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Controlling Her Reality By Dean Cortez

You might think that beautiful younger women, who are used to always getting their way, want a man they can control a guy who won’t question her, and will generally treat her like a princess.

But actually, deep-down, women don’t like guys who give them anything they want, and bend over backwards to please them. Women do not feel comfortable in relationships with these types of guys, because they need to feel that they’re with a guy who possesses emotional strength.

What a woman yearns for is a guy who is in firm control of himself, his world, and his relationships. She gets turned on by a guy who isn’t afraid to verbally “spank” her when she gets out of line. A guy who isn’t timid or tentative, who says what’s on his mind and gives her direction.

When you kiss a woman’s ass to get her to stay with you, she is more likely to leave. When a woman starts whining about some trivial problem and you act all concerned and sympathetic, she only gets more dramatic and hysterical.

The confident older man can’t be bothered with that nonsense. And women will feel reassured when you demonstrate that you’re a calm, cool decision maker who doesn’t get drawn into silly, emotional arguments.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about…

HER: “I hate that bitch Lisa at my job. She’s such a back-stabber, she’s been spreading rumors again…” (Blah, blah…)

(You listen patiently for a few minutes. Nod your head sympathetically and caress her hand. Let her vent, and run out of gas…and then step in and lay out the solution.)

YOU: “Look. Tomorrow you’re going to take Lisa aside, and you’re going to calmly explain to her that it’s important to keep things on a professional level at your work, and neither of you have time to engage in petty gossip. As for right now, let’s grab another drink and I want to tell you about this really funny experience I had yesterday.” (Steer her onto a light, pleasant topic.)Another point to remember, as you keep the idea of control in mind…

Confident Older Men Don’t “Court” Women. They Seduce Them In Environments They Control.

When you take women out on “traditional dates,” you’re playing the game on their terms. Forget about spending a bunch of cash on taking her to dinner and movie. (These days, you practically need a bank loan to buy popcorn, candy and sodas for two people.)

Instead, invite her to have drinks at a cool, off-the-radar spot which you can introduce her to. (In my “Ultimate Edition” book at Mack Tactics, I talk about the importance of having three or four special “date spots” that you can bring women to.)These places should be off the beaten path and have unique qualities, and you should be highly familiar with them. (Be on a first name basis with some of the staff, and ideally be friends with the manager/owner).

By bringing women into these environments, you’re showing them something new, and demonstrating that you’re a knowledgeable guy who will broaden their horizons.) If you don’t drink alcohol, make it coffee—but make it an independent coffee shop with a funky atmosphere, not a Starbucks.

It’s also usually better to invite her to do something with you, rather than ask her on a “date.” The whole idea of “going out on a date” carries with it certain expectations and pressures, doesn’t it? It’s much more chill to say to a girl, “I need to do some shopping this weekend…I need to pick up some new jeans, and a birthday gift for a friend. I’d love to get your advice, so why don’t we go together. If you help me pick out some things, lunch is on me.”


When most guys are interested in a woman, they try to win acceptance into her world. This is a critical mistake. An example would be: you meet a girl, and she invites you to “tag along” with her at a birthday party she is invited to.

You’re eager to spend time with this girl, so you go along with her. But you have an awkward time at the party. You don’t know anyone there, and she’s too busy catching up with her friends to spend much time talking to you.

Meanwhile, you’re not only trying to be cool and “score points” with the girl who brought you—you’ve also got to prove yourself to all of her friends.

You don’t want to find yourself in this type of situation. Once you’re sleeping with a girl and she wants to bring you to meet her friends, cool, no problem. But in the early stages, where you’re trying to build up her attraction and seduce her, it’s important for you to project a sense of control over your environment—because being in control is a deeply attractive male quality.

You want to take her into your world, and introduce her to people who already like and admire you. Hang out with her in environments where you’ve got built-in social proof. For a while, one of my best “date spots” was a business mixer that was held at an upscale bar/restaurant every Tuesday night. Free food, wine, and a cool crowd of young, sophisticated, successful people—many of whom I was friends with.

Every time I introduced my date to one of these people I knew, I gained value in her eyes. She couldn’t help but be impressed that I knew all of these smart, attractive women, and sharp, successful men—all of whom were happy to see me.

OK, on to my next point about controlling the way you date…When you want to make plans with her, don’t put the ball in her court. Don’t ever make it seem like you’re available whenever SHE has time to hang out. Project the sense that you’re a busy guy with lots of stuff going on, but you’re willing to fit her into YOUR schedule.

For example:

Weak Move: “I was thinking, maybe if you’re free later in the week, we could see a movie or something…”

Strong Move: “The next few days I’m booked up, but let’s get together on Friday night. There’s this awesome new lounge that I want to show you…they’ve got a killer DJ and my buddy the bartender makes the best mojitos in town.”

Next, don’t hang on the phone with her. Be a man on the move. A moving target. (After you’ve slept with her, you can extend the length of your phone chats. In the getting-to-know-her phase, keep phone time to a minimum.)

It’s easy to get sucked into the trap of talking to her on the phone for as long as she wants to, because women have a tendency to want to talk endlessly. She has girlfriends (or gay friends) who can fill that role. You’re a man, and a men have other shit to do.

You want to build a real connection with her, and that connection is not going to develop on the phone. View the phone as a tool to make plans with women, or confirm plans. It is not a substitute for real conversation and vibing.

Any personal information that you reveal about yourself should be done in person. Hour-long phone calls, in which you exchange your entire biographies, means you’ll have far fewer things to talk about when you get together.

Don’t broadcast the fact that you are single and looking. If she asks if you’ve been “seeing anyone,” you should give an answer like, “I’ve been seeing some different people, but nothing serious. I’m looking for a person I feel the right connection with, and I’m not in any hurry.”

I admit, I used to break this rule all the time. I’d meet a girl, we’d start vibing, and within five or ten minutes she would ask me (usually in an indirect way) if I had a girlfriend. (Women have various sneaky ways to ask this question.) I would take the bait and immediately tell her that I was single — broadcasting the fact that I was completely available, because I thought this would make her view me as a “possible boyfriend option.”

Now I know better. You NEVER want her to think you’re completely 100% unattached and available, because it only implies negative things about you.

The suspicious side of her female brain doesn’t say, “Wow, that’s good news. He’s single, and I’m single – we might have something here. Her radar is more likely to tell her, “So what’s the catch? What’s wrong with this guy? How come he’s not dating anyone? Is he some weirdo stalker? Is he broke? Is he a closet homosexual?” etc. (Yes, some pretty wild thoughts do run through a woman’s head when she is trying to evaluate you.)

These days, I’m actually juggling so many different women that I’ve started telling girls I meet that I do have a girlfriend, but we’ve been having problems lately and taking some “time off.” (Which is a little white lie, admittedly.) You’d be surprised how many women who will go for a guy who tells them up front he’s involved with another girl.

This actually attracts a significant percentage of women because it presents you as a challenge—a man who is in demand, and has options. She knows you’re desirable (by saying you’ve got a girlfriend, this is implied), and due to her competitive female nature, when things move to the bedroom she’s going to want to give you hotter sex than your “girlfriend” does.

A man always gets better sex from his mistress than he does from his wife. Why? Because the mistress has something to prove. She has a challenge to rise to; his wife knows she already won the game a long time ago, and therefore has no incentive to rock his world.

These statements won’t earn me any points with the feminists, but it’s the stone cold truth.

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