by Eric Disco, Pickup 101 Head Instructor and

There are a thousand things you could say to a woman. But what good are they if you can’t walk up to her and say them? Every guy who wants to improve his lot with women has considered this before. In reality, walking up to a woman and starting a conversation shouldn’t be that difficult but for some men, the thought of doing so can completely paralyze them! Or, they allow their minds to generate all of the reasons why they SHOULDN’T walk up to her and say hello. (She’s probably stuck-up…she must have a boyfriend…I’m not the type of guy she would go for…she’s going to think I’m hitting on her…etc.)

Before ever hearing the word ‘pickup,’ Eric wondered what was keeping him from talking to women. Logically it should have been easy, but physically, it was impossible for him to break through that barrier. Years later, after becoming a head pickup instructor for one of the most respected companies in this industry, he still wrestles with the question: Why are men so afraid to walk up to women and talk to them?

His blog, approachanxiety.com, is one of the most popular blogs on the internet for men who want to learn how to meet women. He’s helped countless guys learn to accept the fear and excitement that goes along with meeting women. Men who once had given up on themselves are now out there approaching, dating and seducing women they never would have interacted with before.

Through his writings, his probing podcasts with dating gurus, and his in-person coaching, Eric Disco has one aim: to help men find their true inner confidence. If you can learn to be comfortable, confident and yourself around women you’ve just met, the rest is easy.

And so, we asked Eric to share his thoughts on approaching and meeting younger women. Here’s what this expert had to say…

It’s an easy mistake.

She’s young.  She’s gorgeous.  She’s fashionable and hip.

She knows all the cool lingo and hangs out with young people.

It seems like the universe revolves around her—and she often acts like it does.

Perhaps she’s sitting there in a cafe, or a bookstore or in a park.  And you wonder what her life must be like.

Wild parties and adventures.

She probably dates rock stars.

And there’s you. You lead a normal life.

“What could I possibly offer her?” you think to yourself.

Perhaps you have money.  But you’re smart enough to know that showering her with lavish gifts only backfires—big time.

Younger women often talk about how they’ll let older men take them out and spend money on them, but they won’t hook up with them.

Perhaps you could show her some comfort.  You have a nice home and drive a nice car.

But all of this seems to pale in comparison to the exciting life she probably leads.

As for me, I love dating younger women.  I also love dating women my age. I even date women older than me.

One of the beautiful things about dating younger women is that it truly shows what dating and relationships are about, and what they aren’t about.

Once you start approaching women a lot, so many things start to fade into the background—things that used to seem relevant.

Am I handsome enough?

Am I rich enough?

Am I too short, too bald, or too fat?

And of course: Am I too old?

If you’ve approached enough women, you know that how you make her feel about you is far less important than how you make her feel about herself.

You know that you aren’t trying to get into her world and show her that you can function in it.  You are letting her discover your world.

You begin to see that everything you have between the two of you is what you have right there in the moment when you are with her.

All that other stuff doesn’t matter.

If you can make her smile and play with her, she’ll play back.

If you can make her feel unique and special, she will always come back for more.

Based on my experience, approaching thousands of women and coaching many guys of all ages, these are the most important aspects an older guy should look at when dating younger women.

Click here for the ultimate tips on how to date younger girls.

 

Why is it that some guys consistently succeed at dating and having sex with younger women, while others simply drool over younger chicks and never succeed? Is it because some older guys are “naturals,” while others are born losers?

No way. While there are naturals out there, I wholly believe that attraction is a set of skills anyone can learn. Some guys may need to work harder than others. Some men face more of an uphill battle, but I believe that succeeding with women involves learning a set of skills, behaviors, and beliefs, which combined add up to success with women of any age. (Having a pair of balls, and knowing how to deal with rejection, are part of this, too.)

That said, if you follow the advice we have set out in this book you will be the type of guy that succeeds with younger women on a consistent basis. For some guys this may take a few months of constant work; for others, it may happen next weekend. Success is inevitable if you work at this in a disciplined and consistent manner.

Skills Needed To Date Young Women

The next logical question is, what specific skills should you work on? It seems that every dating guru has a different approach, a different focus, and a different method. Which one to pick? Who is better? What makes the most sense?

What I’m presenting in this chapter are some of the commonalities in all of the dating gurus we have included in this book. And trust us when we say that we worked hard to find the very best and most successful dating gurus in the world. We interviewed guys from very different backgrounds and with different styles of succeeding with women—yet all of them produce amazing results for themselves and their clients.

I want to stress to you that succeeding with younger women is not rocket science. It is not as difficult as you have been making it out to be. Success with younger women is not as complicated, nor as challenging as you believe it is. To start, you need to be aware that older guys date younger women all the time. Every day and every night, in every city in the world, older guys are succeeding with younger women. These guys are not necessarily more attractive, richer, taller, or cooler than you.

One of the problems with dating “theory” is that it is often difficult to apply to real-life situations. If you’ve been studying books or have attended seminars by the “gurus,” you’ve probably read too much dating theory in your life already.  You need to learn how to put these skills into practice in actual situations.

The next question you may be asking is what you should specifically do, say, and talk about with younger women. From my standpoint, and from coaching tons of older guys out in the field in seminars and coaching programs, there is a typical set of problems they seem to have in common, and gaps in how they approach and talk to younger women. We’re going to cover those myths and stopping points in this chapter, and also explain the major “skill groups” you need to master to greatly increase your game with women.

Success With Younger Women

The key difference between you at this point, and the men who enjoy success with younger women, is that they simply take action and get into the game, and you probably do not. Yes, there are some skills you should learn and new behaviors you’ll need to adapt, but the most important key to scoring with a younger babe is getting the hell out of your house and going out to meet and approach women.

This article will help you develop a solid game plan and an awareness of the skills you’ll need to work on. We want you to master the art of meeting and succeeding with younger women, and enjoy this new attitude and skill set for the rest of your life. (Even if you enter into a committed relationship with one woman, as is the goal for most men, maintaining the right attitude and skills will ensure that her attraction towards you never cools off.) Click here for more surefire tips on how to date young women.

Emotionally guarded people are boring, and success with younger chicks is all about coming across as an interesting guy. So, you need to learn to express yourself around women in a unique manner.

I believe every one of us has a fascinating person inside. You’ve had interesting experiences and have unique ways of viewing the world, but you may have a tendency to “dumb yourself down” around women and fail to communicate your interests and passions.  You may also be masking the “real you” because you figure you ought to play it safe and go with her flow.

A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to “mirror” women, thinking that this will create a connection. If she’s talking about her problems and frustrations, he talks about his. If she’s happy and enthusiastic, he puts on a “happy” front and tries to relate to her on that level. If she talks about her dramatic relationship with her ex-boyfriend, he’ll go on and on about his ex-wife, etc.

It’s when you come across as authentic that women will truly relate to you—and respect your confidence in who you are, and what you bring to the table.

What is authenticity?

• Being real
• Being opinionated
• Risking looking stupid
• Risking rejection
• Being raw
• Being emotional
• Being intense
• Being passionate
• Having a sense of humor

Try Out Lots Of Different Types Of Approaches

As I said earlier, every dating “guru” teaches a slightly different method and has different ideas about how to find and meet women. Just as each woman is different and requires a slightly different approach, each man reading this book is different, too.

For you to feel comfortable and be your best “seductive self,” you’ll need to find ways of approaching and interacting with women that fit your personality and style.

The only way to find your unique voice is to try out all sorts of different approaches, until you find what works for you.

Don’t get stuck in one way of interacting with women that doesn’t feel authentic to you.

I’ve seen older guys trying to act like 20-year-old frat guys and attempting to use ghetto slang and approaches that seem immature and inappropriate.

(They’re failing miserably with women, in case you were wondering.) I’ve also seen older guys use approaches that had them appear too reserved, professorial, and uptight. These men also  failed, big time. You must go out and try different types of approaches,  in a variety of different social situations, to find out how to best succeed with younger women in ways that feel congruent to you.

Convey A Paradoxical Personality

Women love paradoxical guys. Women crave men who are complicated and mysterious, not simple and easy to figure out.

To start, answer these questions: What is it that women would not expect about you? How are you paradoxical?

Every man reading this is paradoxical at some level. You have the ability to portray many different aspects of your personality at one time. You do this by sharing and revealing different points of view that you hold, sharing unique stories, and showing that you, in your own way, are paradoxical.

Show a woman that:

• You are a gentleman and a “bad” boy at the same time.
• You are sexual and trustworthy at the same time.
• You’re ambitious and focused, but also know how to cut loose and party.
• You can be hot and cold: giving her your undivided attention, then being unavailable when she wants to see you or talk to you on the phone.
• You can be both edgy and sweet.
• You can be emotionally available and emotionally turbulent at the same time.
• You can be dramatic and serious, and also silly and playful.
• You’re a funny guy who doesn’t take life too seriously, but you can also talk about deep, introspective topics.

You can accomplish this through telling stories and sharing details of your life that highlight different aspects of your personality especially things about yourself that a woman will not expect.

Be Emotional

We all know that women love, and bond through, emotions. Emotions are like your “artist’s palette” when you’re constructing conversations with women. It is emotional intensity that changes the tone and vibe of a conversation, and by subtly tweaking the emotional content, you can change the mood dramatically.

Learning to speak the language of women means using emotions in your stories, and in your conversations. You need to learn how to include EMOTIONAL CONTENT when asking questions and making statements.

Come up with stories from your life on the following topics:

• A time you felt frustrated or angry.
• A time you were really scared.
• A funny but embarrassing story.
• A story about a time you felt overwhelmed with excitement or joy.

You need to start utilizing emotional content to create a deeper sense of rapport with women. When you do so, they will feel more connected to you. When you don’t, women will feel that the conversation is more platonic and boring.

Hey, it’s Dean again. I’d like to share with you a comment that was posted on the Mack Tactics blog. It came from a guy who had an interesting question about this topic. My reply includes some revealing information about the whole idea of the “mid-life crisis,” which in my opinion, is fiction as far as men are concerned. With women, however, the notion of the “biological clock” is absolutely real.

Dean,

I recently turned 40. This birthday hit me harder than I thought it would. I’ve been reflecting on my life, and I decided to “turn back the clock” and start acting and feeling younger. (Most of my married buddies act like they’re 40 going on 65!)

I went to the salon and had the gray colored out of my hair, I bought a new wardrobe of cool clothes, and I’ve been going to the gym and getting in shape. I see this as self-improvement, but my wife says I’m going through a “midlife crisis.” She’s even suspicious that I might be cheating on her. (I’m not.)

I’ve been with her for 12 years and we’ve got two kids together. I still love her, but to be honest, there’s a part of me that does want to be back out there on the scene, flirting with women and dating. Maybe I just want to prove to myself that I’ve “still got it.”

Is this just a natural phase that guys my age go through, and grow out of?

Ray, New York

I recently read an interesting book called “Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters.” It was written by two evolutionary psychologists.

This brand of psychology believes that people are basically an animal species, and that today we’re still driven by the same animal needs that motivated us 10,000 years ago.

As men, our most powerful impulse is the need to find the right mate (or mates) and produce healthy offspring, in order to ensure our genetic legacy.

Women, meanwhile, are searching for a man with the right qualities to make them feel secure, and to have children with.

A woman might date around or get married in the meantime, but if her husband doesn’t have Alpha Male traits, it won’t be long before she starts checking out other options.

Simply put, a non-Alpha is never going to completely fulfill her core needs. He could be the nicest, sweetest guy in the world. He can give her everything she wants. But if he’s not supplying what she needs qualities such as emotional strength, and the ability to make decisions and lead he’s either going to lose her, or they’re going to wind up stuck in a hostile, unhappy relationship.

Throughout history, the great conquerors, politicians and moguls have usually been driven by the desire to become more sexually attractive to women, which therefore gives them more reproductive options. (Do you actually think most politicians choose that career out of a sincere desire to better the world…or do you think, perhaps, they’re motivated by more primal hungers?)

Men of high status are much more likely to attain “high reproductive success” than men of lowly status. Moulay Ismail the Bloodthirsty, the last Sharifian emperor of Morocco, left more offspring—1,042—than anyone else on record. A more recent example we all know is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the world during his tenure as president, who risked everything for a fling with a 24-year-old intern.

People said Clinton was crazy to do so, but from an evolutionary perspective, what he did was perfectly logical. Asking why a powerful man would cheat on his wife is like asking why a rich man would spend money. They do it because they can.

Midlife Crisis

I don’t condone cheating, and I’m not excusing it, but I understand why it happens. And we’ve all heard about guys going through the dreaded “midlife crisis.” Usually this involves a guy who hits a certain age, and suddenly feels the urge to look and act more youthful. (The cliché is the balding middle-aged guy who goes out and splurges on a new sports car.)

Evolutionary psychologists believe the “midlife crisis” is real, but it happens for reasons you wouldn’t expect. It’s not because the man has reached middle age; it’s because his wife has.

The “crisis” is triggered because his wife is about to enter (or has entered) menopause, meaning she can no longer reproduce. She has hit the “wall of death.” This makes the man feel a subconscious need to attract younger women, in order to have a way to continue producing offspring.

On a conscious level, the middle-aged guy might not have any interest in having more kids. But on a deeper, primal level, he is being driven to pursue this. He’s not thinking to himself, “My wife is getting too old to bear children, so I’d better go out there and find a fertile young babe.” But his subconscious mind is telling him to do so.

Here’s the other interesting thing. According to this theory, a 50-year-old guy married to a 25-year-old woman is not going to experience a midlife crisis. But a 25-year-old guy, married to a 50-year-old woman, will!

So, the crisis really doesn’t have anything with the man reaching a certain age. It’s all about the age of his partner.

Some other interesting points that are raised by the evolutionary psychologists who wrote, “Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters”:

Why do many men consider the “perfect hottie” to be a young woman with long blond hair, large breasts and a slim waist? (And why do so many women color their hair, diet and exercise, and undergo cosmetic surgery to achieve this look?)

The authors say it has nothing to do with the famous sex symbols who have embodied this look over the years. There is a much deeper evolutionary logic.

Long before the creation of television and the movies, in 15^th century Italy, women were dying their hair blond. A recent study conducted in Iran, where access to Western media is limited, showed that women in that country are more concerned with their body image, and have a stronger desire to lose weight, than women in America.

In other words, it’s impossible to blame the media and celebrities like Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, etc. for the fact that blond, slim and busty is generally considered to be the “ultimate” form of beauty.

This has been the most widely admired “look” for centuries, because men are biologically compelled to want to mate with these women.

But why, exactly? First, men prefer younger women because they tend to be healthier and more fertile. Thousands of years ago, nobody maintained birth records or carried ID; in order to know someone’s age, their appearance was all you had to go on.

Hair is one obvious indicator of age. Healthy young women have lustrous, shiny hair; sickly people do not. A woman with long hair has obviously been healthy for a number of years (long enough for her hair to grow to that length).

Likewise, breasts especially large ones are going to sag with age. If a woman’s breasts are large and firm, that’s another clear indicator that she’s still young and healthy. Just by looking at her, a man in ancient times could evaluate her age, health status, and reproductive value.

Men’s Preference For Women

Men also have a preference for women with a low waist-to-hip ratio, because this also indicates that they are healthy and fertile. They’re better able to conceive children because this body type means they have high amounts of the necessary reproductive hormones. Studies have shown that women with large breasts and small waists have the highest levels of estradiol and progesterone, hormones that are necessary to reproduce.

This is why subconsciously; most men are drawn towards women with this “look.” They’re not attracted to young, slim, busty blonds because these women resembles the famous beauties they see on television and in magazines; the reason that we’re attracted to these women, and why women with this look are able to become famous in the first place, lies in our genetic programming and our primal desires.

Furthermore, blond hair tends to change with age, unlike other hair colors. Young girls with light blond hair usually evolve into women with brown hair, which eventually turns gray.

Interestingly, blond hair first evolved in northern Europe and Scandinavia. Evolutionary psychologists believe that this was an evolutionary response to the heavy clothing that women wore in those times, to conceal their bodies; regardless of how they covered up, blond hair was a giveaway that they were young and had reproductive value.

Nowadays, of course, there are various ways for women to alter their looks to fit this model: facelifts, liposuction, breast augmentation, hair coloring, etc. The funny thing is that men fall for it or at least, our subconscious minds do.

You can look at a 40-year-old woman and know she’s had a tit job, various other cosmetic surgeries, and colors her hair (Pamela Anderson comes to mind), but because she’s still got the qualities that imply reproductive value, our “primitive brains” desire her.

Centuries ago, plastic surgery didn’t exist but today, we’re still sizing up women using the same visual cues that our ancestors used, when they were hunting for women to mate with. Fashions change. Music changes. The world moves forward. But our internal hard-wiring will always remain and this not only means that we’re programmed to want younger women, it also means they desire us.

 

Funny enough, the Love Systems instructor who goes by the name of Sheriff had recently posted some of his thoughts about older men and younger women in the Love Systems lounge.

The Lounge is a free private online community of former boot camp clients and Love Systems instructors. We provide lifetime post-bootcamp support, and it’s also the place where our newest breakthroughs like Inner Game, Social Circle Mastery, and even Relationship Management were first developed.

Here’s Sheriff had to say recently:

I’ve been talking to a lot of younger girls (18-19) at the moment, and actually making a real effort to hang out with people younger than me – most of my good friends are typically a bit older than I am.

I was having a bunch of issues connecting with younger girls, but being the instructor-par-excellence I am, I decided to become an expert on this. Here’s what I’ve learned since I decided to handle this a couple of months ago but bear in mind that of the pool of perhaps 12 girls I’ve cultivated here who are between 18 and 19, all are RICH and used to living a life of luxury where maids, drivers, and beach houses are par for the course.

Young Girls And Their Social Intuition

The first thing I’ve noticed: you need to ground your interest ASAP.  Younger girls lack much of the social intuition older girls have. They’re often socially slightly scared of older guys and girls – they’re only recently out of high school where relative age is a BIG DEAL where dating a guy a few years older than you carries a status that in the real world is totally missing.

Get onto normal conversation and commonalities QUICKLY, and qualify a non-sexual interest in that, even if it’s something dumb like where she’s from, OR she’ll be confused by and creeped out by your interest.

The second thing I’ve noticed: younger girls are crap at picking up IOIs (Indicators Of Interest).

And often fail to see when you’re into them unless you make it pretty obvious.  So, be explicit with your IOIs and “Why I like You”s.

I was assuming that girls weren’t in to me (doh) and not escalating properly in my social circle. But hadn’t realized that in a number of cases, the girls seriously thought I was out of their league.

While I’ll tease younger girls, I’ll also now make a big effort to be NICE to them no hard-core qualification.  Many of them don’t yet have the cynical edge of older girls, and if you’re used to building attraction through effortlessly pushing aside shit-tests, you’re going to be in trouble if there are none forth-coming.

The third thing I’ve noticed: high quality younger girls tend to be heavily idealistic, even if those views seem naive to you.

If a young, rich girl tells you how she’s thinking of going to live in an artist’s commune, rather than cracking up uncontrollably, reward her for that.  If she tells you how she thinks it’s stupid, but still think she might be a famous actress one day despite no acting experience to date, doesn’t laugh in her face, and don’t give her shit for it.

Qualify and encourage these.  You might be surprised by how much of your qualification work you’re doing just by being an older, successful guy who’s actually taking her seriously.

The fourth thing I’ve noticed: younger and older girls respond well to age-specific qualification.

Favorable comparison to the other end of the age bracket is effective and consistent.  Younger girls will always hear about how I enjoy hanging out with younger girls, because they’re less cynical, more willing to express themselves and live in the moment, and because they’re more idealistic and not embittered.  Obviously, older women will hear about how much I like women with more life experience, etc.

The fifth thing I’ve noticed has to do with DHVs. (Demonstrations Of Higher Value this bit of “pickup terminology” means you say certain things to imply that you are a man of value and status. Not bragging, but making subtle comments to pique their interest.) I’ve found that  DHVs work differently on different age groups.

Older girls get the spiel carefully done, of course about how incredibly hooked up I am, and how successful I am in my various careers, and how mature I am. This was falling flat with younger girls.  So, I tried switching to talking about how FUN a lot of the stuff going on was, and switched to physical and state-based attraction.

I’m used to taking risks, but this one I’d rather not…too important and special to lose it at some point. It’s difficult though. Click here for more proven tactics on how to date younger women.

 

Zan Perrion is an internationally acclaimed writer and professional speaker with a wonderful ability to inform and inspire audiences toward excellence in all aspects of life.

Over the years, his name has become synonymous with a more natural and enlightened form of interaction between men and women… the ars amorata, or “the art of love.”

Zan’s early writings and concepts have heavily influenced today’s international “seduction community.” Frequently featured as a guest and presenter in many parts of the world, he has never varied from his concept of a more “natural” approach to women, dating, and life.

Zan’s seminars and events sell out immediately and have garnered impressive reviews in every city they have been held, including Montreal, Toronto, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, London, Panama, Tokyo, and Cape Town.

Author Neil Strauss devoted an entire chapter to him in his New York Times bestseller The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, calling Zan “…the undisputed heavyweight of the genre… in four years, he never once asked for advice, he only gave it.”

David DeAngelo (of Double Your Dating) has called Zan “an example of a true natural”. Mystery (of VH1’s The Pickup Artist) has proclaimed, “I want to be like Zan!”

Seattle’s Komo TV has called him “The World’s Greatest Seducer”. And in 2007, Zan played himself in the movie Let the Game Begin, starring Adam Rodriguez (of CSI: Miami), Thomas Ian Nicholas, Stephen Baldwin, Michael Madsen, and Lochlyn Munro.

Zan has also been a guest on many radio and television programs, has been featured in numerous newspaper and magazine articles, and is a regular dating advice columnist for both Bobbi and UMM magazines.

In addition, Zan is frequently invited to give lectures at colleges and universities around the world, including UC Berkeley, McGill University, and Queen’s University, among others.

His biggest fans at the end of the day, however, are not men, but women. This is because he subscribes to the notion that all women are beautiful. Every woman he has ever been connected with still consider him a beautiful part of their lives. Click here for the Part 1 of the interview.

Continuation…

Let’s get specific. Would you begin a conversation with a woman in her 20s, the same way you’d approach a woman your own age?

No. The first thing I tell the 25-year-old woman is my age. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I actually learned this from a guy who was 48 years old. He told me, “The first thing I tell a young girl is my age.” Within the first 30 seconds, essentially.

I didn’t believe him. Then I saw him in practice, actually doing it. He’d say, “So what’s your name?” She’d tell him, “Susan,” and then he’d say (playfully) “Y’know, I’m old enough to be your father, Susan, so this is never going to work.”

He’d make a joke like that, within the first minute that he was talking to her. That type of self-deprecating humor can be very confident humor, and it puts it out there. As I said it earlier, when age ceases to be an issue for you, it ceases to be an issue to her. I learned that, and I’ve used it ever since. In my 30s I used to do the same as most guys

skirt around the issue. Now I tell the 23 or 25-year-old, “I’m too told for you, it’ll never work,” in a joking, smiling, winking type of manner. It’s a powerful thing to present, because it shows a lot of confidence.

Are there certain venues you’d suggest to older guys who want to mix it up with younger women?

The guys that are older tend to not want to go to thumping, loud clubs. They’re just not interested in that. They’re not having fun; they don’t want to bounce around in a sweaty tee-shirt. The natural extension of that is they’ll want to gravitate towards more upscale lounges, quieter venues, places like restaurants.

As far as the venues go, I’d never advise a guy interested in younger women to go to the university hangout and act like he’s 21, and bounce around with the rest of them. The guy has to be true to who he is, what he wants to be involved in, and if he goes to environments in which he’s not comfortable, it’s not going to be congruent.

I’ve worked with students who feel awkward in any social situation where they’re hoping to interact with younger women. Talking to younger women at a bookstore, the mall or a coffee shop feels like a stretch to them. Is there a type of environment where these guys can feel more comfortable starting conversations?

Well, if you’re not comfortable going to the mall, or coffee shops, or going to clubs sometimes, interacting with younger women is just not going to happen as often as you’d like it to. If you want to meet younger women, you’ll have to go to where they congregate. That’s just how it works. And so, you have to be prepared for those types of environments.

How do you prepare? Do you have any specific tips such as how a man should dress?

You don’t want to be putting your baseball cap on backwards and wearing baggy pants (laughs). Dress in the manner of a man who has seen adventure in life. That means a way that you’re comfortable with, and still stylish and put together. Get some advice from women on what looks good on you, and try to dress to maximize that.

Don’t try to dress outside of your age maximize the sophistication of your age and convey a bit of an adventurous spirit. You’re a man of experience who has seen things. You’re on an adventure that women will want to go on with you. That’s how you want to come across.

Is it necessary to “tailor” your conversational strategy when you’re talking to a 25-year-old, versus a woman who is substantially older?

That’s a good question, because a lot of the stuff that’s taught today [by seduction coaches] involves memorizing a lot of different stories, and interesting things to say, so that you’re bombarding her and there isn’t any “dead air.” I believe it’s better to come across as a man of purpose and adventure, who is not masking his age, and be massively curious about who this 25 year old woman is. Be curious in a way that is engaging, and comes from your center. It isn’t about you bombarding her with one-sided conversation.

The feeling should be like, “I know who I am, and I’m confident in that now tell me something interesting about you.” That’s the way the conversation, in concept, should flow. It’s a very attractive, powerful way of presenting yourself. You’re not bombarding her with facts and figures about your life, and what you’ve done. That will come across in your presence, your experience in the way you view the world, and the way that you move.

What about when it comes to closing the deal whether it’s getting her phone number, lining up a date, or trying to take her home? Does her age play a role in how you should try to achieve this?

There is a difference between women in their 20s, 30s and 40s. A 20-something is very likely looking for someone she wants to spend the rest of her days with. She’s thinking of the concept of someone that will share parenthood with, a guy she can take home to her parents and say, “this is the love of my life.” A woman in her 40s normally doesn’t have quite the same concept in mind. I’m generalizing here of course, but usually a woman that age has come into her own, so to speak, and she’s looking for someone who isn’t going to be intimidated by her.

And as a man, you need to ask yourself, what do you want, relative to the woman you’re talking to right now or dating? If she’s 23, and he’s 45, what is his desire for the future and what is hers? Marriage, children, the whole nine? There is certainly a difference in the way women view the world at those different ages, and what they want.

Do you see any potential downside to dating a woman much younger than yourself?

I don’t even consider it at all. You can’t really control who you’re attracted to. If you’re attracted to a younger woman in her 20s, it’s because of the qualities she possesses, and what she presents to the world. If you’re sincere and honest about who you are, her age doesn’t matter. You both have opportunities to grow, and that can last forever.

Well, I guess I’m referring to the “land mines” that I’ve occasionally encountered when dating younger women. They can be unpredictable sometimes, emotional, even explosive…

I have a notion that men have a mid-life crisis, and women have a quarter-century crisis. By that I mean, when women reach around 25 years old, they start to examine everything about their future, where they are in life. At 25 they consider the relationship that they’re in, they wonder if they’ve made the right career choice, and they see their friends getting married and they wonder if they want that, or if it’s going to happen.

25 years old is a turbulent time for women, and it can be especially so if they’re in a relationship. If you get together with a woman who’s in her early 30s, and she hasn’t been married before and has no children and I’m speaking generally here again that’s probably a large component of what she’s looking for in her future. Of course, that could be what you’re looking for, as well.

I’ve seen older men who were successful in the early stages with younger women, but once they’re in a relationship, managing the relationship becomes problematic. They resort to being a “sugar daddy” type, using money to hold onto her. What’s your take on this?

There are two ways to have a relationship with a younger woman. You can shower her with all kinds of material things—and for some women, that’s enough to make them stick around. However, will they love you for who you are? We see this model repeated over and over, where the older, wealthy guy has the young beautiful woman on his arm, but it’s not fulfilling or meaningful for either of them. Or, you can be curious about her, on an adventure together.

I talk to men a lot about that the idea of, not just going through life and settling in our careers and everything else we do, but heading out into this world on an adventure, with a definite purpose. Younger women and older women are attracted to that type of energy. It’s a way that has meaning. Age becomes irrelevant when you know who you are, and you don’t apologize for it.

Can you share any stories about men that you’ve coached, who’ve found meaningful relationships and love with younger women?

I’ve had many students from around the world in different seminars, and in various coaching situations, where the men are older and want to date younger women. I’ve had guys who are 55 years old. Every day, around the world, there are guys getting divorced. They may have been married for 10 years, or 20 years.

They might have businesses and everything else in their life handled, but now they’re alone again, and they don’t know how to re-enter the dating world. I have many examples of guys who shifted that one thing where they stopped hiding or masking their age and experience in this world, and started to emphasize it and what they have to contribute. That shift alone changed those guys.

I’ve got testimonials from men all over the world who say, “I tell women my age now without apology not because I’m trying to pretend it’s no big deal, but to put it out there, because it’s a confident thing to do.” It really changes the whole dynamic.

I had a student who is now married: he’s 49 and she’s 24. And he told me, the thing that shifted for him was this whole apologetic, “I’m older so I can’t offer what she wants” attitude. That perspective is completely flawed. We can change it. You can stand up tall on this earth. That mental block that older men have—they need to make friends with it, and start presenting who they are.

Any final words or wisdom for all the men who are ready to get out there and start dating younger women?

If you’re attracted to younger women, don’t apologize for it. Be true to who you are, and everyone will respect that. You’re not trying to manipulate anyone. If you just want a younger woman to show off to your buddies when you walk into a venue, you may want to examine what your motives and purposes are, and whether it’s congruent with what you want in life because you might just be looking for validation.

My big thing is being honest and coming across as a real man who doesn’t apologize for it, which is what too many men are doing in this day and age. You might be attracted to someone in their 20s, 30s, or 40s but I 100% believe that age is irrelevant when you know who you are.

Thanks for your time and insights, Zan. How can our readers find out more about your products and programs—and can they schedule one-on-one time with you?

I do a lot of private coaching, as well as some major weekend “intensives” in different cities of the world. I also travel a lot and speak at universities. My website is www.zanperrion.com and I also have a forum that is devoted to speaking about this new way of interacting, which is at www.naturalgame.com.

For more surefire tips and tactics to land yourself a date with younger women, click here.

 

Zan Perrion is an internationally acclaimed writer and professional speaker with a wonderful ability to inform and inspire audiences toward excellence in all aspects of life.

Over the years, his name has become synonymous with a more natural and enlightened form of interaction between men and women… the ars amorata, or “the art of love.”

Zan’s early writings and concepts have heavily influenced today’s international “seduction community.” Frequently featured as a guest and presenter in many parts of the world, he has never varied from his concept of a more “natural” approach to women, dating, and life.

Zan’s seminars and events sell out immediately and have garnered impressive reviews in every city they have been held, including Montreal, Toronto, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, London, Panama, Tokyo, and Cape Town.

Author Neil Strauss devoted an entire chapter to him in his New York Times bestseller The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, calling Zan “…the undisputed heavyweight of the genre… in four years, he never once asked for advice, he only gave it.”

David DeAngelo (of Double Your Dating) has called Zan “an example of a true natural”. Mystery (of VH1’s The Pickup Artist) has proclaimed, “I want to be like Zan!”

Seattle’s Komo TV has called him “The World’s Greatest Seducer”. And in 2007, Zan played himself in the movie Let the Game Begin, starring Adam Rodriguez (of CSI: Miami), Thomas Ian Nicholas, Stephen Baldwin, Michael Madsen, and Lochlyn Munro.

Zan has also been a guest on many radio and television programs, has been featured in numerous newspaper and magazine articles, and is a regular dating advice columnist for both Bobbi and UMM magazines.

In addition, Zan is frequently invited to give lectures at colleges and universities around the world, including UC Berkeley, McGill University, and Queen’s University, among others.

His biggest fans at the end of the day, however, are not men, but women. This is because he subscribes to the notion that all women are beautiful. Every woman he has ever been connected with still consider him a beautiful part of their lives.

I’m excited to be speaking with Zan Perrion. I’ve heard a lot about you, Zan, and this should be a really interesting interview…let’s start with your background. How did you first get interested in the social dynamics between men and women, and how did you transform this interest into a business?

I’ve been involved in this for a long time, since the early days. My interest in this subject preceded the “seduction community.” I’ve always been in interested in the dynamics of men and women, and I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to discuss these types of things, to be able to better understand and describe it. I’d been doing this for a long time.

 

Then the “community” came along, and it was natural for me to carry on with this discussion, but bring it to a wider audience.

Did you feel there was a gap in the information that other coaches or “gurus” were preaching?

I never saw a gap, or tried to fill, or find, a niche. I’ve always been talking about the same type of thing—which is about being true to yourself and having the spirit of a man, one which women find attractive. I’ve never varied from my message. It’s got an audience; I’ve got quite a following of men in this world who respond to that, and my stuff is quite different from everything else that’s out there.

As we both know, a lot of the guys reading these books, and attending the seminars, are out to learn a few lines and routines that will help them get laid. What’s interesting about you is that you take a deeper approach…

My audience tends to be guys who are a little bit older than the students of most of the coaching companies out there. I don’t get a lot of the 19-year-old guys who are trying to pick up chicks, because my message is more about a more meaningful, mature type of interacting.

The first thing I tell a guy who is 45—and I’m 44, so I’m speaking from experience is that for the first time in your “older” life, I want you to stop trying to skirt around your age when you meet women. Because as soon as a man tries to avoid the question of his age with a younger woman, or make a joke about it, or deflect it in some way, it now becomes an issue with her.

Normally, the 45-year-old guy meets a 22-year-old girl, and when she asks his age, he skirts around it or makes a joke—and now in her mind, she’s thinking that he’s not secure about the fact that he’s 45. It now becomes an issue for her, because it’s an issue for you. I tell guys to “clear the air” immediately, because when you do that, and tell her your age, younger women won’t have an issue with it—because it’s obviously not an issue for you.

What do you think are the biggest misconceptions that older guys have, about their ability to attract younger women?

The main misconception guys have is that younger women would never go with them because of their age. But younger women in most parts of the world, including North America, are attracted to older men—if they have a certain way of moving through this world that denotes experience, worldliness, savvy, and adventure.

So how would start coaching the average mature man—let’s say he’s 45 years old—if he wants to start interacting successfully with sexy younger women?

Men need to understand that when you ask younger women about this—let’s say women in their early 20s—they consistently say they are not attracted to men their own age, because they seem to be more mature than those men. Older men need to emphasize the concept that they’ve accumulated a wealth of experience and knowledge about this world.

That’s a very attractive way of presenting yourself. Instead, we try to hide the fact that we’ve traveled to all kinds of places, and done all of these interesting things, the same way we try to hide our age.

We should be doing the opposite talking about the wonders that we’ve experienced to this point. That’s attractive to younger women.

It sounds like it starts with a shift in perspective…

Definitely. You can have the perspective that, “she’s younger than me, and is probably looking for someone her own age, and would never go for me because I’m older” or you can change that perspective.

The correct perspective is an amazing one: that I’ve stood on this earth and seen things that are magnificent. When we can portray that in our lifestyle, and in the way we interact with younger women, they will be absolutely absorbed.

They also love a spirit of adventure. Look at guys like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. These are good-looking, famous guys, but they carry themselves in that worldly way they’ve seen things, they’ve been through things. I know guys who are 50 years old and they’re magnetically attractive because they don’t apologize for who they are, their age, or where they’ve been. Click here for more information on how to date younger girls.

If you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or even beyond, and you want to be with hot younger women, this is for you. By this way, this is also for you if you ever date women who are different from you we’re focused on age differences here, but many of these techniques can be translated for dating across cultures, borders, language, and so on.

Far too many men think that you have to be rich, famous, or have the moves of a professionally-trained Love Systems lead instructor to date young, beautiful women.

This is a MYTH.

It comes from older women or younger men who don’t want the competition.  And it comes from some older guys themselves.  Sometimes it’s just easier to give up on your goals because they are impossible than it is to pursue them.

In other words, it can be tough knowing that there are guys who are no better than you having the time of their lives and dating young, beautiful women and not just for looks, either.

It’s not politically correct to say this, but as someone who prefers to date younger women myself, I prefer to date women who have less baggage, less cynicism, and more love of life and adventure.  Some single older women can come off jaded.

Powerful Dating Techniques

LOVE SYSTEMS TIP #1: Don’t force yourself into her world

About a year ago, I was leading a Love Systems boot camp in New York.  Boot camps usually have 8-10 guys (and 3-5 instructors), and one of the students was a recently divorced man in his late 40s I’ll call “Brian.”

Brian didn’t want to settle for the divorcee circuit, full of endless dinner dates with women his age complaining about their ex-husbands.  He even told me about one date when the woman told him it annoyed her when her ex-husband wanted sex because “sex is for teenagers.”

Brian wanted to date young, beautiful, fun women, but had mostly given up.  He told me his Love Systems boot camp was his “last chance.”

Talk about pressure!  Anyway, we weren’t going to let him settle.  And some of his problems were obvious.  He was going to the 20-something clubs, wearing 20-something clothes, talking in slightly out-of-date TV slang.  Women avoided him.

Brian was making the classic mistake that generals and leaders have made throughout history – he was fighting on the enemy’s turf.

Brian’s competition is mostly the young, trendy guys women will see in class or in entry-level jobs every day.  And Brian was assuming that he had to beat them at their game be just as young, energetic, cool, and trendy as them.

Look at it this way.  If Bill Gates and I wanted the same woman, I’d ask him to pay me off you can be damn sure that I’d change the subject every time “computers” or “having trillions of dollars lying around” came up.  I’m not going to fight him on his turf.

The same thing goes for Brian.  The women he likes are around young, trendy guys all the time.  The road Brian was on, he would at best become a competent imitator, but always inferior to the real thing.  So, we flipped the script.

LOVE SYSTEMS TIP #2: Flip the script

We changed Brian’s basic strategy.  Instead of talking about MySpace and Tila Tequila or whatever the trend of the moment is, Brian talked about travel, art, and adventure.

Instead of letting him wear clothes too young for him, we put him in a suit.  He radiated power and confidence.  These are powerful aphrodisiacs, especially in older men.

And instead of trying to order Jaeger shots over blaring music, we took him to lounges and wine bars where his class and sophistication could show through. And where, if anything, the quality of younger women was even higher.

Now we’re fighting on HIS turf.  He’s competing based on sophistication, class, power and status.  In other words, his strengths.

It doesn’t guarantee success, of course.  There’s no point competing on a strength that women don’t care about.  And some women ONLY want a guy who fits in at raves and keg parties.  Dismiss those.

Most women want a combination of things.  So, pick a couple of your strengths and go with those.  This is all part of building an identity.

Back to Brian.  We go out two nights and have three days of seminar instruction and exercises as part of our comprehensive bootcamp every weekend.  On the second night, Brian got three phone numbers, one makeout, and had a smile on his face bigger than any he’d ever had since he was as old as the women he was now confidently approaching.

Here’s part of an email he sent me after the bootcamp:

Savoy, I wanted to thank you guys again for all you did for me last weekend.  I truly feel like a changed man.  Jessica (the brunette from Saturday) just spent the night, and even though I have nothing planned this weekend, I’m looking forward to the possibilities more than I’ve looked forward to a weekend since high school.  I wish I’d known about Love Systems ten years ago.

Of course, flipping the script is easier said than done.  That’s why this past April’s volume of the interview series is on Dating Younger Women. It starts off with me and Kisser breaking down the SPECIFIC, actual things you have to do to “flip the script” successfully.

Like we say on the interview, flipping the script doesn’t mean that you should deliberately go out of your way not to have insight into her world.  Don’t be a “tired old man” whose interests don’t extend beyond sports, the music you listened to as a kid, and your job.

LOVE SYSTEMS TIP #3: Flip the script, again

Once you’ve flipped the script once, flip it again.  Instead of being the older guy chasing younger women, have THEM chase YOU.

This is something all guys should be able to do since it’s such a great technique.  It’s especially important for dating younger women.

You’re definitely not going to be the kind of older man whom younger women go nuts for by being “nice” and “sweet” at least at first.

Instead, be the man who has lots of options and who is currently single by CHOICE but she might “tame” you a familiar feeling for many women.

In other words, make HER show that you that she’s classy and sophisticated enough to roll with you.  That she can come UP to your level, not that you can go DOWN to hers.

It’s all part of an integrated system your personal game plan to being irresistible to the type of women you want. For more tips on how to date young women, click here.

 

The opposite of a boring guy is someone who projects energy, self-confidence, enthusiasm, and joy. He conveys optimism. He’s approachable, takes risks, is exciting, and is far from boring.

But we all can fall into the traps of being a boring man. None of us are perfect and a lifetime of being a BNB cannot be cured over night. It takes time. It requires consistently taking risks, checking out new places to meet women, learning about new conversational topics, and basically shaking things up a bit.

If your strategy to get a woman in bed is to bore her into horniness, you may be worse off than we thought. Boredom is the opposite of turned on, and this type of personality will definitely not get you an invite to the next cool party in your town the one where the available younger women are to be found.

Read the list below to get a sense of some of the ways you might be coming across as boring to the younger women you approach, and with the women you already know…

Boring Dudes

You watch a lot of TV, and talk about TV shows incessantly. You constantly talk about only one subject (sports, sex, movies, gossip, etc.). It’s fine to be into one or two topics, but women will start to tune out if that’s all you talk about.

You tell people how tired you are, and that you don’t feel well. You talk too much. People who talk too much get boring after a while.

You’re overly dependent on what others think of you and what you are saying. People who require validation become super predictable and boring.

You never crack a joke, a smile, or joke around. Serious people are seen as stiff and unpleasant to be around.

You tell everyone about your bad points and flaws, as if that’s a way to bond. (It’s one thing to own up to a few character flaws or playfully talk about a vulnerability of yours, such as the fact that you’re hopeless in the kitchen and so you have every take-out menu in town; it’s another thing to dwell on your weaknesses to try to get sympathy.)

You constantly tell women that you’re horny. Hey, we all get horny, but no one cares or wants to hear it. Guys who talk about being horny are usually not the ones getting laid.

You always insist on being the center of attention. People who do this come across as insecure and needy.

You always wait to be asked, and rarely do the asking.  You announce to your friends how self-sacrificing you are, and how people in your life are ungrateful and should appreciate you more.  No one wants to hang out with a martyr.

You interrupt and spoil other people’s stories because you’ve heard, thought, or said them before.  You are paranoid and suspicious of everyone’s motives.

Now, here’s how to STOP being boring…

It takes effort to shake things up, get off your couch, and try new things.

But you’ve got to make a habit of breaking out of the routines that have been sabotaging your success with women. This will make you a more dynamic and attractive person.

Otherwise, boredom becomes a vicious cycle: you feel bored, but you continue along in your same boring routine, and you wind up projecting a boring personality to women.

Step one is to take action immediately, and start taking risks. People who avoid risk at all costs are uninteresting and uninspiring.

So try some new things. Shake up your routine. Open yourself up to new experiences, and to meeting new people. When you do this, you never know what will happen. When you try new things, be it a new bar, a trip to someplace unusual, taking a class on a topic that you know nothing about, or even just going into a bookstore and checking out a topic you don’t know squat about, you open yourself up to learning something new.

You increase the number of topics you can converse with women about, and the possibility of meeting a completely new type of woman whom you’ve never interacted with before. In the process, you’ll break the pattern of being a BNB.

Other ways to take risks:

Talking about unpredictable things, sharing a risky story about your life (such a time you were arrested, or nearly arrested as long as wasn’t for something too serious!), an embarrassing experience, or a freaky dream you had, are all examples of unpredictability in a conversation.

Asking probing questions is another way to shake things up. Passive and wimpy guys never ask any pointed questions to those around them. They passively go through conversations as the “yes” man. Women hate that.

Remember, the jump between conflict and sex is much closer than the jump from boredom to sex! Risking conflict is one of the keys to avoiding the “boring” trap. In your experience, do people respect those who are strong enough to take strong positions?

Do women want to sleep with passive guys who have no opinions at all, and are just wimped out suck-ups? Or do they want the powerful, charismatic guys who present a strong face and come across as comfortable with themselves and their opinions?

Women want the strong, decisive man not the boring, complaining baby. Start taking actions today to shift your attitude and personality in the right direction. For more tips and surefire tactics on how to date young women, click here.