As one of the most often-quoted dating experts in the country for the last ten years, David Wygant has been prominently featured and consulted by thousands of media outlets. He has appeared on E! Entertainment Television, FoxNews, Dateline NBC, CBS News, ABC News and MTV. He has also appeared on over 2,000 radio shows.
David has been featured and quoted in over 100 magazine and newspaper articles including in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, USA Today, and The Los Angeles Times. David is one of the leading writers for Yahoo! Personals, and is one of the only dating coaches who works with both men and women. He offers an array of products and coaching services which can be found on his website. David’s website also includes a daily blog for both men and women, along with daily video blogs and podcasts.
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So what do younger women then look for in an older man?
Experience. It’s your life experience that works to your advantage. For example, you’ve got to really be a great lover, when it comes down to it. If you’re a shitty lover and you’re in your 40s, well, she’s already had shitty lovers because she is used to dating younger guys. I tell every guy I work with to go take tantric sex classes, and really learn how to please a woman.
Secondly, teasing a young woman, which older guys don’t do, is a must. A lot of younger guys go out with a younger woman, and try to sleep with them on the first date. I always tell guys to play it cool and act like you got laid the night before, and look at her at the end of the date and say, “Alright, see you later. Goodbye.” Do it with a smile and tease her. It’s going to drive her up the wall. Don’t touch her for the first few dates, because then she’s going to want to have sex with you. She’s going to wonder why the hell you haven’t touched her. She is going to think you don’t desire her, and then basically throw herself on you. I’m talking about understanding how younger women are wired, but also playing the part. You’ve got to understand what a young man is like, and act the exact opposite.
In terms of your age and wisdom, don’t try to teach them lessons. Share things with them. Don’t talk down to them; don’t try to give them advice. Encourage them, and share your wisdom and knowledge, because you have to become Michael Douglas. You’ve got to become Sean Connery. You’ve got to become George Clooney. You’ve got to become that cool, hip, older guy that will attract women. You’ve got to be it, before you are it.
Are there tips or techniques you teach your guys on adjusting themselves to the age difference?
Once again, you’ve got to speak with them and speak their language. Be open to what they want to do, but take them on an adventure that the young guys can’t pull off. I’m not talking about buying them a great dinner. I’m talking about being a man with a plan. Meaning, when you go out with them, don’t just take them out to dinner—anyone can do that. Show them that you are fun and playful.
One of my favorite things to do with women is to take them to Target (the big discount department stores). When we’re about to go get a drink, I tell them that first, I need to run a quick errand at Target. When we get there, I give her 13 dimes and nine pennies. So I give her $1.39 and say, “Have you had a treasure hunt yet?” You want to show her that you are not stogy; you are not old. You want to convey a youthful energy about you. So you give her the $1.39, and then you give her the rules: she gets to go on a treasure hunt and she can buy whatever she wants for $1.39, but it has to be one item and one item only. She will canvas Target, looking everywhere! She’ll probably even try to negotiate another five cents out of you, and then you tell her again that the item can only be $1.39, and that’s it. You are willing to pay the tax, but it can only be retail value of $1.39. It’s a fun little game to play. The idea is to behave in the opposite way of the typical older guy, who’s uptight and acts according to the typical script on a date.
Let’s say it’s the summer time; you take her to the park with the Frisbee. Do things that are young and fun. Have a barbeque at your house. You’re not acting old. You’ve got the wisdom and success of a 45 year old man, but by doing those fun things you become someone who she never may have imagined she would go out with. When your life is hip and cool, she wants to hang with that. And when you do those things, you create attraction.
Where do you recommend guys go to meet younger women, and are there locations they should avoid?
I tell guys all the time, “Be the story, not the cliché.” Meaning, you need to create a “romantic comedy.” All women wants to be swept off their feet, whether they know it or not. So you have to be that guy who sweeps women off their feet. So, go out, approach her, learn how to speak her language. Forget about nightclubs and bars. When you’re in the supermarket, coffee shop or anywhere else, approach women very nonchalantly and casually. Tease her a little bit about the coffee she’s drinking. Tease her about something she is doing.
Here’s one of my favorite openers to use in a grocery store. I’ll see a woman buying a pint of ice cream, for example. I like to walk over and look at the ice cream, open the freezer, and then draw a tic-tac-toe board. Then I put an “X” in the middle and then I say, “It’s your turn, I’ll play you tic-tac-toe for that ice cream.” So all of a sudden it becomes something playful. Then you start describing and talking about ice cream. Tease her and say, “Y’know, ice cream girl, we need to get together sometime. I have some great chocolate ice cream to show you.” When you call her up, call her “ice cream girl.” She’s already texted all her friends about it, and to them, you’re “ice cream guy.”
So you need to meet her in a playful way. Everyday encounters like that one will beat meeting girls at bars and nightclubs any day of the week.
Are there unique ways to close the deal with younger women, especially if there is a big age gap? Are younger women more suspicious than older women?
I don’t think younger women are more suspicious at all. I think they want to meet someone, but they are suspicious if a man stares, lingers, and acts like a stalker. If a guy has no game at all and approaches with some pickup line, she is going to look at you and think you are an old guy with a cheesy pickup line.
Younger women are looking for sophistication. Most younger women who are willing to date older guys are looking for a guy who is able to teach them things. They are looking for someone who is interesting and sophisticated. If you’re in a coffee shop you say, “I can’t believe you’re not getting the French roast. The French roast they have is amazing.” Then start sharing a story or an experience about it, and then ask her which type of coffee she likes best. Ask her questions and share stories about yourself. Most young guys do not ask enough questions when they flirt. They mostly just use routines. If you’re asking her questions and sharing about yourself, you’re intriguing her in all kinds of different ways.
What advice do you have on managing relationships with younger women?
There is a lot of management in any relationship. You are going to have to realize that everything you went through 20 years ago, you’re going to have to go through again with a younger girlfriend. No matter what you say, you cannot act like you know it all, because she is still going to have to experience it for herself and go through her drama. You’re going to have to listen to shit about her friends, because women in their 20s are always going through dramatic shit with their friends. She’s going to cry one night because she thinks one of her friends doesn’t like her anymore and blah, blah, blah…and you’re going to have to sit there and listen to it, and not offer advice. You just say, “I totally understand, hun,” and let her vent. Then she’s going to feel like you are the only one in the world who understands her, because everyone else is trying to fix her. That shit is going to come at you on a regular basis. You need to be prepared and ready for it. Not only that, but she is going to be more emotional than women in their 30s are. She’s going to get more jealous. You’re going to have to manage that relationship, and spend more effort than you would managing things with a woman your own age. That’s just the reality.