Does he REALLY like me…or is he just playing games, like he does with ALL his girls?
This is what should be running through her head while you tease and flirt with her. It makes her want to keep playing the game. Whenever she’s with a guy like this, she’ll want to look her best, and act her sexiest, in order to get the confirmation she craves.
The key is to NEVER give her total confirmation.
When a woman is attracted to you, she desperately wants to know if the feeling is mutual! (Remember what I told you earlier, about how men and women judge “success.”) You can work women into a frenzy this way…by NEVER letting the girl know that she’s “won.”
For this reason, you must never tell her how long you’ve wanted to ask her out, admit how attracted you are to her, or tell her how you think the two of you would be “great together.”
If these sound like winning romantic gestures, turn off your television, because you’ve been watching too manyHollywoodmovies. Only in the movies can the dork or the shy guy win over the hottest girl in school in the end because he makes some grand, romantic declaration.
In reality, it’s more likely that she’ll regard this as weakness on your part. (And remember how I said emotional STRENGTH is one of the big keys to attraction.) Nine times out of ten, your “confession” isn’t going to prompt her to confess her own attraction to you. It will only take you down a notch in her eyes. You are no longer an original; you are just another guy who can’t control his emotions or his libido.
Play it cool and act like nothing fazes you. You’re a train moving full-steam ahead. The choice is hers: she can climb onboard and take an exciting ride, or you can roll without her to the next stop. Either way, you’re an independent guy, doing your own thing.
Another advantage of using the Tactics I teach is that if you use the right conversational techniques and “build the bridge” (as I explain in detail in the “Ultimate Edition” book), it will become clear whether she is interested in you on a sexual level. You won’t be shooting in the dark, worrying that she’ll freak out if you try to touch her.
When you follow the correct progression of steps, escalating from conversation to physical touching, you’ll never have to wonder whether she “likes you as a friend” or whether she’s interested in more. You’ll know how to read her signals, and your Tactics will be gently leading her down the path to “yes”…instead of giving her reasons to say “oh, look at the time…I should be getting home soon.”
Evaporate the physical boundaries between you by making body contact with her. The best times to do so are when you’re both laughing. Reach over and give her a knee a light touch. High-five her and interlace your fingers with her, then disengage. What you’re doing is acclimating her to your touch, so that it becomes something she is comfortable with. This way, later in the night when you hold her hand, kiss her for the first time, or initiate the foreplay that leads to sex, she’s already “warmed up” to your touch.
Guys will often fail to escalate because they don’t want to be seen as too aggressive. (It’s just an excuse, really, for not wanting to risk rejection and they’re not confident that she will agree to the escalation, because they haven’t laid the right groundwork.)
If you’ve laid the groundwork, made her physically comfortable with you, and built up her attraction by framing yourself as a hard-to-get “prize,” she’ll be receptive when you take things to the next level. But it’s on you to lead her there.
I remember one time having a girl sleep over at my house, in my bed, and I didn’t “try anything” because I didn’t want to screw it up. We lay there together and talked for hours, then she drifted off to sleep while I laid next to her all night with a hard-on. I figured there was no hurry, and that if I acted like a gentleman she’d trust me and we’d have sex next time.
Unfortunately, there was no “next time.” She never called me again. By not escalating with her, she viewed me as a Wuss, and she may have even felt a little bit insulted. She’s an intelligent, sexually experienced adult. She knew what was supposed to follow when she willingly climbed into my bed and laid down next to me. But I failed to lead her down that path.
The key is to BUILD UP to intimacy and sex with a progression of steps. Perhaps the biggest mistake that guys make is trying to seduce women before the groundwork has been laid. You don’t ask a girl out on a date before you’ve spent time chatting with her and getting her interested in you. Likewise, you shouldn’t go for a kiss when you haven’t even laid a finger on her all night. You build up to the first kiss by making contact with her throughout the evening: touching her leg while you tell a story; giving her a brief hand massage; brushing her hair back from her eyes; placing your hand on the small of her back as you guide her through a door…etc.
(The small of her back is actually a GREAT spot to make contact with. It’s an erogenous zone that is dense with nerve endings.)
If there is a mutual attraction, let her be the one to express her feelings to YOU, and when she does, play it even more cool. If she says something that implies she likes you and wants to date you, give a vague response that strings her along.
HER: “So what you do you think…y’know, about you and me?”
YOU: “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. Let’s just take it slow and see where it goes…no pressure, no expectations.”
(The more you seem like you don’t really give a shit either way, the more DESPERATELY she’ll want you to validate her feelings!)
But don’t give her that validation. Keep her wondering: will she ever be able to have you all for herself, or will you be with another girl tomorrow when she’s waiting for your phone call?
She’ll want to keep earning points with you, to get the confirmation that she desires. In the meantime, you are the one holding the cards.
