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The Archetypes Part 1

Archetype One: “The 40 Year-Old Virgin”

This type of guy doesn’t necessarily need to be a virgin in the strict, sexual sense. By “virgin” I might also mean a guy who has managed to have a lot of stuff in his life handled well: he might have a great career, education, health, and spirituality, and yet he hasn’t dated much since college. Or, he might have been married for decades and recently divorced.

Perhaps his career kept him too occupied. One way or another, he’s reached a mature stage in his life in certain respects, but when it comes to dating/seducing women, he knows less than most men who are 10 or even 20 years younger than he is.

The greatest challenge for such “late beginner” lies in the sense of embarrassment of being a beginner at his age. But you’ve got to approach the process of learning pickup the way you would any other skill, such as learning to play a musical instrument; you set aside some time each day to learn and practice.

Archetype Two: “The Giver-Upper”

We all know guys who have a mundane daily routine working, eating, sleeping, running chores, going through the paces and slouching through it all, with little to look forward to or get excited about?

Like any of us, this guy had great dreams once, and had talents to match those dreams but at some point he gave up hope, and began to lose interest in life, and in himself?

Whatever it is that brings happiness and enthusiasm to the lives of other men, he figures it has passed him by it’s simply “too late” for him to experience those things.

And yet there is something still alive in that man’s soul, which makes him crave the companionship of a woman.

He believes the right relationship would make him happy.

Neurotic perfectionism is likely to be at the core of such a self-defeating attitude. This guy expects “all” or “nothing” of himself. Since “all” would not be plausible for anyone, he settles for “nothing.”

He’s facing a tough task of accepting and surviving his imperfection he can’t find a way to emerge from the cloud of denial he has enveloped himself in, and improve his situation and sense of self-worth.

All of the greatest things any of the greatest human beings ever achieved have the ordinary at their core. Embrace the ordinary: the brilliant people who make Apple computers are not as perfect as their product (and it’s not that perfect, either); Beethoven’s music is almost supernatural in its beauty, but the guy who composed those symphonies and quartets was just as imperfect in his humanity as any of us.

Join a gym. Free some time to do things you always dreamed of doing. Dare to be ordinary and yet dare to be as great as your dreams are. Wake up.

Archetype Three: “The Brainwashed”

This one is the toughest cookie. He defines reality by what he watches on TV, or reads in men’s magazines. He overlooks great women whose love would make any man proud, just because he believes that a man of his stature must date women with “model” looks.

His self-respect is based on the value of labels attached to things he owns, drives, wears, eats, or drinks. He finds safety in the brand. A woman is no more than a status symbol for him, even though he would deny it in public for the sake of political correctness.

Fear of reality drives this man. His case may be the most challenging, because he is not aware of his fear. This man has to slow down and face the fear. This is the only way for him to meet a woman he would actually be happy with.

Otherwise, he is bound to always take the wrong turn at the road fork of his destiny.

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Live A Rockin’ Lifestyle Part 1 by Lance

As a kid, Lance says he was the “prototypical skinny, Dungeons & Dragons playing nerd—totally unpopular in high school.” He then discovered sports and dedicated himself to athletics and fitness. In college, he joined the rowing team and competed successfully at the collegiate and national level. Realizing that he had a talent for leading and communicating with people, Lance then became a crew coach.

He also decided to use these skills to branch out into coaching men in a different area: achieving confidence and success with women. He is the co-author of, a popular blog about dating, relationships, sex and life.

Lance decided to get serious about improving his own skills with women after reading “The Game,” the best-selling book by Neil Strauss. It prompted him to immerse himself in learning the art of “pickup” and becoming what he calls a “social artist.”

This launched him on a journey of discovery about women, dating, attraction, and the nature of being a true man in today’s world. His goal is to live a life of passion and adventure, and have deep and meaningful relationships with all those around him.

* * * * *

If you’re a guy over the age of 40, the key to getting dates with younger women is cultivating the right lifestyle. This principle applies to dating in general, but it’s especially important if you’re going after girls 10 or more years younger than yourself.

Let’s look at an example of a 40+ guy. Bill is 45, six feet tall, with average looks a little flabby but not obese. He’s got a full head of hair, though it’s graying and thinning a bit. He’s a working professional, makes a good living, owns his own house, and drives a nice car.

Bill is recently divorced and looking to meet a highly attractive, intelligent woman in her mid 20s to early 30s.

He’s not against the idea of dating women his age, but he’s strongly attracted to the younger hotties out there.

I respect where he’s coming from; I would be doing the exact same thing. I’m 33 and I actively seek out and date girls in the 21 to 26 age range, because that’s what I’m most attracted to so why settle for anything less?

A guy like Bill will typically convince himself that his age places him outside of the “ideal” search range of most younger hotties. He may believe that being divorced makes him “damaged goods” in the eyes of most never-married women. And he’s usually going to be self-conscious about his average looks and physique.

What Bill needs to realize, however, is that he has powerful assets working in his favor. He’s a successful professional (perhaps even an expert in his field), and this is huge. This is going to help him tremendously, because it indicates that he’s a man of means; he has money, security, intelligence, and it would be easy to assume that he’s ambitious and confident. These are all qualities that attractive younger women are looking for.

What else are younger women looking for? If she has reached her 30s and has never been married, she’s probably looking to settle down with the right guy and have kids. If she’s divorced with no kids, she may be looking to settle down again, or she may be looking to have some fun and play the field. These types of women are usually open to dating an older guy.

Or, if she’s single and has kids, she may be open to a casual sexual relationship because she doesn’t have a lot of time for a serious relationship, and would rather not introduce a new “boyfriend” to her kids at this time.

My point is that there are a variety of categories when you’re talking about younger women, and a multitude of reasons why they may be looking to date, or just have fun with, an older guy.


Now, back to my original premise: having the right lifestyle will attract younger women. Lifestyle encompasses a bunch of stuff, so let’s break it down:

Fitness and looks.

Having average looks doesn’t help, but it doesn’t hurt you either. Women are funny in that they’ll be immediately attracted to a hot guy, but they’ll be more deeply attracted to man with high social value. A lot of girls will even say they don’t care about looks they care more about intelligence, personality, and confidence.

If you’re a mature, independent professional, you’ve got a huge head start! Stack the deck even further by improving your fitness and looks. If you’re out of shape and carrying an extra 20-30 pounds (or more), get a gym membership and work out daily. Don’t just do it because you want to get chicks  do it because you’ll feel and look better, and because you’ll be healthier and live a longer life. In my opinion, there is zero excuse for not being fit, no matter your age.

Even if you’re lugging the spare tire but making an effort to get toned, people will take notice. Co-workers will ask, “have you lost weight?” and chicks will dig on you more. It’s an amazing feeling and it will encourage you to keep hitting the gym.

Go even further and play sports. Did you play soccer or basketball back in high school or college? How about running or cycling? Get back into it, train for an event, and enjoy the fitness benefits. Consider picking up a “cool” new sport like snowboarding or surfing. Make sure to get some sun. A tan goes a long way towards improving your disposition.

A 45-year old guy who’s fit and tanned suddenly looks like he’s 35. He’s also the handsome, sexy gentleman, as opposed to the middle-aged fatso.

Get a cool haircut.

This falls under the looks category, but it’s so important that I want to break it out as a separate item. DO NOT go through life with a lame, “older guy” haircut. The last thing you want is to look like a sad sack insurance salesman. If you have a full head of hair, grow it out a bit, go to an upscale stylist, and tell them you want a cool cut. Let them go to town.

One great tip is to find a gay male stylist, because they give the best cuts. I always advise to keep your hair its natural color (i.e. graying) because chicks think it’s dignified and sexy, and often times a dye job looks unnatural and is an obvious attempt to conceal your true age.

Are you balding or almost bald? If so, consider going clean-shaven if you have the right skull and body shape. Generally this looks great on leaner guys, but it can certainly work with the bigger guys if you have the right skull shape. You might try rocking the Mr. Clean look with a well-groomed goatee.

If you’re not sure what a cool cut for a 45-year old guy looks like, watch practically any television show and note the popular actors in your age range to get some idea. There are actors who have very little hair, but they style and groom themselves immaculately. Click here for more surefire tips on how to date young women.

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Putting Younger Women In “Pursuit Mode” By Dean Cortez

Does he REALLY like me…or is he just playing games, like he does with ALL his girls?

This is what should be running through her head while you tease and flirt with her. It makes her want to keep playing the game. Whenever she’s with a guy like this, she’ll want to look her best, and act her sexiest, in order to get the confirmation she craves.

The key is to NEVER give her total confirmation.

When a woman is attracted to you, she desperately wants to know if the feeling is mutual! (Remember what I told you earlier, about how men and women judge “success.”) You can work women into a frenzy this way…by NEVER letting the girl know that she’s “won.”

For this reason, you must never tell her how long you’ve wanted to ask her out, admit how attracted you are to her, or tell her how you think the two of you would be “great together.”

If these sound like winning romantic gestures, turn off your television, because you’ve been watching too manyHollywoodmovies. Only in the movies can the dork or the shy guy win over the hottest girl in school in the end because he makes some grand, romantic declaration.

In reality, it’s more likely that she’ll regard this as weakness on your part. (And remember how I said emotional STRENGTH is one of the big keys to attraction.)  Nine times out of ten, your “confession” isn’t going to prompt her to confess her own attraction to you. It will only take you down a notch in her eyes. You are no longer an original; you are just another guy who can’t control his emotions or his libido.

Play it cool and act like nothing fazes you. You’re a train moving full-steam ahead. The choice is hers: she can climb onboard and take an exciting ride, or you can roll without her to the next stop. Either way, you’re an independent guy, doing your own thing.

Another advantage of using the Tactics I teach is that if you use the right conversational techniques and “build the bridge” (as I explain in detail in the “Ultimate Edition” book), it will become clear whether she is interested in you on a sexual level. You won’t be shooting in the dark, worrying that she’ll freak out if you try to touch her.

When you follow the correct progression of steps, escalating from conversation to physical touching, you’ll never have to wonder whether she “likes you as a friend” or whether she’s interested in more. You’ll know how to read her signals, and your Tactics will be gently leading her down the path to “yes”…instead of giving her reasons to say “oh, look at the time…I should be getting home soon.”

Evaporate the physical boundaries between you by making body contact with her. The best times to do so are when you’re both laughing. Reach over and give her a knee a light touch. High-five her and interlace your fingers with her, then disengage. What you’re doing is acclimating her to your touch, so that it becomes something she is comfortable with. This way, later in the night when you hold her hand, kiss her for the first time, or initiate the foreplay that leads to sex, she’s already “warmed up” to your touch.

Guys will often fail to escalate because they don’t want to be seen as too aggressive. (It’s just an excuse, really, for not wanting to risk rejection and they’re not confident that she will agree to the escalation, because they haven’t laid the right groundwork.)

If you’ve laid the groundwork, made her physically comfortable with you, and built up her attraction by framing yourself as a hard-to-get “prize,” she’ll be receptive when you take things to the next level. But it’s on you to lead her there.

I remember one time having a girl sleep over at my house, in my bed, and I didn’t “try anything” because I didn’t want to screw it up. We lay there together and talked for hours, then she drifted off to sleep while I laid next to her all night with a hard-on. I figured there was no hurry, and that if I acted like a gentleman she’d trust me and we’d have sex next time.

Unfortunately, there was no “next time.”  She never called me again. By not escalating with her, she viewed me as a Wuss, and she may have even felt a little bit insulted. She’s an intelligent, sexually experienced adult. She knew what was supposed to follow when she willingly climbed into my bed and laid down next to me. But I failed to lead her down that path.

The key is to BUILD UP to intimacy and sex with a progression of steps. Perhaps the biggest mistake that guys make is trying to seduce women before the groundwork has been laid. You don’t ask a girl out on a date before you’ve spent time chatting with her and getting her interested in you. Likewise, you shouldn’t go for a kiss when you haven’t even laid a finger on her all night. You build up to the first kiss by making contact with her throughout the evening: touching her leg while you tell a story; giving her a brief hand massage; brushing her hair back from her eyes; placing your hand on the small of her back as you guide her through a door…etc.

(The small of her back is actually a GREAT spot to make contact with. It’s an erogenous zone that is dense with nerve endings.)

If there is a mutual attraction, let her be the one to express her feelings to YOU, and when she does, play it even more cool. If she says something that implies she likes you and wants to date you, give a vague response that strings her along.

HER: “So what you do you think…y’know, about you and me?”

YOU:  “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. Let’s just take it slow and see where it goes…no pressure, no expectations.”

(The more you seem like you don’t really give a shit either way, the more DESPERATELY she’ll want you to validate her feelings!)

But don’t give her that validation. Keep her wondering: will she ever be able to have you all for herself, or will you be with another girl tomorrow when she’s waiting for your phone call?

She’ll want to keep earning points with you, to get the confirmation that she desires. In the meantime, you are the one holding the cards.

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Bring Her Into Your World Instead of Trying to Get Into Hers.

A good friend and former student of mine is 45 years old and regularly dates women in their early 20’s. He’s incredible now, but he wasn’t very good with women less than two years ago. He got to this point by going out a few days a week and practicing in bars, clubs, and during the day as well.

So, he was recently chatting with one of these women. She’s twenty years his junior, and he’d been seeing her for some time.   They were watching the show “Top Chef” on TV. One of the hosts, the stunning Padma Lakshmi, is a model and the former wife of Salmon Rushdie (a highly respected author who is seven years older than her father, and not exactly conventionally handsome).

The woman he was with commented that she couldn’t believe Lakshmi could marry someone so much older and uglier. “What do you mean?” he responded. “She’s just a pretty girl.  She was born pretty. He’s one of the world’s greatest living authors.”

What a fantastic answer!  An interesting look came over her face as she realized that his comment also had some bearing on their relationship.

Her world seems shiny and exciting from the outside. But as an older man, your world is actually so much more interesting and rich, with so much more to offer. Don’t even try to play the game of trying to compete in her world.  You’ll lose. Instead, let her discover your world and all the amazing things you have to offer.

Embrace the Age Difference

You may be wondering if you are too old for her, and you may find yourself wanting to convince her that you aren’t. Perhaps she’s even brought it up.

Instead of trying to convince her that you aren’t too old for her, you should embrace the age difference. Start questioning whether she is experienced enough for you.

My 45-year-old friend is excellent at embracing the age difference.   He’ll ask the women whether they’ve seen “Midnight Cowboy,” “Mean Streets,” and “The Graduate,” three edgy classics from the golden age of American cinema, the late 60’s and early 70’s.

When she says no, he shakes his head and laments, “You need me, sistah. You realize that, right?  Now, I have to figure out if I need you.” These movies are in his DVD collection, so this sets up a nice movie night with take-out at his place.

He will also ask them about other experiences, like travel, restaurants, and books.  But when he “asks,” he’s really challenging her, because at her age there is no way she could have as many interesting experiences as he.

Make Her Feel Special

One of the challenges of dating someone who lives in such a different world than yours is being able to appreciate her. Sure, she looks sexy, and she’d certainly be a blast in bed, but how do you connect with a girl who lives in such a different world?

Well, how do you connect with anyone?   Building a connection with a woman comes down to making her feel special, making her feel valued, making her feel unique different than every other girl in the world.

And you don’t do this by showering her with compliments from the start. When you first meet a woman, particularly a younger one, you can’t act completely won over by her within the first minute.You want to be interested, but a little bit aloof, and gradually show more interest as she qualifies herself to you. Notice I said that she is qualifying herself to you.

You shouldn’t be sitting there talking on and on and on about everything in your life.  This will only show how badly you want to impress her. And trust me, she won’t be impressed.

The idea is to get her talking. Remember, it’s how you make her feel about herself, rather than how you make her feel about you. All it takes is a bit of genuine interest to make her feel like you’ve really gotten to know her.

But how can you possibly relate to someone so young, someone who lives in another world than you?   On top of that, how can you relate when you, as an older man, have so much to offer her, so much experience, so many great things that will be difficult for her match?

The answer is that no matter where you are in life, we all share commonalities.   We all have struggles and hopes and fears. We all feel joy and sadness.

Connect with her on the emotion. Open yourself up to her as well on an emotional level.  While commonalities can certainly help to build friendships, you celebrate the differences with your friends and learn from other people because of those differences.

The same holds true with younger women. You can learn so much from each other, if you can learn to connect on an emotional level.

Be Willing To Suck At This At the Beginning…

I coach a lot of younger guys as well as older guys. Sometimes I think to myself, “Oh man, I wish I’d learned to do this stuff in college!”

But being a little bit older has its advantages. There are certain advantages to having lived a little longer, to having been around the block once or twice.

I know how to motivate myself.  I have so much knowledge, insight and experience at my disposal that I didn’t have twenty years ago.

That experience makes my learning in the realm of women all that much richer and enjoyable. It takes a little bit of practice to get good at it.

You may not be successful the first few times you do it. You may think to yourself, “I’m good at so many things, why aren’t I good at this?”

But you know as well as I do: getting good at something you are not good at requires ACCEPTANCE that you aren’t good at it.

If you want to learn to play the drums, you have to be willing to sit in front of that drum kit and be all thumbs for a while until you get a feel for it.

The pain and struggle starts to become less and less, and the fun and creative expression starts to increase, the more you practice.

You won’t be a genius at this at first. And that’s okay. But keep working at it, and pretty soon you will have those hot young women in your life.

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Skills You Must Master To Succeed With Younger Women

Tell Great Stories.

A boring older guy will never be able to attract younger women. To connect with a younger woman, you will need to reveal personal information about yourself and reveal it in an interesting manner.

So what’s the key to telling interesting stories? I suggest you  actually sit down and think about your life, and write down some of the more interesting experiences you’ve had. Be detailed. What lessons did you learn? How did they change your view of the world, and of yourself? Or perhaps there wasn’t any “moral” to the story…it was just a fun, crazy experience that women will enjoy hearing about.

Once you’ve worked on your stories, find ways to use them in conversations with women. A good story will hook her interest. These are just a few examples (and you can come up with your own):

  • An interesting place you have been to recently
  • The most fascinating person you’ve ever met
  • What you would like to do when you get older
  • What you would like to learn in the future
  • A frightening experience you had when you were young
  • A person you like to spend time with
  • The most exciting, heart-pounding experience you ever had
  • A favorite pet you had as a child
  • A place you would like to visit in the future
  • A person you hope to meet some day
  • A person who has influenced your life
  • Something you have never done, but would like to do
  • Something you have done, but never want to do again
  • An experience which made you laugh uncontrollably
  • An experience which made you cry
  • What you would do if you were President of your country

Get Lucky

I know this probably sounds like a major oversimplification, to tell you to “get lucky.” Isn’t this about learning specific skills? Yes, meeting younger women is about learning a set of skills. But don’t ever forget that luck is a part of it.

Sometimes you go out, all the stars in the universe align, and you just seem to get lucky. You meet a woman and the conversation flows as if you’re two old friends who have been reunited.

Or you go to a bar, make contact with a woman, and you effortlessly hook up with her. (Actually, there was effort involved you had to show up, open your mouth, and take some risks.)

There’s always some degree of luck involved. The good news is that to a large degree, you can create your own luck. I remember once having a conversation with a very famous actor, and I asked him whether success in Hollywood was about being “in the right place, at the right time.”

He explained to me that in the early years of his career, he hustled relentlessly for acting gigs. He attended every audition and networking opportunity he possibly could.

He believed that if he was everywhere all the time, eventually he’d find himself in the right situation to capitalize on an opportunity. And that’s exactly what happened.

Naturally, when he became a big star, those were who jealous of his success attributed it to “luck.”  But in reality, it’s like the quote says: Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

I see a lot of guys either taking no action and complaining about their lack of “luck” with women, or they go out and feel like they have to try super hard to meet women. Well, neither approach works so well with meeting younger women. Doing nothing obviously produces no results. On the other hand, when you are obviously trying super hard with younger women, you give off a needy, high-strung vibe that women find repellent.

Going out with a relaxed attitude, and an openness to whatever comes your way, is the ultimate mindset. The other essential component is knowing in your gut that sometimes you will lucky, and sometimes you won’t. Either way, we say go out anyway and work on meeting and scoring with younger women.

Get Into Her Reality.

This shouldn’t come as a shocker to you, but the reality is that younger women are generally bored shitless by how most men talk to them. Most guys do not, in fact, relate to women at all. They talk about topics women, and especially younger women, could care less about. They talk about their jobs, their computers, car, sports, and technical and mechanical topics that just end up turning off women completely.

What do women care about? In a nutshell, they care about emotions, travel, unusual topics, psychology, what makes people tick, and most of all, THEMSELVES. So, your job is to get into her world as much as possible and ask the sorts of questions that will encourage her to reveal herself to you.

The mistake happens when you, the man, ask too many questions and do not reveal anything about yourself. The conversation becomes too one-sided and feels more like an interrogation than a dialogue. Remember, a conversation is two-way street. When you share something about yourself, you should shift the focus back the other way and learn something about her.

As you converse with younger women, slip outside of your normal perspective and get into her reality. Learn about how she views life, what she deeply cares about, her likes and dislikes, her dreams, her aspirations, and her fantasies.

Ask Amazing Questions

As an older guy, it’s especially important to understand the art of building rapport, and how to elicit and talk about interesting material. If not, you are sunk. This is one of the critical areas that separate the men from the boys.

As I mentioned earlier, most guys approach women in extremely boring and predictable ways. They ask cliché, uninspiring questions. You need to find ways to ask her questions that challenge her to think in new ways. At the same time, asking amazing questions can create a fun atmosphere.

Here are a few different types of questions that you can ask a woman to create great connections. These are not the most slick or sexual questions you can ask a woman (you shouldn’t be asking those sorts of questions until after you’ve hooked her interest, anyway). But these questions will give you some general ideas about generating interesting conversations:

Interesting Personal questions…

  • Do you have any phobias?
  • Tell me three things you like about yourself.
  • If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick?
  • What do you consider to be the most valuable thing you own— maybe not in terms of its price, but its personal value to you?
  • If someone made a movie about your life, what would they call it?
  • If you were in the “MissAmerica” talent competition, what would your talent be?

 Personal, Playful and fun Questions…

  • You have complete access to your city for 24 hours. It’s April Fool’s Day. What prank would you pull off?
  • If you could steal one thing and get away with it, what would it be?
  • What is the stupidest pickup line a guy has ever used on you?
  • If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
  • What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it.
  • What’s one thing about you that people would be surprised to know?

Personal, deep questions…

  • If you won the lottery tomorrow, and never had to work another day in your life, how would you spend your time?
  • If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want, and why?
  • What’s the kindest act you have ever experienced (something  you did for someone, or something they did for you)?
  • What person has influenced your life the most? Why?
  • Did you ever have a really important turning point in your life?
  • What scares you the most?
  • If you could ask God a question, what would it be?
  • What’s the most important thing to you in life?

Clarification Questions…

As she talks and reveals things to you, you should keep the momentum moving along by asking “clarifying questions.” These give her the sense that you’re listening attentively and are sincerely interested. They also encourage her to keep talking and revealing.

•    What do you mean by ______?

•    Why do you think that’s true?

•    What are your reasons for saying that?

•    Why did you say that?

•    Where did you get this idea?

•    Have you always felt this way?

 Click here for more tips on how to date young women.

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Modern Courtship for Mature Men by Dimitri Vorontzov

Dimitri Vorontzov was born in Moscow and spent childhood and adolescence in Siberia. He was educated as a composer, church organist, and orchestra conductor, taught music in college, and learned to fly airplanes with Russian Air Force.

After Dimitri moved to US, he worked several years in a story department of a film production company, and taught advanced motorcycle riding. These days, Dimitri runs a multi-profile corporation and gives private instruction in courtship to selected students.

So what’s the best way to pick up and date a younger woman, when you’re a guy over the age of 40?

Off the top of my head, I’m tempted to dismiss the question. In a sense, it’s like asking, “what’s the best way to drive when you’re over 40?”

This is because I believe that fundamentally, dating younger women does not require a different set of skills once you’re of a certain age. I also believe that the skills of modern pickup and dating are so fundamentally simple that it only takes slightly more effort and practice to activate these skills than it takes to become, say, a grandmaster in the art of brushing one’s teeth.

I am certain that when we are dealing with something as basic as pickup, a man’s age presents a relatively irrelevant contributing factor.

I’m going to address the simplicity of pick-up and dating in a moment. But first, let’s discuss the notion of being an “older man.”

I am strongly against any self-categorizing. Being an “older man” is in most cases a self-assigned label—a useless attempt to define oneself by belonging to a certain group. It’s self-imposed imprisonment. When a man says, “I am this” (“I” = “this”), he negates his ability to change, and he kills his own ability to be spontaneous and grow.

I find this approach to be strategically harmful, as well as false. I know from experience that human beings can, and should, be fluid.

I also know it’s possible for me to describe the best dating tactics for all men over forty. But perhaps that’s not even necessary. What I prefer to do is speak to just one man.

The one who is reading these words now.


I’m not interested in trying to save the entire generation of “older men.” Let’s leave them to their own means. They’ll take care of themselves. (Or they won’t; it’s up to them.)  What we need to do is to create an exception.

I want you to become that exception.

Now I’m going to keep my promise and explain why I find pickup and dating so simple.

During my career as a “hitch,” acting as a wingman to guys in need of dating help, I’ve come to recognize a few simple, obligatory Tasks that a man has to accomplish in order to pick up a woman.

Each Task is accomplished via a corresponding simple and effective Action.

The Task/Action combo forms a Tactic. The sequence of Tactics is the Algorithm. Now, here’s the sample Algorithm for a typical daytime pick-up (Task/Action):

1)      Choose a woman / Observe

2)     Approach / Walk up to her

3)     Engage / “Excuse me

4)     Start the dialog / “I can see you’re reading about interior design. So besides that, what else are you into?”

5)     Gather intel / “I’m hanging out here by myself; what about you?”

6)     Expand the dialog / “Now you’ve made me curious. I want to find out more about you…”

7)     Move locations / “Let’s get some coffee over there, and chat a bit more.”

8)     Touch / Place your arm around her waist to direct her to the coffee shop (or if in a bookstore, the coffee area)

9)     Express interest (“Your sense of humor turns me on”) / Get contact info (“So what’s the best way to get in touch with you?”)

10)  Activate contact info / Call, send a text message, or email her within 30 minutes after you left, if possible.

If every Task is accomplished, a successful pickup has taken place.

Now obviously, every woman is unique; every situation is unique; and women in various situations will display a unique set of reactions.

But I hope you won’t deny that if you don’t request her contact info, you are not likely to see that woman again. That makes requesting her contact info an obligatory Task. And, of course, you have to approach a woman and engage her, if you want her to know that you exist. This makes Approach and Engage other obligatory Tasks…and so on.

(I admit there might be exceptions; for example, she might be a trainer at your gym and you see her regularly anyway; or, she is the one who approaches and engages you. Such situations make the pickup even simpler.)

It’s axiomatic that a man in his forties can say, “I’d like to find out more about you” and “What’s the best way to get in touch with you?” as easily as a man in his early twenties. For the older man, articulating these kinds of words does not present any greater challenge of such magnitude. Let’s have no argument about that. With some aspects of pickup, I believe there are no “advanced techniques.”

From my perspective, there are only two things to remember about body language. There are only four really important techniques for verbal improvisation (and only about a dozen of easy and fun secondary skills). There’s only so much to learn about grooming and style. There’s only one condition you want to be in physically: fit. Age has little to do with any of these things.

I could have also added that mature, experienced, accomplished men tend to have an aura that makes them “walking aphrodisiacs” in the eyes of a great many young, gorgeous women—but this is something you’ve probably figured out already.

But I don’t want to oversimplify the matter, or come across as unrealistically positive by just telling you, “you can do it!” There are indeed some challenges, which we must address.

Working regularly with students in their forties, fifties, and beyond, I’ve learned to recognize a few archetypal mindsets among men who wrongly define themselves by their belonging to a certain age group.

I want you to take a look at the archetypes below, and see if you recognize any of their traits in your own personality and attitude. If you notice anything familiar, I want you to seriously consider how these qualities have been holding you back in your pursuit of women and why it might be a good idea, and a perfect time, to shed this baggage. Click here for more tips.

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The 5 Key Topics Women Love to talk about

This is not a complete list, but a very basic one so you can easily memorize it. Here are the top 5 topics you can use in any conversation with a woman to create a connection: 

1. Travel/vacations

2. Food

3. Fashion/clothing

4. Movies, books, forms of drama

5. Celebrities, people in the news, current events

Talk about your job in an interesting way.

This is such an important detail that it requires its own heading. When you meet anyone for the first time you will inevitably talk about what you do for a living.

If you talk about what you do in a lame and boring way, you will immediately turn her off. Furthermore, how you talk about your job tells her a TON about you.

Let’s say you have a pretty standard job, like you’re an accountant or a computer programmer.

Both of these careers, on the surface, are not too thrilling to talk about. (Actually, there aren’t that many jobs/careers outside of being a rock star or professional athlete that women do find incredibly compelling and interesting.)

This means that rather than talk about the details of what you do (or even worse, how much you dislike what you do), you can come up with interesting and funny stories about weird people you work with, or unusual experiences you’ve had at your job.

For example, if you’re an accountant, the pressures of tax season are not interesting, but the story of your day trader client who lost a million bucks and fled to Mexicois interesting.

Or a story about how you saved a single mother with four kids a ton of money, and helped her out by doing her taxes for free. (That’s interesting, and demonstrates what a great guy you are.)

Or, maybe there’s some wild office gossip or something hilarious that happened at last year’s company Christmas party that you can share with her.

If your job is fairly interesting maybe you’re a police officer, a writer, or a musician it’s the stories and experiences that women will find fascinating, not the mundane details.

A writer like myself, for example, can talk about the pressures of deadlines and how I’ve been chained to my computer for days or, I can tell women about the most interesting celebrity I’ve ever interviewed, or the craziest night I ever had in New York City when I visited there on a book promotion tour.

You should have work-related stories that convey suspense, intensity, drama, and moments of humor. Invest the time to come up with stories about your job, practice telling then out loud, and then try them out on women.

And Most Importantly, Talk to A TON Of Younger Women…

I don’t need to tell you that finding amazing women is, to a certain extent, a numbers game. If you talk to enough women you will find some really hot and interesting ones, but you must go out and talk to a ton of them to find the special few you “click” with.

There are other reasons to have this wide variety of interactions and experiences. You need the practice, first of all. And more  importantly, you can’t expect to just get lucky.

You will occasionally get shot down, or screw things up. It will take some time and practice to score that beautiful younger woman you’ve been picturing in your head, and as with any skill, the more you work on it the better, and more confident, you will become.  Click here for more tips on how to date young chicks.

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How To Pick Up Younger Women At Bars

A typical conversation between a guy and a girl at a bar might sound something like this…

HIM: So what do you do?

HER: I’m a school teacher.

HIM: Oh really? Cool. What grade do you teach?

HER: Eighth grade.

HIM: Ah, ok…so do you enjoy being a teacher?

HER: Yeah, I love it.

HIM: That’s cool…um…so how long have you been a teacher? (He’s already running out of steam.)

There is no rule that says you’ve got to stick with whatever topic is being discussed at the moment. You never want to run out of steam, and bouncing from one topic to the next can keep things interesting.

The idea is that YOU control the flow.

For example, you’re standing next to a girl at the bar. You look at her, make eye contact, give her a smile, and say…

YOU: “I can tell there’s more to you than meets the eye.”

HER: “What makes you say that?”

YOU:  “Well, I’m sure a lot of guys judge you based on your looks, but you’ve got a deeper, more complicated side that they don’t know about. I’m right, aren’t I.”

HER: “I guess that’s true.”

YOU: “OK then, so let me ask you a hypothetical question, and this question is really interesting because it reveals a lot about a person.

If you could have the power to fly, or the power to be invisible, which would you want?”

HER: “Hmmm, I guess the power to be invisible.”

YOU: “That’s very interesting. Now tell me why you would want that power…”

Now you’re immersed in a cool conversation. You’re capturing her imagination, instead of asking the same old “job interview” questions while she sizes you up and thinks of all the reasons why she shouldn’t keep talking to you.

Listen for transitional words and topics that will allow you to take the conversation in new directions, and plant seeds about your own positive qualities (without sounding like you’re bragging).

For example, if she says, “I’d want to be invisible so that no one can bother me at my job. I can’t stand dealing with rude customers all day…”

…you could jump on the word “job” and use it to transition to that subject. Then take this opportunity to mention how passionate you are about what you do.

If she would want the power to fly, maybe it’s because she would visit some interesting, exotic locale. Now you can move onto the subject of travel. If you haven’t done much international travel, that’s okay: you can mention some amazing place that you’re planning to visit, and relate some details about it that make her imagine going there with you someday.

Another rule of dynamic conversation is that you should keep her in a positive, enthusiastic frame of mind as much as possible. If things take a negative turn, and she starts complaining about something (her ex-boyfriend, her bitchy roommate, her asshole boss, etc.), it’s your job to take her mind off the negative and keep things on a positive track.

So let’s rewind, back to when she says…

HER: “I’d want to be invisible so that no one can bother me at my job. I deal with so many obnoxious customers, I don’t even know why I work there…”

YOU: “My opinion is, if you’re going to have a job, you might as well make it something you’re passionate about. I’m fortunate, I’m really love what I do.”

HER: “So what do you do?”

YOU: “Well, I didn’t come out tonight to talk about work, but let’s just say I’m well compensated and it’s the perfect use of my talents.”

HER: “Hmm, ok…”

YOU: “So tell me, if had a hundred million bucks in the bank—let’s say you won the lottery—how would you spend your days? What would you be passionate about doing, if you never had to worry about paying another bill?”

Here’s another example of  an original approach, followed through with Conversation Control:

YOU: Are you friendly or mean?

HER: Why do you ask?

YOU: You look a little bit mean, but I think it’s just a front. You’re actually a sweetheart, once people get to know you.

HER: Yes, I’d like to think I’m sweet.

YOU: Let me ask you something. My best friend Jay broke up with his girlfriend about a week ago. And he really wants to ask out one of her friends, but he’s worried that it’s too soon. Should a guy wait a certain amount of time before he asks out a friend of his ex? Is there a rule for this?

HER: I think he should give it a few weeks at least.

HIM: A few weeks, hmm. That makes sense. I bet you’re the girl that all of your friends come to for “guy advice.” You have a knack for this stuff; maybe you should have your own talk show.

HER: (laughing) Well, my sister had something similar happen. She met this guy when she was in college…

HIM: Where did she go to school?


HIM: Really? I went to (name a school). I majored in business, with a minor in throwing parties. Which reminds me…you’re invited to this party I’m throwing next month, I’m just trying to decide what theme to go with. I was thinking toga party, but that’s so played out…maybe “pimps n’ hos,” because I’ve got this killer fur coat and a giant wide-brimmed hat I could wear…but then I started thinking, maybe a 1980s theme would be cool. Just think of the party playlist I could put together for my iPod. Banarama, the Go-Gos, Journey, Men at Work, Duran Duran…who I am forgetting?”

As you can see, within the space of the first minute, you’ve planted cool seeds about yourself and taken the conversation in interesting, unpredictable directions. You’ve engaged her imagination, and you’re relating to her on a level that most guys would never get to. And you didn’t need to stay on any particularly topic…you bounced around to keep things moving along. (By the way, you can always return later on to any of the topics you touched on earlier and then moved away from.)

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It’s Just Too Scary To Talk To Younger Women Part 1

The number one barrier that older guys face with younger women is fear: fear of rejection, fear of being seen as a dirty old man, fear of women thinking they are creeps, and fear of women in general.

Fear is about your brain telling you to watch out for danger. Your heart starts pounding fast and hard, your brain goes on overdrive, and you can’t think straight. Some guys even feel nauseous, or freeze dead in their tracks when they feel a wave of fear. And the even worse news is that fear is like an untrained dog: the more you let it shit on the carpet or ignore your commands, the more it will run the show.

In essence, every time you buy into your fear and avoid approaching and talking to women, fear wins out and runs your life just a little more. Conversely, every time you challenge your fear and act in spite of it, it shrinks.

The only way to conquer your fear of approaching younger women is to get out there and start doing it. I recommend you start doing it slowly, over time. Go to a mall on a Saturday and say “hi” to 10 women, and see how it goes. From there, start using the skills we cover in article and build up your confidence.

“Just do it” is not an empty slogan; it’s a reality. You simply have to do this, or you will get a younger woman.

They’ll Disqualify Me Because Of My Age

Another bullshit excuse that older guys use to deny themselves the opportunity to meet younger women is holding the belief that younger women won’t like them, be interested in them, or even want to talk to them because of the age difference.

Here’s the bottom line: some younger chicks won’t dig you. But  guess what: even if you were a buff 24-year-old rock star, some chicks wouldn’t like you, either.

That said, here are the statistics that I’ve seen out in the dating scene. Roughly 25-30% of younger chicks will not be interested at all in dating an older man period. 10-15% really WANT to date an older guy and will find it hot and interesting.

The rest of the women, the remaining 50-60%, are somewhat to very open to dating an older guy. Those are pretty decent numbers for you, and armed with the skills in this book you’ll be set to find the women who are open to you.

The rest can fall by the wayside.  It is complete bullshit that most younger women will rule you out because of your age. Some will, but I believe most won’t as long as project the right attitude, and put the correct skills into action.

I Have Nothing To Talk About…

Later in this article we’re going to teach you a wide range of topics to talk to women about. If you’ve ever found yourself going  “blank” when you talk to women, you need to work on your conversational skills ASAP! The number one thing you bring to the table with younger women, along with life experience, is your conversational skills. Without them, you will be a dismal failure.

The good news is that you can indeed learn these skills, and with a little work you will be above the pack in no time.

They’ll Think I’m A Dirty Old Man.

This is another crippling limiting belief. The majority of younger women will not assume you’re a “dirty old man,” but if you’re overly concerned about coming across this way,  you will communicate this negative vibe you talk to younger women.

You need to reconcile this within yourself. Psychologists have shown time and again that if we have a dominant thought, fear or concern, we find ways to make it real. If, for example, I am scared of being insulted, I will walk around all day looking for situations where someone insults me. If I am worried all the time that people think I am ugly or fat, I will be hyper aware of the people around me, and subconsciously I’ll even search out people who will judge me as a fat and ugly slob, since it confirms my internal belief.

So, if you are hyper worried about people judging you as a dirty old man, or as a creepy older guy, you will likely illicit that response from younger women. Believing you are a dirty old man usually comes from aspect of a Judeo Christian background, and at some level ties into a belief that sex is bad. If this is an issue you struggle with, you need to find ways to work on it. You may need to logically dissect it, or simply become aware of this belief and choose to stop believing it. Click here for more information on how to date young girls.

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Don’t Make That Mistake! Thoughts by Eric Disc

by Eric Disco, Pickup 101 Head Instructor and

There are a thousand things you could say to a woman. But what good are they if you can’t walk up to her and say them? Every guy who wants to improve his lot with women has considered this before. In reality, walking up to a woman and starting a conversation shouldn’t be that difficult but for some men, the thought of doing so can completely paralyze them! Or, they allow their minds to generate all of the reasons why they SHOULDN’T walk up to her and say hello. (She’s probably stuck-up…she must have a boyfriend…I’m not the type of guy she would go for…she’s going to think I’m hitting on her…etc.)

Before ever hearing the word ‘pickup,’ Eric wondered what was keeping him from talking to women. Logically it should have been easy, but physically, it was impossible for him to break through that barrier. Years later, after becoming a head pickup instructor for one of the most respected companies in this industry, he still wrestles with the question: Why are men so afraid to walk up to women and talk to them?

His blog,, is one of the most popular blogs on the internet for men who want to learn how to meet women. He’s helped countless guys learn to accept the fear and excitement that goes along with meeting women. Men who once had given up on themselves are now out there approaching, dating and seducing women they never would have interacted with before.

Through his writings, his probing podcasts with dating gurus, and his in-person coaching, Eric Disco has one aim: to help men find their true inner confidence. If you can learn to be comfortable, confident and yourself around women you’ve just met, the rest is easy.

And so, we asked Eric to share his thoughts on approaching and meeting younger women. Here’s what this expert had to say…

It’s an easy mistake.

She’s young.  She’s gorgeous.  She’s fashionable and hip.

She knows all the cool lingo and hangs out with young people.

It seems like the universe revolves around her—and she often acts like it does.

Perhaps she’s sitting there in a cafe, or a bookstore or in a park.  And you wonder what her life must be like.

Wild parties and adventures.

She probably dates rock stars.

And there’s you. You lead a normal life.

“What could I possibly offer her?” you think to yourself.

Perhaps you have money.  But you’re smart enough to know that showering her with lavish gifts only backfires—big time.

Younger women often talk about how they’ll let older men take them out and spend money on them, but they won’t hook up with them.

Perhaps you could show her some comfort.  You have a nice home and drive a nice car.

But all of this seems to pale in comparison to the exciting life she probably leads.

As for me, I love dating younger women.  I also love dating women my age. I even date women older than me.

One of the beautiful things about dating younger women is that it truly shows what dating and relationships are about, and what they aren’t about.

Once you start approaching women a lot, so many things start to fade into the background—things that used to seem relevant.

Am I handsome enough?

Am I rich enough?

Am I too short, too bald, or too fat?

And of course: Am I too old?

If you’ve approached enough women, you know that how you make her feel about you is far less important than how you make her feel about herself.

You know that you aren’t trying to get into her world and show her that you can function in it.  You are letting her discover your world.

You begin to see that everything you have between the two of you is what you have right there in the moment when you are with her.

All that other stuff doesn’t matter.

If you can make her smile and play with her, she’ll play back.

If you can make her feel unique and special, she will always come back for more.

Based on my experience, approaching thousands of women and coaching many guys of all ages, these are the most important aspects an older guy should look at when dating younger women.

Click here for the ultimate tips on how to date younger girls.


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