny but embarrassing story.
• A story about a time you felt overwhelmed with excitement or joy.

You need to start utilizing emotional content to create a deeper sense of rapport with women. When you do so, they will feel more connected to you. When you don’t, women will feel that the conversation is more platonic and boring.

Hey, it’s Dean again. I’d like to share with you a comment that was posted on the Mack Tactics blog. It came from a guy who had an interesting question about this topic. My reply includes some revealing information about the whole idea of the “mid-life crisis,” which in my opinion, is fiction as far as men are concerned. With women, however, the notion of the “biological clock” is absolutely real.

Dean,

I recently turned 40. This birthday hit me harder than I thought it would. I’ve been reflecting on my life, and I decided to “turn back the clock” and start acting and feeling younger. (Most of my married buddies act like they’re 40 going on 65!)

I went to the salon and had the gray colored out of my hair, I bought a new wardrobe of cool clothes, and I’ve been going to the gym and getting in shape. I see this as self-improvement, but my wife says I’m going through a “midlife crisis.” She’s even suspicious that I might be cheating on her. (I’m not.)

I’ve been with her for 12 years and we’ve got two kids together. I still love her, but to be honest, there’s a part of me that does want to be back out there on the scene, flirting with women and dating. Maybe I just want to prove to myself that I’ve “still got it.”

Is this just a natural phase that guys my age go through, and grow out of?

Ray, New York

I recently read an interesting book called “Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters.” It was written by two evolutionary psychologists.

This brand of psychology believes that people are basically an animal species, and that today we’re still driven by the same animal needs that motivated us 10,000 years ago.

As men, our most powerful impulse is the need to find the right mate (or mates) and produce healthy offspring, in order to ensure our genetic legacy.

Women, meanwhile, are searching for a man with the right qualities to make them feel secure, and to have children with.

A woman might date around or get married in the meantime, but if her husband doesn’t have Alpha Male traits, it won’t be long before she starts checking out other options.

Simply put, a non-Alpha is never going to completely fulfill her core needs. He could be the nicest, sweetest guy in the world. He can give her everything she wants. But if he’s not supplying what she needs qualities such as emotional strength, and the ability to make decisions and lead he’s either going to lose her, or they’re going to wind up stuck in a hostile, unhappy relationship.

Throughout history, the great conquerors, politicians and moguls have usually been driven by the desire to become more sexually attractive to women, which therefore gives them more reproductive options. (Do you actually think most politicians choose that career out of a sincere desire to better the world…or do you think, perhaps, they’re motivated by more primal hungers?)

Men of high status are much more likely to attain “high reproductive success” than men of lowly status. Moulay Ismail the Bloodthirsty, the last Sharifian emperor of Morocco, left more offspring—1,042—than anyone else on record. A more recent example we all know is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the world during his tenure as president, who risked everything for a fling with a 24-year-old intern.

People said Clinton was crazy to do so, but from an evolutionary perspective, what he did was perfectly logical. Asking why a powerful man would cheat on his wife is like asking why a rich man would spend money. They do it because they can.

Midlife Crisis

I don’t condone cheating, and I’m not excusing it, but I understand why it happens. And we’ve all heard about guys going through the dreaded “midlife crisis.” Usually this involves a guy who hits a certain age, and suddenly feels the urge to look and act more youthful. (The cliché is the balding middle-aged guy who goes out and splurges on a new sports car.)

Evolutionary psychologists believe the “midlife crisis” is real, but it happens for reasons you wouldn’t expect. It’s not because the man has reached middle age; it’s because his wife has.

The “crisis” is triggered because his wife is about to enter (or has entered) menopause, meaning she can no longer reproduce. She has hit the “wall of death.” This makes the man feel a subconscious need to attract younger women, in order to have a way to continue producing offspring.

On a conscious level, the middle-aged guy might not have any interest in having more kids. But on a deeper, primal level, he is being driven to pursue this. He’s not thinking to himself, “My wife is getting too old to bear children, so I’d better go out there and find a fertile young babe.” But his subconscious mind is telling him to do so.

Here’s the other interesting thing. According to this theory, a 50-year-old guy married to a 25-year-old woman is not going to experience a midlife crisis. But a 25-year-old guy, married to a 50-year-old woman, will!

So, the crisis really doesn’t have anything with the man reaching a certain age. It’s all about the age of his partner.

Some other interesting points that are raised by the evolutionary psychologists who wrote, “Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters”:

Why do many men consider the “perfect hottie” to be a young woman with long blond hair, large breasts and a slim waist? (And why do so many women color their hair, diet and exercise, and undergo cosmetic surgery to achieve this look?)

The authors say it has nothing to do with the famous sex symbols who have embodied this look over the years. There is a much deeper evolutionary logic.

Long before the creation of television and the movies, in 15^th century Italy, women were dying their hair blond. A recent study conducted in Iran, where access to Western media is limited, showed that women in that country are more concerned with their body image, and have a stronger desire to lose weight, than women in America.

In other words, it’s impossible to blame the media and celebrities like Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, etc. for the fact that blond, slim and busty is generally considered to be the “ultimate” form of beauty.

This has been the most widely admired “look” for centuries, because men are biologically compelled to want to mate with these women.

But why, exactly? First, men prefer younger women because they tend to be healthier and more fertile. Thousands of years ago, nobody maintained birth records or carried ID; in order to know someone’s age, their appearance was all you had to go on.

Hair is one obvious indicator of age. Healthy young women have lustrous, shiny hair; sickly people do not. A woman with long hair has obviously been healthy for a number of years (long enough for her hair to grow to that length).

Likewise, breasts especially large ones are going to sag with age. If a woman’s breasts are large and firm, that’s another clear indicator that she’s still young and healthy. Just by looking at her, a man in ancient times could evaluate her age, health status, and reproductive value.

Men’s Preference For Women

Men also have a preference for women with a low waist-to-hip ratio, because this also indicates that they are healthy and fertile. They’re better able to conceive children because this body type means they have high amounts of the necessary reproductive hormones. Studies have shown that women with large breasts and small waists have the highest levels of estradiol and progesterone, hormones that are necessary to reproduce.

This is why subconsciously; most men are drawn towards women with this “look.” They’re not attracted to young, slim, busty blonds because these women resembles the famous beauties they see on television and in magazines; the reason that we’re attracted to these women, and why women with this look are able to become famous in the first place, lies in our genetic programming and our primal desires.

Furthermore, blond hair tends to change with age, unlike other hair colors. Young girls with light blond hair usually evolve into women with brown hair, which eventually turns gray.

Interestingly, blond hair first evolved in northern Europe and Scandinavia. Evolutionary psychologists believe that this was an evolutionary response to the heavy clothing that women wore in those times, to conceal their bodies; regardless of how they covered up, blond hair was a giveaway that they were young and had reproductive value.

Nowadays, of course, there are various ways for women to alter their looks to fit this model: facelifts, liposuction, breast augmentation, hair coloring, etc. The funny thing is that men fall for it or at least, our subconscious minds do.

You can look at a 40-year-old woman and know she’s had a tit job, various other cosmetic surgeries, and colors her hair (Pamela Anderson comes to mind), but because she’s still got the qualities that imply reproductive value, our “primitive brains” desire her.

Centuries ago, plastic surgery didn’t exist but today, we’re still sizing up women using the same visual cues that our ancestors used, when they were hunting for women to mate with. Fashions change. Music changes. The world moves forward. But our internal hard-wiring will always remain and this not only means that we’re programmed to want younger women, it also means they desire us.

 

Funny enough, the Love Systems instructor who goes by the name of Sheriff had recently posted some of his thoughts about older men and younger women in the Love Systems lounge.

The Lounge is a free private online community of former boot camp clients and Love Systems instructors. We provide lifetime post-bootcamp support, and it’s also the place where our newest breakthroughs like Inner Game, Social Circle Mastery, and even Relationship Management were first developed.

Here’s Sheriff had to say recently:

I’ve been talking to a lot of younger girls (18-19) at the moment, and actually making a real effort to hang out with people younger than me – most of my good friends are typically a bit older than I am.

I was having a bunch of issues connecting with younger girls, but being the instructor-par-excellence I am, I decided to become an expert on this. Here’s what I’ve learned since I decided to handle this a couple of months ago but bear in mind that of the pool of perhaps 12 girls I’ve cultivated here who are between 18 and 19, all are RICH and used to living a life of luxury where maids, drivers, and beach houses are par for the course.

Young Girls And Their Social Intuition

The first thing I’ve noticed: you need to ground your interest ASAP.  Younger girls lack much of the social intuition older girls have. They’re often socially slightly scared of older guys and girls – they’re only recently out of high school where relative age is a BIG DEAL where dating a guy a few years older than you carries a status that in the real world is totally missing.

Get onto normal conversation and commonalities QUICKLY, and qualify a non-sexual interest in that, even if it’s something dumb like where she’s from, OR she’ll be confused by and creeped out by your interest.

The second thing I’ve noticed: younger girls are crap at picking up IOIs (Indicators Of Interest).

And often fail to see when you’re into them unless you make it pretty obvious.  So, be explicit with your IOIs and “Why I like You”s.

I was assuming that girls weren’t in to me (doh) and not escalating properly in my social circle. But hadn’t realized that in a number of cases, the girls seriously thought I was out of their league.

While I’ll tease younger girls, I’ll also now make a big effort to be NICE to them no hard-core qualification.  Many of them don’t yet have the cynical edge of older girls, and if you’re used to building attraction through effortlessly pushing aside shit-tests, you’re going to be in trouble if there are none forth-coming.

The third thing I’ve noticed: high quality younger girls tend to be heavily idealistic, even if those views seem naive to you.

If a young, rich girl tells you how she’s thinking of going to live in an artist’s commune, rather than cracking up uncontrollably, reward her for that.  If she tells you how she thinks it’s stupid, but still think she might be a famous actress one day despite no acting experience to date, doesn’t laugh in her face, and don’t give her shit for it.

Qualify and encourage these.  You might be surprised by how much of your qualification work you’re doing just by being an older, successful guy who’s actually taking her seriously.

The fourth thing I’ve noticed: younger and older girls respond well to age-specific qualification.

Favorable comparison to the other end of the age bracket is effective and consistent.  Younger girls will always hear about how I enjoy hanging out with younger girls, because they’re less cynical, more willing to express themselves and live in the moment, and because they’re more idealistic and not embittered.  Obviously, older women will hear about how much I like women with more life experience, etc.

The fifth thing I’ve noticed has to do with DHVs. (Demonstrations Of Higher Value this bit of “pickup terminology” means you say certain things to imply that you are a man of value and status. Not bragging, but making subtle comments to pique their interest.) I’ve found that  DHVs work differently on different age groups.

Older girls get the spiel carefully done, of course about how incredibly hooked up I am, and how successful I am in my various careers, and how mature I am. This was falling flat with younger girls.  So, I tried switching to talking about how FUN a lot of the stuff going on was, and switched to physical and state-based attraction.

I’m used to taking risks, but this one I’d rather not…too important and special to lose it at some point. It’s difficult though. Click here for more proven tactics on how to date younger women.